Struggling to feel connected in second pregnancy at 12 weeks

[Pippymcphee]

I'm currently 12.5 weeks pregnant with our second baby. This is a very much wanted, planned for baby and I feel SO fortunate and blessed to be in this position.

However, I just want to be honest with how I'm feeling, with the hopes that others have felt the same way, because I am really struggling.

I have a little girl who is 17 months old, she's the absolute light in my world and I love her so much. During my pregnancy with her, I felt super connected to her from the moment that I saw my positive test, and that continued throughout my entire pregnancy, until she was born, and all those feelings got even better.

This time round, I feel like I'm struggling to connect with this baby.
I know I'm still early on in the whole process, but I spend a lot of time worrying that my toddler will resent the baby when it's here, and my heart breaks for her, that my time and my love will be split between her and a sibling.
I'm so worried that I won't have the same feelings of love for our second baby, and it's worrying me.

In general, I'm finding this pregnancy much harder. I don't find pregnancy very easy anyway. I struggle with bad morning sickness (thankful for xonvea this time round), I have started with bad pgp already, and I'm just generally exhausted. I'm just feeling very low at the moment.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings? Please let me here some positive stories, as I'm hoping most people will tell me that all will be fine once the baby arrives!

I have three children.

I know I’m very lucky to have been pregnant three times, but I really dislike pregnancy and have been very sick throughout each time. I’ve never really felt connected to the baby before they were born, especially in the second and third pregnancies. I also relate to the guilty feeling you describe.

Fortunately, as soon as I’m no longer pregnant, I’ve felt immediately better. I’ve had no issues bonding with each baby. It’s true what they say, in that your heart will expand to love this baby just as much as you love your first - even though that seems impossible to imagine!

Thank you so much for this comment. This is exactly what I need to hear.
Pregnancy is a miserable time for me. I'm struggling with work too, as I have quite a physically demanding job.
I think everything piling up really isn't helping!

Totally normal feelings. I remember feeling a combination of guilt for my first that he wouldn’t have me all to himself anymore, worried I wouldn’t love my second as much as my first, guilt for upheaval of first DC’s life etc. Totally normal

I don’t think that feeling ‘attuned’ during pregnancy makes any difference to your relationship with the baby once it’s born. I spent almost half my pregnancy not sure whether I would be able to continue with it (a condition might have needed treatment incompatible with pregnancy) and didn’t really let myself think about it at all. DS was still the most beloved baby once he’d arrived.

I worried all the way through my second that I’d not be able to love it as much as the first. How could I? How can you possibly split and share that huge love? Turns out you can 😁😁 The instant my second was born those exact same feelings, 100% love to each child just happened. Mother Nature is fantastic.

This ☝️It just happens despite any worries you have about sharing the love. I still feel the same now my three children are adults…love them all so much.🩷

It’s so hard to connect when you feel sick and have another child to look after! Also be prepared for mixed feelings of guilt when the baby comes along and you don’t have as much time for your eldest!

You will connect in hospital when your baby is born and you get a break from looking after your other child!

Parenting is an emotional rollercoaster but it all works out in the end

I felt similar to you with my second, now pregnant with my third and honestly there's so much going on with life and two small kids a lot of days (in the second trimester at least) I forgot I was pregnant at all!!

It's much harder to 'bond' when it's not the only thing to think about, unlike the first when it's pretty all consuming.

Once the baby arrives it will be hard to imagine how life ever was without them ❤️

Thank you all so much 💕.
I think I was having a particularly wobbly day yesterday - I've woken up feeling much more positive today.
Pregnancy is wild eh?!
I'm so excited for this new little one, so I'm sure everyone will be perfect. It's just a different experience the second time I suppose.