At what point in my pregnancy do I need to start being concerned about my DP being non-contactable on his phone?

[Lynchian]

I'm 31+4. DP is a rock-climber and takes himself off for climbing trips to places where he may or may not be within phone signal, and I don't hear from him all day. For example, today he left at 4am and it's now nearly 5pm and I've heard nothing from him. He's within phone signal because I've called him twice and it's ringing, but just ringing out to voicemail. He's over in the Lakes, about 2 hours drive away.

Now, I don't want to be a drama queen or a nag, but I'm thinking the further along I get, the more likely it will be that I'll need to get in touch with him in a hurry. With just over 8 weeks to EDD, I know it's unlikely I'll go into labour NOW, but it's not unheard of, and as he's my birth partner I'll definitely need him to be capable of getting home reasonably quickly.

He doesn't seem to understand this though, that anything couild be happening at home and him not answering his phone/checking in every now and again that everything's ok is making me feel a tad insecure.

Unreasonable of me? At what point should I start to insist he be a bit less incommunicado?

Also, at what point did your DP/DH reduce the nightly boozing to a level they'd be sober enough to drive you to hospital should the need arise?

I don't want to put a ball and chain around his ankle, which is why I've been fairly relaxed up until now.

Ideally, I'd just like a slap and for somebody to tell me to chill out until I'm actually overdue!

I certainly would think from 36, 37 weeks that he will need to be more available. My friend had her baby yesterday, 3weeks early and both of mine were early, so it does happen!
Good Luck

bout 37 weeks. Thats when I started panicking that dh hadn't sold the house in the US and was still over there! (I moved back at 33 weeks or so)
DH got back at 39 weeks and number 4 arrived at 42 weeks.
But your dh should at least make an effort to be availble.

37 weeks here for no drinking as well, we didn't really drink at home so DH just didn't go to the pub.

Yeah 37 weeks to be contactable here - DH is often out of range when working, so I've insisted on having home numbers of the houses he's working on (I actually am overdue now though )

So after 37 weeks he shouldn't be at the top of very high mountains in the Highlands of Scotland.

That'll make him happy (NOT!)... and quitting drinking just before Christmas? I almost feel guilty here...!

Poor lad. Seriously, I've had ages to get used to it. It'll be a bit of a shock to his system just as the party season is upon us.

My Dad went away for the weekend, kayaking, with his pals the weekend my mum was due with me! that was 30 years ago so no mobile phones! My mum's family threatened to disown him if anything happened when he was away

Needless to say I was late and mum's family are still speaking to him

Well my husband was needed to be in touch since 26 weeks so dont feel too guilty. I'm 29w + 3 now. This is my first pregnancy and I am paranoid. I didnt have to worry about sober since we would taking a cab to the hospital, we dont own a car.

I am also due just around new year & am 31 +1 today. I bought my husband a new mobile phone a while back so I could keep track of his whereabouts - without having to go through his works switchboard etc - but he never carries it with him. This is baby no 4 for us and he has so far managed to be 'late' or not in attendance for 3 of our offspring births so I am already preparing myself to have a standby birthing partner in the wings. I do not think you are being unreasonable wanting him to at least be contactable if not actually with you. You need support especially if like me things are getting uncomfortable now and each twinge can be alittle nerve wracking. Good luck & talk to him about how you are feeling. PS We also do not own a car but I have my bag packed already as our second child made her entrance at 28weeks!

My last dd was born at 32 weeks so df needs to be contactable all the time

I certainly woudnt be letting him climb any mountains

You need to tell him what it feels like for you when you don't hear from him...out of range of a signal is fair enough b ut not answering/checking is a pain! As for the not drinking, my dh seems to be drinking for two and its pretty much every night bar one or two a week - not that he is hammered every night, but he is certainly over the limit. When I pointed out that a time would come when he would ae to desist he basically said that's what taxis are for...

Re the party season coming up, I would not feel too guilty about reining him in - you have done the hard bit after all!!

Good luck with it all anyway!

I had to go into hospital a few times from 30 weeksish onwards, I also had DD at 32 weeks. AFAIC if I'm pg, he is NOT to be unreachable for more than a couple of hours.

