Trying to conceive after past terminations and feeling anxious about fertility

[BePinkWriter]

Hi ladies,

I’m wanting to share my story with no judgement, please. I’m currently 32 and my partner is 33. We are currently in our fourth month of TTC with no joy yet (I know it’s still early days in terms of the TTC journey) but I can’t help but feel like I’m never going to see those two lines.

A bit of back story, I have been pregnant twice in the past. Once when I was 19 and I (very stupidly) had unprotected sex with my partner ONE time and fell pregnant. This pregnancy ended with an abortion as I was too young and not ready for a baby, but gave me a huge wake up call.

The second time I was 25 with my partner of 3 years and I actually fell pregnant whilst on the pill. I wanted to continue with the pregnancy, however, my partner was not supportive and did not want me to have this baby. After a very upsetting, stressful and traumatising few weeks, I realised I could not raise a baby on my own, and chose to also terminate that pregnancy, which still eats me alive to this day (and yes, I did end that relationship after this!)

Now I’m 32 and have been with my partner for 5 years. I don’t know why but I thought I’d have no issue falling pregnant quickly, I have always assumed that I must be “incredibly fertile”. I’m starting to really wonder whether this is my karma for terminating two pregnancies in the past and now I’m in a fantastic position to welcome a baby into the world, it’s not going to happen for me. It’s really playing on my mind. I genuinely believe my time has passed and I’m never going to get my positive test 😔 I’m also starting to become concerned that my age is against me.

Has anyone else had an experience like this and had positive stories?

Thank you!

It is absolutely not karma and you did the right thing terminating your pregnancies when you weren't able to raise those children.

I had to terminate my pregnancy (for medical reasons) at 20 weeks last February and got pregnant again within 5 months. Like you I felt distraught the first few cycles when I tried and it wasn't happening, and finally we decided to increase the amount of times we were having sex and I got pregnant! A lot of the time people are not having enough sex. I don't know if that's the case for you, but I would recommend having sex every other day after your period ends and every day starting 5 days before ovulation and until the day after ovulation.

I understand the guilt there is around having terminated pregnancies and then hoping for a new baby, but you've done nothing wrong!

If you haven't managed to conceive within 6 months to a year, there are so many fertility investigations you can do and so many options to get pregnant, as you're still young (I'm almost 36).

It's not your karma and four months of ttc is very early to be feeling despair. You are among a huge number of women who have had two terminations and gone on to conceive - if karma was punishing them we'd have noticed by now!

Absolutely no judgement here and you do not 'deserve' anything bad to happen.

I had a surgical termination when I was about 28, I didn't want to see or feel anything that goes along with the medical option. I vaguely remember hearing something about there being a minuscule risk to future fertility as a result of scar tissue.

I had my first baby aged 39 and am expecting my second aged 41. I was lucky to conceive quickly, though I had a loss in between. But in the grand scheme of things four months isn't all that long - I appreciate it will feel like much longer with this weighing on your mind - up to a year is considered normal, and age is certainly still on your side.

Wishing you lots of luck and please be kind to yourself x

Gosh it isn’t karma please don’t think of it that way.

A lot of my friends in their 30s have taken 6 months or longer to conceive naturally, including another friend of mine who also had a termination in her 20s

I had a surgical termination at 20 (morning after pill didn’t work). It lulled me into a bit of a false sense of security that I was really fertile and assumed I would get pregnant straight away, but I struggled to get pregnant at 35. Turns out I had endometriosis and it progresses with age. Now pregnant post surgery and via IVF at 36 🤞💫✨