had a really bad 1st childbirth.....

[ahappymummy]

and its really traumatised me! seriously! that was just over two years ago and now myself and hubs are talking about baby no.2,i am really nervous,maybe scared of both the pregnancy and birth.any suggestions guys?

It depends where you want to have your debrief, Dinny - if all your notes are at the previous hospital, you'll need to have them sent over to your new hospital and give someone time to look over them. Might be best to do it at the 'old' hospital, but I appreciate that might be geographically difficult (did I get my grin right this time??).

I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread but here's a birth trauma support thread if you'd like to come join us.

FWIW, my first birth was horrendous and I never thought I would be able to contemplate another one. 3 1/2 years later we had ds2 Lots of counseling etc. in between though. And AD's...

Thanks dinny. I'm still quite nervous too but I'm determined to enjoy it knowing that I can do it and knowing that this is my last!

FWIW - I went over my 1st birth notes a few weeks later and it didn't help me. I think a couple of midwives stuffed up along the way and the notes stating how many cms along I was didn't really convey that I think they made errors. Going over it with someone who wasn't there didn't help. I am still cross about it but I do realise that they sometimes just don't know. Childbirth can be difficult and complex and they can only go with their knowledge and training and sometimes they make mistakes. It still makes me feel weird (upset?) despite it being over 6 years ago and having since had 2 more children.

My mother nearly died twice with my brother and me and you can see that she hasn't really got over it and that was 38 and 47 years ago! 'A cross we women have to bear' is what she says as she scoops a grandchild up.

Sorry, that's probably my most unhelpful post ever! But having a doula really did help me. I felt like she was on my side and could ask the right questions and look after me and it worked!

Dinny, contact the Head of Midwifery at your hospital. The midwife whom I talked to had not attended the birth. As far as I am aware, the first time she read my notes was when she was preparing for our meeting. As it was at the same hospital where I gave birth, she may I suppose have talked to the mws who looked after me, but I doubt it - I was looked after by at least 3 different sets of mws because of the shifts!.

If you are too far from the hospital in which you gave birth, then you could either ask for the notes yourself, in which case you'll probably have to pay a fee and maybe wait ages, or you could ask for your 'new' hospital to request the notes themselves. I would have thought that there would be no problem with that, after all, your previous pg and labour could be very relevant to your next/current one.

BTW, re tearing and stitches:
ds1 - 2nd deg, didn't heal, constant discomfort and some pain until restitched at 8m, but still some discomfort even after the repair.
Dd - 2nd deg but not as bad, healed perfectly, and, best of all, somehow sorted out the residual discomfort from ds1! No more pain.
Ds2 - 'graze', no stitches despite him being a whopper.

ahappymummy - I had a bad birth with DS1. I couldn't even think about getting pregnant for 3 1/2 years, then when I did find out I was pg, DH and I were terrified.

I was offered a C-section, but decided against it.

I saw a hypnotherapist who helped me with the fear (obviously not everyones cup of tea) and the birth was a lot easier. - partly becuase it was a lot faster. I even went on to have a very easy 3rd birth - I just want you to know not ever birth has to be traumatic.

BTW, Dinny, though I had my debrief at the ame hospital as I gave birth at, it was a mw who had not been involved in my care in any way who went over the notes with me anyway, as the hospital feels this is the best way to approach it - no axe to grind, see.

I paid an independent midwife a one off fee to go through my labour notes with me, as I wanted to do it with someone who was entirely outside the hospital and wouldn't be biased at all. I found it very useful and enlightening.

I had an awful time with DD - PROM, long latent stage, failed epidural then severe distress ending in CS under general. Now 33 weeks with DC2 and planning a HBAC with NHS midwives, as Cons was reluctant to book me an elective and I am not willing to try for a VB in that hospital ever again.

Am still a bit scared but feel I have done all I can to minimise the risks this time round, and have advised them I don't mind transferring in for CS if needed, just get me there in time to have a spinal so I can see my baby born this time