Pregnancy after stillbirth

[feedmenow]

Just wondering if there are any other mums-to-be out there who have had a previous stillbirth?

I'm finding it quite hard on the normal ante-natal threads, I think because my concerns are mainly different to everyone elses. But I don't want to bring any of them down when they deserve to be so happy and excited, IYSWIM?

Anyway, am hoping there might be some others in the same boat as me who i can chat to in a more open way?

Greenlawn, if you come back and read this I just wanted to say how amazing I think you are. I mean, you obviously had no choice if you wanted to save the "surviving" baby, but it must have been so hard to know that you'd lost one but still having to carry him.

I wonder about nature at times. I mean, I wonder why your body didn't try and give birth to him? I'm glad it didn't cos it would have put your little survivor at great risk, but it's odd, none the less.

When I had a missed mc last year, I had an ERPV at 12 weeks, almost 4 weeks after the baby had died. Why on earth was my body still holding on, I wonder?

Hi feedmenow, thanks for your kind message. I was warned I could go into labour at any minute, but it just never happened. I think its generally more usual for the body to respond (which is why missed mc are meant to be rare) but mine didn't. There are so many things I wish I had answers to.

Only 6 weeks to go now for me - can't wait to get this baby out! All the best.

Hi. Am new to this so not sure if this will end up in the right section or what. But just to say hello and I too had a stillbirth and am now 7 weeks pregnant. I had a wee girl in May 08 who was born too early due to a placental abruption. I am now kind of in a permanent state of anxiety and worrying that I will cause a miscarriage. My wee girl wasn't due til 30th August so I feel I should still be pregnant with her...my head is right up my butt!

Hello everyone
I gave birth to my stillborn son on the 30th May and have just found out I am pregnant again; approxiamately 7 weeks. I am very nervous and also feel extremely sceptical about ever delivery a living baby. Unfortunately the experience has opened a Pandora's Box of frightening facts, and I am now armed with an unwelcome and in depth knowledge of everything that can go wrong during pregnancy; from the obvious to the obscure. In fact, my consultant has told me not to go on the internet anymore. So I am being disobedient; don't tell her, anyone...

I think we just have to hold tight and keep going.

Hi there just read your messages and see you are both 7 weeks!

Of course you're worried, its completely normal - but knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

I know it seems a very long road to giving birth, I've only got 6 weeks to go but it seems to be dragging now. A good friend of mine who had a stillbirth likes to quote Churchill - "when you're going through hell ... keep going".

Wishing all of you the best - I'm on here most days so feel free to say hello.

Hi, I have only joined MN today, as i found out on Tuesday that I am pg.

My daughter was still born on 2nd March this year and I am still grieving for her, I feel like i am in a long dark tunnel most days with no way out. I found out on Tuesday that I am 5 weeks pg and feel really confused now, I am over the moon about this one, but as my dd was born at 38+6 have the whole pg to go through. They have said that we won't be allowed past 37 - 38 weeks this time and they will give us extra scans.

I too am a member on sands, but have not announced anything about this pg on there just yet. Want to see midwife and have early scan i think first.

Don't think i'll relax until baby is in my arms and I am SO SO looking forward to sleepless nights and pooey nappy changes. Never got to do it with dd obviously and long for sleepless nights from my baby crying.

Hope all is well with you x x

Just a quick message to you all to wish you all the best in this pregnancy and happy endings. Our second son was stillborn at 35 weeks. No reasons found. I've had two other daughters since, both by CS at 38 weeks (also had gestational diabetes with them). I found being pregnant again very tough, veering between being totally detached, "just in case", and being totally involved, again just in case this is all I get.

Hi everyone
Cthea thanks for your heartening reply, and Greenlawn all my best best wishes for your new baby.

AHB; I am having to stay away from SANDS (or SADNESS as my husband calls it) at the moment. The new posts about new losses are too hard and frightening and I feel that my positivity is so low and skewed I need to protect the little I have.

