30wks pregnant, nonexistent libido, DH losing the plot a bit

[Verso]

The title says it all really. I don't really want advice: I know it's pretty normal (I've been pg before for one thing!), and I know there are other things we could be doing... I just feel absolutely NO interest. Bizarrely, though, I do have some quite 'fruity' dreams .

DH has been patient so far but it's beginning to irritate me that he's being 'patient' IYSWIM. I just can't get my head round him 'needing' it... Earlier today he put his hand under my top to feel my chest and (a) his hand was very cold and (b) my chest is very sensitive (not in a good way). He was most miffed that I didn't immediately melt into a heap of sensuousness.

I've also got a VERY heavy cold, which I can't seem to shake - sore throat, phlegmy chest, runny nose, conjunctivitis. Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not being a bad wife. I just feel I'm letting him down somehow .

Buy him a copy of Jugs magazine and instruct him to sit on his hand until it goes numb (like the good old days I'm sure) and tell him to go and be 'sensuous' to himself!

I ws never one of those pg people who felt like a ripe peach ready for plucking either.

Oh FGS tell him to visit the bathroom.

You are obv ill atm too. I didn't do anything whatsoever in my 1st pg and DP just had to get on with it.

I would swap the experience of pregnancy (esp the 3rd trimester), labour, childbirth, the sleepless nights, trying to get my body/self confidence back etc etc etc for less sex ANY TIME!!!

This always bugs me when I hear this. You have enough to deal with. Newsflash.... your body is not supposed to want sex at the moment, it is very busy doing other things. Tell him to sort himself out. In the scheme of things, it is hardly a big sacrifice on his part.

Yes, I know I know. I am usually pretty assertive too - although I don't sound it at the moment because I'm ill. Just worried a bit that he's getting annoyed because of it and wondered if anyone had similar exp and how they dealt with it w/o it becoming a big deal in their relationship.

Sorry - I wasn't particularly articulate in my original post. I'm quite capable of saying "no" - just am worried he is getting very disillusioned with me and am not sure how best to tackle that.

As long as you are close in other ways eg cuddling etc it is fine for sex to be off the menu imo.

I always told dp how much i loved him but sex didn't figure for me during 1st pg.

DH never overtly makes me feel guilty about my lack of libido sometimes, its just that nagging guilt you have yourself that they are suffering and being eternally patient.

Is that how you are feeling?

I have learnt to give fairly fantastic hand jobs in such a situation!!

Yes, that's pretty much it, JuneBug, but I do see it on his face sometimes - and he got a bit huffy this morning.

Handjob it is then!!

At least you can be reassured that no matter how crappy you feel you look, he still obviously fancies you!! right now, you are ill. Tell him you don't want him to catch it and promise cuddles etc another time. Then do it. You don't have to have sex, just make him feel good iyswim!

We have the opposite problem in our relationship I am 26wks and very horny, but dp isn't really into my pregnant body or sex at the moment as he's scared of hurting our baby :-( I must say I feel quite put-out and rejected by the lack of love making, so I can empathise with your partner. However, I find that reassurance and lots of hugs and affection do help to some extent (plus some nookie once in a while if i'm lucky). I agree with the other posters, he will just have to satisfy himself for the time being.

Verso I totally understand how you feel. I am the same. I had sex with DH once during first PG and it was horrible, so I have not been near him at all this time and bless him he has been very good, however I have this nagging feeling that things will never be the same as they were afterwards. It took a long time before I was up to anything after DS was born, and eventually it was ok but it felt awkward.

TBH I have just been sweeping it all under carpet and hoping it will just be ok again, but probably not the best thing to do at all. But as Beansprout says, we have got so many other things to worry about at the moment

Agree with beansprout I'm afraid! You are not a 'bad wife' or 'letting him down' and if he ever makes you feel like that then he really needs a talking to. You are dealing with momentous physical changes and are ill too. If that means he has to resort to a fumble in the shower then so be it! It won't be forever after all.

He got you into this situation in the first place so will just have to deal with consequences!

I am exactly the same 30.2 weeks and in all honesty bless he is lucky if he is getting it once every 3 weeks!!

I know what you mean about feeling bad but I just think in my mind go sort yourself out, he has not been to bad only little longing looks every now and then.

Don't beat yourself up over it their is alot going on in your body, lucky people that are up for it though. Or like junebug says handjob all the way.

Have a little sympathy with the guy!

Women seem to react quite differently to lack of sex - with men, a while without a shag (particularly when you're sleeping in the same bed as somebody warm and shaggable) gets really hard.

You start to find thoughts of female forms in your head all the time, your breathing gets short whenever your wife's about, unwanted, erm, physical manifestations... it's not pleasant. A "quick fumble in the shower" doesn't even come close to easing things - any more than a digestive biscuit helps when you really want a Sunday roast.

It sounds like he's being understanding of your (understandable) lack of interest. If he sometimes can't resist a quick grope (and it's haaaard), give him a bit of slack...

32 weeks pregnant and no sex drive whatsoever.

I have SPD, haemorrhoids and a headcold. How on earth could I feel sexy?