I'm also due around New Year, i'm 31+2 today. I don't live with my dp and he has a habit of falling into a very deep sleep from about 9-10pm and not waking when his phone is ringing. And sometimes admits he actually hears it rings but leaves it as he wants to sleep! I've told him our baby could come at any time, and I may well go into labour at night but it's only slowly sinking in that he needs to answer the phone when I ring if he wants to be there at the birth Men huh!

i think from 37 weeks he needs to be in phone contact and within a couple of hours of you... have you considered a back up birth partner just in case.. mum, sister, friend? just in case he is incommunicado or stuck hours away..

babies can come anywhere between 37 - 42 weeks, although first babies tend to arrive around 41 weeks, i don;t thikn it is unreasonable for him to be in reach from 37 weeks, as we all know, birth is not something you can plan that much !

From about 37 weeks I would start to get freaked out if my DH wasn't contactable.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant at the moment and DH is going to the Middle East on business tomorrow for 3 days - that has slightly freaked me out, to be honest, and I've made him promise he won't stray very far again after that .

My mum is on speed dial, though

agree from 37 onwards I would not want my dh more than about 30 mins away ( if possible).
Also think of it this way you have made a few sacrifices and he needs to make a few as well!!!

Babies can come at any time, SCBUs are full of babies who have arrived long before they are expected

Men shouldn't be ( or really want to be imo ) out for contact for too long.

Hmmm. Will go against the general consensus and say that not drinking and being contactable at all times is being a bit unreasonable I think !

Neither DH or I have mobile phones (well I have a work one now but don't look at it outside working hours).

If he really was PLASTERED and you needed to get to hospital in a rush you could call a taxi or an ambulance.

But chances are you will being having contractions as a "warning" beforehand.

I know the occasional person has one of those TV births, you know, waters breaking and then straight to fully dilated.

I wouldn't be happy if DH went off rock-climbing for a few days from about 3 weeks before I was due though.

What use is a drunk man as a birth partner though ? My DF is the worlds Most Bloody Annoying Drunk Person.. the absolute last person i'd want there while i was labouring.

i was due 4 jan with ds1 and we all went on holiday at christmas to the mountains where everyone (except me lol) skiied. i spent most of the time ticked off as even if i did try to call him he was out of contact (didn't actually go into labour until 1 jan so he got away with it) but i don't think it did much for my blood pressure tbh.
we had a memorable night after a christmas party where dd1 had breathing problems and we were stuck in a blizzard 35 minutes from the hospital, with me 38 weeks gone and dh leathered...
my advice? have a sensible discussion about it in advance, and as long as you are both happy with the 'deal' then it should be fine. dh was away overnight with work up to 39 weeks with dd2, but not a lot i could do about it. as an army family we have to reasonably relaxed (after all, he could be in iraq or whatever, so a couple of hours here or there is preferable) but i would make sure you discuss it well in advance. no-one can plan it all out - it never happens to order really, but you and dh both need to understand where you want to be and why.

DH didn't drink (and he's usually a couple of bottles of beer a night chap) at all from 32 weeks with dd - I ended up in hospital with severe bleeding, called an ambulance that time, but asked him to stay sober after that in case I needed to go in again. That was over Xmas/New Year. He agreed quite happily, the first trip to hospital gave him a bit of a scare and he said he wouldn't want to be unable to help if it happened again.

This time he's off the booze from 30 weeks, again over Xmas/New Year! But this time it's twins and for various reasons could well come early. For the same reasons I'd like him sober from them, I'd want him contactable too - his babies as much as mine!

From then, even....

Im 38 weeks and Dh has been contactable since 37 weeks and this weekend his drinking ban kicked in. To be honest, i didnt really have to nag, on friday he advised that he was going to be the designated driver. he was home really early despite his friends all being out and yesterday at a wedding he was ushering us home before being prompted. You may find your DH goes all protective of his own accord, mine certainly has!

When his friends teased him about not drinking saying if anything happens he can call a cab, he argued that he couldnt be supportive pissed! i was very impressed!

Dh has just left for work and on his way out the door i asked how long would it take for him to get home from his furthest point (lorry driver) his response was 3 whole hours if traffic was good, i am 37 weeks and have gone into a mad panic.

I'm very cynical about pregnancy, probably quite understandable and at 27 weeks my daughter has been living with my parents for the last month and I go mad if TBD isn't contactable!