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Original poster

Advice needed re Miscarriage

6 replies

Spring · 09/04/2001 14:31

I've just had some dreadful news. A colleague of mine who is also a friend has just told me that they have lost their baby just a few weeks before the Due Date. This has upset me terribly as I just cannot imagine what they are going through. My baby was born nearly three weeks early and I cannot imagine how one copes with this. I have offered to inform colleagues to save them making endless phone calls. What is the best thing to do in this situation, is it OK to send flowers....

OP posts:
Tigger · 09/04/2001 15:32

Spring, I am very sorry about your friend. I think that your offer to tell colleagues is very kind, if it is possible let them now that you are there for anything no matter how trivial they may think it is. Do they have any other children, or was this the first?, flowers I'm not to sure about, maybe something low key not to bright.

Kmg · 09/04/2001 17:47

Spring - I think the most important thing, as in any bereavement, is to TALK to your colleague, not to avoid the issue. People always worry that they will say the wrong thing, but the worst thing is when no-one says anything at all. Last year, one of my closest friends lost a baby in very late stages of pregnancy. We did take some flowers round - we wanted to take something, and they were definitely well received.

Twinsmum · 09/04/2001 18:04

Spring
I think a short letter is always a good idea. My husband and I faced a similar situation while I was pregnant and I just said in the note how very sorry we were and that we were thinking of her. Also said that if she wanted to talk just to call at any time but that I would also (of course) understand if she found that too difficult (our due dates were very close.) I avoided any kind of 'never mind', 'it'll get better with time' type comments. (I'm happy to say that she recently gave birth to a healthy baby.

Bloss · 09/04/2001 18:56

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Spring · 10/04/2001 09:48

Thank you all for your responses. I think I will write a personal note and suggest other colleagues who know them well do the same. I've decided not to send flowers; I've been trying so hard to imagine their situation and I decided that as it is so near her due date she would have been receiving lots of flowers around this time and it somehow doesn't seem right.

For both of them this is their first child, fairly late on. Thanks for your help. I think this Forum is the most supportive and friendly I've ever seen!

OP posts:
Bugsy · 03/05/2001 13:31

If you have suffered recurring miscarriages, I've just read an article on the online version of the Daily Telegraph about Hughes Syndrome or Antiphospholipid Syndrome. Apparently, a percentage of women who suffer recurring miscarriages have this syndrome. It is something to do with blood clotting and the placenta. However, not all GPs are aware of it and therefore don't send women to be tested. There is some degree of treatment available with blood thinning drugs.
There is a web site address for anyone who wants to find out more: www.hughes-syndrome.org

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