I have just heard from the hospital and we have our first (very early) scan next Wed. I really hope you can secure one too as it has given me something to focus on
x

Juliette, SADNESS is a good name for it. I go one there alot still. Understand what you mean though and also there have been quite a few silly arguments recently between some members, so i feel kind of afraid to post my real feelings at the moment.

Good luck for the scan. Will try my best to get one secured ASAP!! In fact phoning dr's now!!

x

Quite right to fight for an early scan. I didn't get one and first scan was my usual at 12 weeks. My pregnancy has been pretty much treated as normal up until this point. Its when i see my consultant that the level of care gets stepped up!! Wish I'd had an early scan though because I spent the first few weeks believing that I would lose this one too. Thankfully all is well so far

Hi. Just been for scan and am happy and amazed the little thing is still there and growing. It's only 2cm but you can see a heartbeat. I am now 8 wks 4 days. Just wondering how Juliette got on as you were going for scan this week too and we seem to have similar circumstances. Hope it went well.
And can I just say that not only am I growing a potential baby, but also growing a cyst on my ovary and a fibroid in my uterus?!

I just suffered a loss at 23 weeks DS was born silent on Aug 12 08. It's been hard and I know it seems early to some but I'm still wondering about a next pregnancy. I also suffered a miscarriage last Sept. So with the suggestion of EVERYONE I made an appt. with a specialist. My appt is in 2 weeks so I'll let everyone know what he says!

Klkvenus, so sorry about your baby. Please don't worry about 'the right time' to start trying again. Only you and your husband can know what's right for you.

Good luck with the specialist - please come back and let us know how you get on.

How is everyone else getting on . . . ?

Hi. I had a stillborn Daughter on Jan. 31, 2008. I'm now 4 weeks pregnant thanks to Clomid, and I'm worried sick. I'm trying not to worry or stress about anything, but I can not help it. I am no longer the neive happy pregnant woman I once was. I second guess everything, and can never fully trust any doctor again. It's going to be one hell of a long pregnancy, I just hope things turn out different this time.

I wish everyone much luck and support in their pregnancies.

Hi everyone
It is nice to see this thread again. I am heading towards another scan (11 weeks) on Thursday. Feel terrifically negative and irritable and extremely fearful. We are about to go on holiday and was told (again) by someone to 'enjoy this one without kids'. I wanted to remind them that our last hol (while pregnant) was 'without kids', and was supposed to be our last, and that we would do anything to change that.

Sending love to all x

Hi Weecuppa
Thanks for thinking of me. I missed your post. So next scan coming up, but so far ok. Sorry to hear about the cyst and fibroid. What will happen?

Hi. Hope you are all doing well and having a good day. So far so good with this pregnancy..despite me being anxious, worried, etc. I burst into tears at my last scan as I had convinced myself that they were going to tell me that there was no heartbeat. But in actual fact baby was fine (13 wks 4 days today..and counting!). Plus the cyst had 'popped' (nice) and the fibroid shrunk a bit. Today I had a shot of my friends doppler so I could listen to the heartbeat..very reassuring as I heard it straight away. Tho I imagine it could get a bit addictive and I would get a right fright if I couldn't hear it. Anyway, that is my chat for today. Take care everyone

Hello,

On Monday I found out that I was pregnant again at the grand old age of 41, following a full-term stillbirth in August 2007. I already have an 11-y-o daughter. At the moment, and despite doing two pregnancy tests, I do not actually believe that I am pregnant, and - if I do insist to myself that, yes, it's true, the tests are more than 99% accurate, for goodness sake! - I feel pessimistic as to the chances of my baby surviving. My feelings aren't helped by the fact that I have absolutely no symptoms as yet, apart, of course, from my missed period. I guess by blanking my pregnancy out and trying not to acknowledge it on a certain level, I am protecting myself in case something goes wrong.

