Mumsnet Jury - Is my intense broodiness due to just turning 40 and time is running out, or do I REALLY want another??

[bootsmonkey]

That's it really... I have one DD who is 6 and have been overwhelmed by broodiness in the last couple of months, down to dreams involving breast feeding a newborn. Is this my hormones just having a laugh with me, or should I listen??

I have been happy to stick at one for many years now, but am suddenly besieged by a deep felt want. There are so many negatives to having another (age, finances, health, blah, blah, blah) that I feel reckless even entertaining the idea...

Help me retain my sanity, please!!

How is pregnancy at 40+?? It was hard enough the first time round. My boobs have only just about recovered...

Life does indeed suck sometimes. Reading what some have been through (cq & LivvyW and all the others on here) makes me realise how lucky I am with what I have, and maybe I should just let it be and be happy...

Well BM, there is about a 4% chance of it happening again. Not huge, but then the chance of it happening in the first place was 1 in 400,000 and it happened to us.

Knowing the risks, they would scan me more closely to spot the defects in utero. But if I know the problem is there, I will just worry for the rest of the pregnancy, and then go through hell when it's born. At least with DD we didn't know a thing about it until she was born. It was one hell of a shock.

I turned 42 this week. Ground rush.

It's all so difficult.

But what also scares me is that I will get to 50 and hugely regret not having had more.

Feeling very mixed up about it all this week, not helped by the fact that I have a friend with a tiny baby born at 28 wks and fighting for life -she's doing really well and is through the worst. And another friend has just had the funeral of her 18 yr old son who was killed in a tragic accident.

Life is so precious and precarious.

I have now depressed everyone. And still no answers.

BM - pregnancy for me at 40 was a breeze, we were just married, i had never thought i'd get there. Loved (almost) every minute of pregnancy, childbirth and most of all recovery was more than a bit of a shock. But i don't think that was too unusual.

I also am counting my blessings because my DD is such great little person. And this week especially i am cherishing our time together, because if i was dealing with a newborn i would not be able to share some lovely relaxed special moments that we've had.

But she is so affectionate with other babies i can't help feeling that she's really the one missing out.

cq - i too am scared of that regret at 50. I am so sorry for both your friends, and wish them both all the strength they need right now. These kind of events will always spark those mixed up feelings.

Life does suck sometimes, it is also like you say, SO precious. Maybe the more precious life created, the better?

I too loved pregnancy and found the birth enormously empowering. I would love to repeat that. It is a selfish desire, purely for me to enjoy that amazing time of growing another life.

I too am terrified that I will regret it later in life if we don't at least try.. having said that we used the withdrawal method for over 2 years and nothing happened.... Turning 40 & getting closer to 50/menopause/whatever makes it feel that much more pressing and less abstract.

They say you never regret having too many children, but often regret not having enough... Hearing of the loss of young life often concentrates that thought in your mind as it is just too tragic for words.

CQ - 4% is low odds, but then it is easy for me to say on this side of the argument! I wish you luck in making an incredibly hard decision. How does your DH feel about it??

bootsmonkey I think it sounds like you will regret it if you don't go for another.

It sounds to me that you should go for it

Your story is very heartening for me, we have dd (4.2) and I would love another, I'm as broody as anything, but can't get dh to agree to TTC. I am waiting for a change of mind... all the while noting that the age gap between dd and potential dc2 is getting bigger and bigger. Good to hear all these positive stories of bigger age gaps.

Bring it on. There's always room and love for another. If we thought about practicalities none of us would ever have any children.

I have four and my broodiness is just begining to fade. Even now though, if DH wanted to, I'd go for another.

TigerFeet - I was pretty happy with my lot up to now, partly becasue Dh was SO adamant there wasn't oing to be a second - I am amazed he has changed his mind TBH - it has been about 3 months of relentless badgering. If I had know it was going to be that easy, I would have started when she first went to school!! Have you really told your DH how you feel - men don't understand the gut reaction this causes in a woman and that it can feel like a physical ache. Good luck.

Spidermama, I agree about the practicalities - it is my lot to overanalyse everything and it feels so against the grain to throw caution to the wind...

Anyone else have anything to add. I am now veering towards the let it lie stage of my cycle, but am fully expecting the all out broodiness to kick in again in about a week...

Is there anyone out there who ignored it all and stuck at one??