Why keep it a secret?

[HippoGirl]

I was just curious as to why anyone would keep being pregnant a secret? Obviously you might not want to tell the whole world, and if you're unhappy about the pregnancy... but if it's a wanted pregnancy then why not tell everyone? I have a friend who has recently suffered some miscarriages, which is awful for her .. but now she's saying that she won't tell anyone about her next pregnancy before the scan, although she'd tell us all if she had a miscarriage so I don't see the point! Especially if we can support her!

Did you keep your wee bump a secret?

I waited until the 12 week scan. Very difficult, basically had to avoid phoning my mother and sister, which was weird. But I knew my risk of fetal malformations was quite high so I wanted to be as sure as you can be that things were OK before I went public. Quite stressful when someone I line-managed asked me point blank before I felt ready to tell. Ended up lying as couldn't think of anything else fast enough.

I told my mum and dad because I couldn't imagine having to tell them that I was pregnant and I had had a miscarriage in the same sentence should I have had one.

I didn't tell anyone at work for a while because it was none of their business. This did mean I couldn't tell friends that knew my work colleagues either which I was a little sad about.

Dh and I needed some time to get used to the idea before sharing with others. We wanted to have some answers to the questions people ask before we started getting asked them.

We didnt tell anyone except our older kids until i was 25 weeks. For all the reasons that everyone else has said .....plus....

I am quite a private person and get really annoyed / embarassed when virtual strangers start asking me about intimate things eg Are you constipated? I got it so badly in theh first trimester..." " How long have you been trying?" etc etc

No one tries to pat your tummy if they just think you are fat

We wanted to tell our 3yo child when it was best for her and us and not have her told by others then endlessly interrogated on the subject for 8 months!!!

I find the earlier you tell " everyone" the longer the pregnancy seems to last!

I've always told people about my pregnancies in the very early days. I've been too excited to keep it quiet. IMO if anything awful was to have happened they would have found out about it anyway.

we told everyone that i was pg with ds at about 6 weeks as a friend guessed & we didn't want other people working it out before we'd told the grandparents. this time, i told my parents as soon as we'd found out (5 weeks), closely followed by friends, & then random people i met on the bus.... though i didn't tell work 'til 11 weeks. dp was much more circumspect, didn't tell his parents 'til 10 weeks (& wanted to wait 'til after my 12 week scan but i was showing already). i found this quite frustrating but understood his reasoning. i had a scan at 6.5 weeks so we knew there was something in there. i do have diabetes & the risk of problems is higher. i've been lucky enough not to have any miscarriages, & have watched quite a few friends go through their 2nd pregnancies & tell everyone as soon as they knew. i'm basically a tell the world person, dp isn't. wow, this has turned into an epic post!

My very odd BIL and SIL didn't tell my MIL until SIL was 6 months pg with their second.

Mind you she has a special pouch somewhere deep in her body cavity and doesn't show at all.

They are very emotionally closed people anyway.

I suffered a mc at 12 wks the last time and hadn't told anyone yet which I found a relief as telling 'everyone' I had miscarried would have been harder to live with.

This time I had a nervous till then but felt good about waiting. I became very angry at a nosy work colleague who suspected I was pg and was going around telling everyone else she suspected I was.

I got some pleasure out of making her one of the last people to confirm it to.

I suffered a mc at 12 wks the last time and hadn't told anyone yet which I found a relief as telling 'everyone' I had miscarried would have been harder to live with.

This time I had a nervous till then but felt good about waiting. I became very angry at a nosy work colleague who suspected I was pg and was going around telling everyone else she suspected I was.

I got some pleasure out of making her one of the last people to confirm it to.

We kept our pregnancy with DS a secret till about 10 weeks because we thought that that is what you do (I told my mum and dad but that was it).
With my second pregnancy we told everyone straight away ... and it was really really hard to 'untell' everyone when I had my miscarriage at 12 weeks.
I had several instances of "Wow, you don't look pregnant at all!" and had to reply, "Well, actually I am not!" and "I hear you are having a baby, congratulations!", "Um, well, actually I am not!"
I am glad that my mum and sister and one good friend knew though, as they were really great at the time of the m/c.
With DD we didn't tell anyone (again, except mum, sister, good friend) and it was really nice to ring/e-mail everyone at 12 weeks to announce it and to confirm that the 12 week scan showed everything was going ahead normally.
IF (and a big big IF) I have another baby we will wait till 12 weeks again.

Of course, when I fell pregnant with DD I did tell about 20,000 people straight away .... YOU LOT on Mumsnet!!!!!

First time I was pregnant we waited for 3 months just to be sure that all was well. ds now 4.
Had a miscarriage at 9ish weeks a few weeks ago and am so so pleased I'd told almost no one. As it was, a lot of family guessed at xmas but, in retrospect,I'd rather the wider family had not known. If I get pg again no one knows til I see a good scan, of course that doesn't guarantee anything, it's just I think that 12 week milestone means your statistically through some of the woods.
I have a friend who told her ds and her ds's friends that she was about 4 wks pregnant and had to suffer loads of questions from the kids after she miscarried which I think was really hard for her.
Each person has to do what's right for them - I'm just so aware of how many people m/c and how hard it is for some of us if too many people know.

I think there are really good reasons for telling the world--and really good reasons for keeping quiet. I'm waiting for my 12 week scan before telling anybody whose shoulder I wouldn't feel OK crying on if there is a problem (I'm 43, so nuchal results really are significant). The one person I am definitely not telling for a while (probably not before 20 week scan) is DS, as know he will be very excited about the baby and would be very upset if something happened to it.

I think it is a personal thing when to tell people.
When i was pregnant on my DD, we were going to wait til 12 weeks to tell family etc, but our Gp asked why, because if i had had a miscarriage we would have told people. His philosphy was that you should share the good news with people, in case there was bad news to come, it would be hard for people to accept the bad if they didnt have the good.
So with that in mind we told family and close friends when i was 6 weeks pregnant. Just as well really cause from 6 weeks i was sick until 17 weeks. I had to take a month off work i was so bad.

We didn't tell any friends or family I was pregnant with dd2 until I was 20 weeks. and I didn't tell my work until I was 22 weeks.

We didn't want to tell dd1 right at the start anyway as it would just result in months of questions, so we decided to wait.

As it happened when we went for the first scan at 12 weeks they spotted potential problems and I had to have tests.

I was so very glad that we hadn't told anyone as I don't think I could have faced un-telling everyone if the worst had come to the worst. My granny was a bit put out when she discovered how far along I was but once we explained about the tests etc she understood, as did everyone else.

It's just a personal thing for some people.