Would you let dh go away for 2 nights when you are 39wks pg?

[foxytocin]

Or am i some kind of lunatic.

If he goes, your baby will arrive, if he stays with you it won't - so either decision will be the wrong one! If I was being rational, I'd try to explain your fears about not having him or your doula close to hand, and then ask him to decide which he'd regret missing most - the weekend, or the birth of your baby. However, in reality I think I'd be more like indith and not be at all rational about it. Hope whatever decision you go with works out for you

Foxy - I would let him go whilst feeling totally gutted that he wanted to, and apprehensive that the baby would come whilst he was away. I would only say yes to your scenario though because my DP would only ever ask to go at such a crucial time if it really meant something to him (i know that not all DPs are like this though), and I am a softie when it comes to things like that - if it was a stag do, a golfing trip or some regular blokes night out however, I would probably stab him just for thinking about it!!

So, in summary as I rambled somewhat (!!), YANBU to want him to stay, it is not at all unreasonable in wanting him with you but for me personally, I would've let my DP go. I do however understand that most people who have more spine than me would put their foot down irrespective, and you would be WELL within your rights to do this.

Do you think that your partner understands that this labour is likely to be a lot quicker, and that the average times for second labours won't allow him to get back in time?

well done lollipop, that's what I think, but couldn't get across eloquently!

I would'nt ,only because i have never made it to 39wks

Songbird - I'm totally with you, I would tell my DP the facts and then leave him to decide whether his conscience would allow it or not .... I'm wondering if this is just massively passive-aggressive though!

My DH was in hospital for 2 nights when I was 39 weeks pregnant. Other than that, no, out of the question (and he wasn't even my birth partner).

weirdly I would not like him to miss the do. I think I am just feeling like cabin fever because dd has been alone with me everyday this week since she was poorly. she normally has 2 full days in nursery so I can recharge my batteries. I just think that being with me day and night alone till sunday will drive me round the bend. with the weather being crap and the physical state I am in, I just don't have any respite from being in the house with her.

I have no family nearby (foreigner) to take her on and all my 'friends' are through work. I hate to impose on her godmother who is happy enough to look after her and has done so most friday pm for the last 6 wks. (not today though.)

I will ask dh if he would feel worse about missing the birth or missing the do. I think that sounds like a loaded question, don't you?

oh, i have nothing to compare the this labour with really. I had a horrendous induction with dd1 at 38+ wks due to pre-eclampsia and then things got worse as i began to fit with dd still inside me but thankfully they managed to ventouse her before they could get me into an EMCS and we were both fine, eventually.

With that history I am amazed your DH is even entertaining the idea of leaving, but I just don't think that all men are as clued up as us ladies. I don't mean that as a cop-out on their behalf, or to sound like I'm looking down on them, but I know for a fact that my DP only knows what he does because I have told him - he hasn't read any books because it's just not his thing, and because he isn't the one that is pregnant, it doesn't mean that he isn't interested though. However, if I didn't tell him that my labour is likely to be like X,Y,Z then he wouldn't have a bloody clue!

Foxy - You've got to tell him the facts, then if you don't actually mind him going tell him that you don't mind him going but that it is up to him. Bloody hell though, he should be making the choice to stay with you once you've actually told him all about it!

No.

I understand him hankering wistfully to go.
I understand you sort of not wnating to miss out.

But circumstances are against it. It isn't practical. It's one of those things.

If I had child care and a way to get to hospital, then I probably would as I'm quite keen to labour on my own.. I like to go into myself and he needs constant reassurance that everything is ok.

DH travels quite a lot for work, but last time and this time we have agreed no overnight trips in the last month of pg. TBH it's not so much labouring on my own that I'm worried about (have doula booked) but that DH would feel bad for missing the birth and also more importantly just being knackered and heavily pregnant with a toddler to look after on my own.

DP went away (to denmark) very late on in first pg (can't quite remember when). But that was because one of his best friends was dying so I wanted him to go. (My bf stood in as potential birth partner but DD was late anyway.)

foxy - you say it will be a while before he gets the chance again to go on one of these gentleman's dos. The problem is, this second baby will only ever be born once, and he'll never get the chance to see that again. Does he want to risk missing that? Do you mind if he misses that?

I think you ladies speak lots of sense and I am a bit lacking.

Unless you actively don't want him anywhere near you when your (and his!) baby is born, then it's just out of the question isn't it? I am another 39weeker, and really, really needed and wanted my dh there.

DH tried to persuade me that going to a University reunion on the day DS was DUE was a reasonable idea as it was sooo unlikely DS would be born on time

I went into labour the day before so he was grounded and DS arrived perfectly on his due date - no reunion! I tell you never trust a Dr especially if your married to him Really wanted to say I told you so but the moment never quite came up

Well, if he goes, does this mean I get this baby out a week early?

DH had to go on work training the days before DS was due for 3 days - 4 hours on train away. I had everything in place for backup etc., fridge stocked, bags packed for DS to go to mums etc., car seats ready and not only did he come back the same day (turned out he didn't need to stay as long), DS2 was born 13 days late!

I think this is a very personal decision TBH. My DH would not risk missing the birth of a child for anything. It is a massive event in both our lives and he wants to be there. It is also a really intense experience that both of us have shared. Have done it twice now. We do talk about it occasionally when childbirth comes up eg last night when there was a programme about childbirth on.

Couple this with abject misery during the last 2-3 weeks of pregnancy (for me anyway) and he wants to be around to help me TBH.

But it is up to you both. Would either you or he (or both) be sad for the rest of your life that he missed the birth of your child. If not, then I say let him go. If so, then put your foot down.

My husband's work takes him way from home continually, he only just made it to the 12 week scan and will miss the 20 week scan, but we've agreed that he will make sure he's not sent out on any gigs for about a month before our due date, just in case.

When I first started reading this post I was thinking, well yeah of course I wouldn't mind if he needed to be away during week 39 because I am so used to him having to be away, but having read all the replies I think I'd probably kick up a fuss if it happens to us!

Hi Everyone.

i didn't try to influence dh's decision one way or another and he decided on his own to stay. I think he can see me physically slowing down and dd needing more of his attention for this reason. Plus the 'you never know what can transpire' while he is gone.

I did ask him yesterday on a scale of 1 - 10 how important the do was for him. He said, well you know I would have to say 10 with a cheeky grin but then added honestly, it is not that important. I believe him because we are very straight up with each other on the whole.

The decider for him though is that he knows that if he meets up with the boys that he will have a good few pints both nights and on monday he has a liver function test to take and alcohol consumption will influence it negatively.

He didn't tell his mates about the test, just that it was too close to my due date. And they are nice mates, I like them all, they said they didn't really expect him to turn up anyway.

Glad that he's made that decision Foxytocin