35 weeks pregnant and anxious about travelling for memorial

[Anon3708]

Currently 34 weeks pregnant with a nearly 2 year old. My MIL passed away a couple of weeks ago and so we are going to the memorial 4 hours away from home next week (I’ll be 35 weeks).
I am feeling really nervous about the trip since it is so far from home but my partner thinks I’m being over the top and says I’ll be fine. I said I’ll let my midwife know and will take a hospital bag incase but he thinks I’m being unreasonable.
I’m feeling uncomfortable that if I go into labour 1) I had a very quick first birth (less than 2 hours) and barely made it to hospital. And 2) if something does happen and I need to go to hospital I will either have to go alone or leave our 2 yr old with unfamiliar family (he has seen a handful of times but never been alone with).
I do understand this isn’t about me and I should be supporting my partner but am I being completely unreasonable to feel nervous about the trip? Also any tips to calm nerves and survive a long journey pregnant with a toddler?

Take the bag, research local options and inform the midwife, but this is primarily your anxiety speaking. Focus on being supportive to your partner. Can the toddler be left with your family if he knows them better?

If you had a fast labour previously, the second one is likely to be faster. So you need to have plans in place for how you will deal with that wherever you are.
How close to your due date were you last time?
I had DC1 at 36 weeks and DC 2&3 at 36.5 and 37 weeks, and I think lots of women have a pattern , although that is anecdotal and not evidence based. But if your first was early, in your shoes I’d be expecting number 2 early as well, as well as faster.
Travelling close to your due date might well be uncomfortable, but this is your DH’s mum, so I can see he will want you there. What’s DHs travel plan and back up plan? How will you all cope if you go into labour en route? If you’re in a car, could be a roadside delivery, if you’re on public transport, what would the plan be then?
If he can’t come up with plans for these eventualities, then he’d be unreasonable to expect you to travel.

I think I would check out local maternity options on the route, take my notes, a hospital bag and of course the newborn car seat. If I felt unwell, odd or like very early labour was starting then I would pull out even if it was the day of planned travel. Last thing I would want would be a roadside precipitate delivery.

Yes check out maternity options along the route and at your destination. Take your notes, hospital bag and newborn car seat. Is there any chance you could leave toddler with someone close to home? My feeling is that your DH needs this day to grieve and pay his respects whatever happens and you should ordinarily do the lions share of looking after toddler. If labour happens, DH will need to help with you and toddler which this one day isn't really fair. Is there a possibility that toddler could stay elsewhere to make it all a little easier?

Do you have to go? Can you remember your mother in law with love and respect without attending her memorial? I would be very anxious in your place.

Unless you went into labour prematurely with your last baby or have risk factors for that happening this time then I would go. Could you leave your toddler with your family and go for 1 night together with your partner? I would go and research where your nearest maternity unit would be and take notes, hospital bag and car seat just in case but at 35 weeks I think there is no reason to miss it.

Or could you let him go and have family on standby near you to help if you went into labour whilst he was away? Having recently lost my own mum I know how it would feel being faced with the prospect of missing the funeral. He needs to be there.