Telling a 3.5yr old that she is no longer going to be an only child! How?

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I am only 7wks pg at the moment, but we are already thinking of ways to tell DD that she is no longer going to be an only child. She has always been adamant that she wants to be an only child, if we test the water and ask about siblings, she just says "I'd rather get another kitten". Great!

She is very bright, thinks far too deeply for her age and is very set in her ways. She is very interested in the human body and devours non-fiction books so this could be a way!

Had she been only 2yrs old or so then it would have been easy to tell her, but at 3.5yr, when her understanding is so much better, it is going to be hard.

She is almost phobic of crawling babies , we cant go to Toddler group anymore because the crawlers freak her...she has never played with dolls so the mothering skills are lacking! She is a very caring little girl though to us and her animals...just not to small infants!

I'd rather tell her after the first scan and then have her come along to the 20wk scan, but it is breaking the news to her!

All tips and advice welcome!
Many thanks

I have a smaller age gap, so don't have so much advice on that front. Could you emphasise that she will be the big sister perhaps?
But I did notice that you are planning to have her come to the 20 week scan - I would be very careful about this, partly as a lot of hospitals won't allow it, but also because some friends of ours had a problem flagged at the 20 week scan. It's very rare of course, but it can happen, and personally I would not be wanting to deal with a toddler when coping with that kind of thing.

Ah good point- maybe I'll go with DH to the 20wk and then arrange a private scan so that DD can come. Some friends have said I should tell her now...at 7wks, but I cant... I need to see the 12wk scan for myself first, just to check!

I would wait till after the 12wk scan and then get her involved as much as you can, Choosing equipment, toys, clothes etc.. also read books about it (plenty around) but dont over do it. good luck!

theyr are 3.5 years between my 2 ds. i told eldest but he didnt quite understand.
for 2 weeks before ds2 was born i left a little wrapped gift at the bottom of his bed every morning (pack of crayons, coloring books, sweets etc) nothing cost more than a £1. and told him they were from the baby and when ds1 came to hospital he received a much wanted power ranger from ds2.
ds1 was thrilled and instantly loved his brother!!!!
id wait until after scan to say cos we told ds1 we were expecting baby no.3 nd he was thrilled but it really upset him when i m/c at 8 weeks. it hit him so much harder than i ever expected!!!

DD is 3 and I'm 6 weeks pregnant, quite similar to your situation. When I found out, I asked her "You know how John has a sister, Bebe Emily, and Jane has a brother, Bebe Matteo, would you like a bebe sister or brother as well?" And she said "Yes". I replied, "OK then, mummy will make a bebe for you"

That was it, really.

What exactly do you mean when you say your 3.5 year old DD "devours non-fiction books"? Like, the Encyclopedia Brittanica?

There are quite a few children's books (fiction, obviously) that talk about having a new brother or sister. It would probably help to read them together at some point.

my dd turned 3 @ the end of aug i am 25 weeks pregnant and due to have a 3d scan this morning we are taking her along.
she has really taken to the idea told her when i was about 7-8 weeks
she keeps saying i am going to be a big sister soon

i'd just keep talking to her about it, but only once you are further along. You could start talking in general about bother and sisters. Do you read books together? Maybe get a load of books about siblings and how they get along? Make sure she knows that the baby won't always be a baby and when he/she grows up they'll be able to play together. Make it sound good to her, tailor it all to things you know she likes

I do recommend a book called 'there's a house inside my mummy' or something like that

There must be books on becoming a big sister too. Try and make the focus more on her than the baby maybe?

I am 10weeks & my ds is 3.9 & very much wanted it to always be him mummy & daddy.. 'I don't want anyone else, only 3 ppl can live in our house, not 4, only 3'

I am a sahm & had quite a lot of morning sickness, ds was getting quite stressed about his mummy 'needing a doctor' and he was crying about it.
So my Mum got the book 'there's a house inside my mummy' about 3 weeks ago, it has a page about mummy feeling unwell & tired etc, he loves books, so after having it read to him he simply looked at me & said 'I think there's a baby in your tummy you're sick like his mummy'

The penny has dropped & he's suddenly excited about being a big brother & hopes the baby will like trains & Fireman Sam!!
Yesterday he even asked to move his bed into the playroom as he thought the baby would like his old winnie the pooh bedroom (This is what we had planned to do anyway in a few months time but he suggested it himself!!)

We would have waited till the 12 weeks scan but we have already had 2.. (6 & 8 wks).

I'm sure your dd will be fine once the baby is here, give her as much notice as you can & allow her to get used to the idea, there are some great books around to help & my midwife & health visitor have also offered advice & support if required!

you OP sounds very negative if you don't mind me saying. She will love being a big sister!

I didn't tell my DSs I was pregnant until I started showing (about 16 weeks) and they were both delighted (they were 3 and 4). We went down the same route that others have mentioned about friends having baby brothers and sisters and so on.

And - they both really wanted a sister but when DS3 came along they never mentioned anything about him not being a girl at all

Just make the messages very positive. A friend with a similar age gap thought it was going to be a big problem for the eldest child, and of course it did turn out that way. Just tell them how fun and exciting it will be to be a bigger family.

Our DD was 3.1 when we told her that mummy has a baby in her tummy. I'm now 27 weeks and she is loving the thought of being a big sister. We decided to tell her first (when we were on holiday), we had our 12 week scan the day we came home, then DD got to tell everyone that I was pregnant. She loved telling all the parents and inlaws that there's a baby in Mummy's tummy and it's coming at Christmas time.