Adapting to life with first baby

[Hero76]

I am feeling a bit apprehensive and wonder if any MNers can give me some advice. I have always worked and expecting my first baby - much wanted - and suddenly feeling a bit unsure of myself. The reason is DH is trying to change jobs and is going for one which would mean moving away from where we have lived but which would take financial pressure off for a couple of years.
I have always thought I would take some time off but would think of going back to work eventually. if we moved however my chances of getting a job would be much lower.
Now I feel a bit shaken up. I have no idea how I will feel after the baby is born; DH is acting with best of intentions, but to be in a new area, without a job - I think I will find it difficult. Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and what would you advise?
Please not - this is NOT meant to be a debate about SAHM vs working mothers. I think both are equally valid choices. So grateful and happy as I am to be pregnant, I just suddenly - after wanting a baby for a long time - find myself worried about how I will cope by myself and also how I will feel about myself as have always defined self by work.

Hero76

when I found out I was expecting DS I owned my own business that I decided to sell once he was born so that I could spend more time with him. Personally, for me it was the best thing to do and I still have not gone back to work (he is 2 now and I am currently 37 weeks with number 2)

In my opinion the best thing to do is leave as many doors open as you can - you will never know how you are going to feel after you have given birth when the initial settling in period is over - you may want to go back or it may be the furthest thing from your mind. So you and your DH are being very sensible in looking for a job that would support the family on just the one salary. This will give you the CHOICE - the worst thing for you would be to feel forced into doing something you didn't want to do.

Hope this helps.
x

will the move involve leaving family and friends that you would have otherwise relied upon for support when the baby arrives?

thanks gem1981...that is really helpful. You're right - I have no idea how I will feel.....I guess I am worried about how I would cope in a new place making friends from scratch....

sorry messages crossed...family will be a bit nearer but no friends in the area...

I am going through a very similar thing at the moment - I am VERY close to my mum, dad and sister - we see each other almost every day.

DH and I are thinking about taking a leap and moving abroad early next year as it will make more sense with his career/ ease money worries etc and hopeully improve our quality of life.

I am very worried about leaving my support network but am hopeful that with a toddler and a baby in tow there will be plenty of opportunities to make new friends.

Actually that is the one thing that surprised me the most after I had DS - I actually had a better social life after I had him - all the mum and baby groups/ baby yoga/ swimming/ coffee morings etc - for the first 6 months I was doing something with him almost every day and I made some smashing friends this way.

Hi hero - I was in a similar position to you when having DS1. He was a surprise pregnancy and I'd always had a relatively successful job which I enjoyed and did lots of extra hours (quite happily). My job was in the Docklands in London and I also had quite an active social life connected with work. However I had a big-ish commute and DH was travelling abroad about half the month with his job. So we made the choice to move away from London up to Edinburgh which is where DH is from. He could get a good job transfer within the same company easily with no travel. We finally moved when I was 7 months pregnant and I was SO apprehensive and scared that we were doing the right thing!!! I had no friends up there and no job to go back to.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short it has been brilliant. We have a much nicer lifestyle and I did get a new job once I was happy to put DS1 in nursery. The one downside was that in my industry there is no good part-time roles so I had to get a full time job and then when I had DS2 a year ago I went back part time. Now I have a better job than I did in London and I'm now part-time which is what I wanted all along. Funnily enough I always thought I would have no problem working full time when I had kids but now I've got them I want to spend more than 2 days a week with them.

On the friends side of things, I joined a lot of baby related clubs and i went to the local NCT classes where I made some good friends. The good thing about moving when your pregnant / got a young baby, is that there are loads of things to join and you can do as much or as little as you want. And every one is kind of in the same boat. Its also a great way of making friends with neighbours.

Anyway I'm waffling, but things can really work out and you could look back in a few years and think it was the best decision. Especially if your move takes the pressure off financially. Its lovely to not HAVE to go back to work if you dont want to straight away. And with a break from your current job, you may even decide to change career, and train in something different. Having a baby does change your outlook but I also got a lot from just being out of my hectic city centre job.

Whatever happens good luck!!!

Chooster and Gem thank you for such positive messages - sorry had to go offline most of today. I am glad to hear how it worked out for you and it has made me feel much better. I was just feeling a bit scared, but you've really cheered me up. Thank you!

x

I know it's expensive but I would seriously consider getting a couple of life coaching sessions so that you can make a plan for yourself and your overall goals, say over the next year, 5 years and beyond. To be able to get a big picture of how your life could shape up and what you want to do in terms of career and family.

I work part time with 1 DS and another baby on the way, also living abroad in a slightly random way, and am just about to start coaching, as I see it as an investment in one's future happiness, by getting all these issues out in the open.

I"m sure you'll be fine, remember it is a massive change having a baby, and you can't really imagine the full impact beforehand, but you can have a 'big plan' for yourself and DH to help you through..