Pregnant after IVF and struggling to feel I fit in anywhere

[sunflower1906]

I can’t quite bring myself to join the march or April pregnancy groups as I just feel like I don’t quite fit in there.

After 2 years of IVF multiple FETS and 2 fresh cycles, telling myself this will never happen again and just going through the motions to say we tried all we could, I am pregnant …. Even typing that feels weird. I have my viability scan this Thursday when il be 8+3 and I just can’t see past it. I feel like it won’t be good news, even through there’s no reason for this particularly and to be honest if its not good news il be pretty annoyed as I feel rubbish with the nausea, tiredness and food cravings/aversions. Also feel like I can’t complain about how rubbish I feel as I wanted this if that makes sense, I hate how IVF has changed how my brain now thinks!

I also have a 3 year old from a previous successful IVF cycle in 2022. This time I’m on full immune protocol with blood thinners and the usual progesterone and lubion.

Hoping to find some lovely people out there who just get this feeling xx

It's sounds like simple anxiety about the pregnancy. It's perfectly normal to try to 'protect' yourself emotionally by not having any expectations. I know I didn't want to even talk about the baby until I was 12 weeks or so.

I hope that your upcoming scan goes well and can help reassure you so that you can try to enjoy it.

I completely empathise with the feeling like you can’t complain! I’m 38 weeks after 2 and a half years TTC and felt so guilty any time I complained about anything. It did get better, the feelings did settle. Hopefully yours does too, be kind to yourself

All the best with your scan on Thursday!

I can completely relate ❤️‍🩹 🫂

Pregnant currently from IVF, post endometriosis surgery and miscarriage. I’m 13+5 today 😅

I started pregnancy feeling so burned out by the mission emotional and physical it was to get here. Felt like I was attending my own execution going to the viability scan, convinced it was going to be bad news. Had an enormous bleed from a haematoma. If anyone congratulated me I had to qualify it. Didn’t want to discuss moving with my husband before 20 weeks (we have no space!). Feeling just exhausted and not knowing if I would be able to pick myself up again if this doesn’t work out. Also wondering why I was even doing this to myself

What happened very unexpectedly though was that with every scan (I’ve ridiculously had 7 because of these haematomas) I got that bit more positive and it started to feel like it was going to happy. I did the NIPT test and found out the gender at 11 weeks. Broke all my rules. We signed a lease. I ordered a sleepsuit with a name on it. And I don’t feel a burned up broken old shell anymore.

Honestly I think going into pregnancy and getting all the first trimester hormones ON TOP of all the IVF hormones and baggage you carry getting here is just awful. You’re in the peak of it but it does lift

I’m in the February 2027 group and there are a few ladies who’ve had IVF, recurrent losses or prior complicated and traumatic births. When you’re ready to join I’m sure you won’t find yourself out on your own 🫂 but I completely understand that’s how it feels

Wishing you all the best for Thursday xx

I can relate! I’m 11 weeks pregnant now from IVF after more than 3 years TTC including 3 failed transfers…

The first couple of weeks after testing positive were hellish, I felt rotten from the IVF drugs + pregnancy hormones combo and I just couldn’t get my head around it.

I’m not quite at ‘happy and excited’ yet but I feel so, so much better than those first few weeks. My first trimester symptoms are easing, I’m off most of the IVF meds and I’m feeling so much less anxious. I still don’t like saying “I’m pregnant” but that’s ok, I don’t have to say it to many people! (Pilates teachers and medical professionals only 😂)

Just go at your own pace and focus on the next step only if you feel overwhelmed. I think it’s normal to feel like this after what we’ve been through. So much uncertainty and disappointment and loss… it takes time turn the ship around and feel confident and excited!

I’ve joined the March WhatsApp group and there are people who’ve been through IVF and pregnancy loss as well as people who’ve had a more straightforward journey and I’m surprised at how much I like the mix of experiences. It’s nice to see people getting excited about baby clothes even if I’m nowhere near ready for that yet… a good reminder that it probably will be ok and it’s normal and ok to be excited.

Wishing you all the best for your scan on Thursday!

I can relate a bit. I’m pregnant after IUI treatment. It took us a long time to conceive and this is our first pregnancy. I don’t feel I quite fit into other groups - particularly when others are sharing it’s their 3rd, 4th, 5th pregnancy… or they conceived naturally after one month of trying!

Also definitely don’t feel bad about complaining, IVF and early pregnancy are tough going!

I do get what you mean though, it feels strange to complain about something you’ve dreamed about for years and put so much time/energy/money into getting…

As someone well and truly out the other side, I’d recommend accessing some counselling.

IVF is just hard - you go from a very stressful, sometimes traumatic TTC period to a stressful, fraught pregnancy (even if medically straightforward) and then at the end you have a newborn and all that entails without ever getting a break to process it all. I also found NCT classes a bit hard as everyone was (understandably) quite concerned with giving birth and my husband and I were like… no this is the easy part.

And you get the odd dagger to the heart when your NCT friends casually drop they were pregnant a month after their wedding, or when subsequent children are conceived easily on their preferred timeline.

I ended up back in counselling to process it all when my child was 3 and it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself.

Lots of hugs, you will get there in the end but I do recommend talking to someone.

I conceived after three years of infertility and IUI and was very ill throughout the whole pregnancy. It was only when admitted to hospital at 12 weeks that I could be truthful about how truly awful it was. Of course the baby was very much wanted but vomiting all day every day for months meant I couldn't be as happy as I had expected.

Good luck, I hope you have a successful pregnancy and birth.