I thought I would feel many things if I were to fall pregnant again (and believe you me, we have been trying - hard): terror, euphoria, hope, dread. What I didn't expect was to feel so removed from my body and the baby inside me. I think this will be a thing that will only change over time, when - and if - the pregnancy continues; when the tests have been done; when the life of my child is deemed viable. Until then, I think this numbness will continue. It is not what I expected. Is this similar to how you feel?

Hi Esther
I keep a diary and this time round (21 weeks after a 24 week stillbirth) one of the entries says 'not so much a pregnancy but a test of strength'. I have a few coping strategies, but one I find most resonant ('comforting' isn't the right word; I am as taut as a wire!) is the notion of 'going forward'.
In that, even if you really couldn't cope and went to bed all day, even if work is awful, even if you are in a constant state of worry, time just keeps chugging forward regardless of our fears. You will never have to go back and do it all again; whatever happens now at worst will be different, and at best will work out well.

May I ask if you know the reason for your stillbirth? I am so sorry, so sorry it occured at full term. I know how unbearable it was for me at 24 weeks. And yes, this time I just can't believe things will be ok. Thinking of you, and the other people who are on this thread.

Many thanks for your kind and thoughtful response, Juliette. What you say makes perfect sense and is a comforting notion. I will try to embrace it!

My son had Trisomy 18, a genetic condition which could not have been prevented and which, sadly, did not show up in any of the tests (only had non-invasive tests as everything looked fine).

I knew, however, that something was wrong because I felt so little movement, but was reassured by healthcare professionals over and over again with the standard line: 'Every pregnancy is different'. I was also told I was going to have a "huge" baby. The poor little thing was 4lbs at birth - it had been the huge amount of amniotic fluid (characteristic of the condition) that they had been feeling. However, even if I'd screamed and shouted, demanded every test under the sun, the outcome would still have been the same. The only difference would have been that hubby and me would have had time to prepare mentally, and I would have avoided the horror of a crash casearean and everything that followed it.

Having had one child with Trisomy 18, there is a small but nevertheless real risk that any other children might also have the condition. There's also, of course, the question of my age...

I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you too, and to all the parents on this board. May I ask what happened in your case?

Hi Esther
In my case I caught a virus that most people are immune too. Sadly I caught it (parvovirus) at a particularly dangerous time and it passed over to the baby and made him ill. I had no idea and felt in very rude health. He slowed down and stopped moving.
I am now immune to that virus, so that can't reoccur.

I am terrified this time it will be something else. I have sort of accepted I will have to live in a state of fear. I attend counselling and there was a sort of grave and sad relief in accepting the heightened worry and stress as part of the pregnancy.

Through talking and thus arranging my thoughts I realised I wasn't likely to arrive at a 'turning point' moment, and that in a way there was a bit of peace to be found in not constantly chasing false happiness or the dream of a 'commercial' state of maternal bliss.

Are you under consultant care this time round? Are you planning to have extra tests and scans? I know this will be a very very fraught journey for you, and you have my very best wishes. We all need them!

Hi, esther and juliette.
Im so sorry to hear both of your stories. I lost my 2nd son- he was still born at 28 weeks, he had a true knot x3 in his cord I was told it was something like a 1 in 33,0000 chance of it ever happening (dont quote me on that tho. I then went on to have an early miscarriage with my 3rd PG but even with such a high % of it happening in the 1st place let alone again I still spent my 4th PG panicing. I saw a consultant through out but theres nothing that they could do to ease my mind. Im no PG again (15 weeks) and im feeling very unsure of this PG already as ive had no major symptoms yet- Ive always had sickness, indegestion etc. I know nothings gone wrong as ive still got tender boobs etc but it still doesnt feel real yet.
I think its only naturual for what weve been through to panic or feel unsure until weve got a happy healthy baby in our arms I dont think our minds will ever be able to rest.
I didnt enjoy my 3rd sons pregnacy at all because of all the worrying, but now I look back and it was worth it- hes the most georgous little cheeck monkey.
best wishes to you both. x