First pregnancy and feeling very anxious about childbirth and preparation

[TheWildZebra]

Hi - first pregnancy. I had my 12 week scan early last week and thankfully everything seems normal so far. But the “downside” is that the scan has cemented this as very REAL - there is a baby inside me and now one way or another it needs to come out.

I am terrified of the thought of childbirth. Since as long as I can remember, even as a child, I’ve been filled with horror at the thought of birth. I’ve had nightmares every night since my scan, about how the birth will go. I’m terrified about the lack of control, recent news about terrible maternity services as well as friends and relatives’ birth trauma stories.

I usually reassure myself with lots of information - findings out the facts.

can someone suggest a resource for learning about child birth processes, the pros and cons of everything, and what to ask, of whom and what to expect, and how to prepare mentally over the coming months for when d-day does come?

this feels like something I’m going to have to get my head in the game for but I just feel completely overwhelmed and terrified at the prospect.

thank you x

I don’t have any resources for you, hopefully someone can share those.

I can say that I felt super nervous about the birth too, it had an awful foreboding, like i had no choice! But honestly, hormones are wonderful things and both times near the end I was completely ready and actually switched to the other side of ‘just get this delivery started so I can meet my baby!’ It couldn’t get going fast enough!
Do chat with your midwife (if you haven’t already) I would imagine it’s a really common worry and they can help to reassure you.

Thank you for replying. I actually found a mums net article with different books etc which I’ll try and find at the library.

yes, next MW appt is in 3 weeks, so lll talk through some of this then. Hoping for a big hormone switch too! Crazy what the body (and mind!) is capable of!

I didn’t like the idea of childbirth, and felt I’d been traumatised by other people’s horror stories and watching one born every minute…

I used The Bump to Baby Chapter. I found her on instagram and bought her course to prepare for birth. She is a midwife and so all the information is factual, I felt more prepared about what to expect and she goes through tools to help you relax and feel like you’re in control.

I then had two very positive birth experiences, so definitely recommend checking that out.

also actively search for positive birth stories - everyone is very quick to tell you about the negative things (including in the media) so it’s important to seek out the more positive stories!

I did the positive birth company hypnobirthing pack/online resource. It gave me a real understanding of labour and the different stages of birth, I felt really in control when having my second and third babies as I knew what was happening and understood the ‘transition’, my rights and what I could ask for/what was available for me. There is a real
drive for the mother to be more in control and have more say during childbirth. My first birth was not traumatic but I did no prep and really didn’t know what was happening to my body, I had much more positive experiences in my following births and felt very in control. I also found a local pregnancy yoga course which was all about empowering women in childbirth and gave lots of info about childbirth, pain managements and different positions to try during labour. Sending best wishes! X

Can you ask for a referral to the perinatal psychology service? They often help women with a specific fear of childbirth.

I found hypnobirthing and the Positive Birth company very good too. All the best OP x

Unlike some other posters, I didn't rate the positive birth company. Maybe it was just me, but I felt it left me with unrealistic expectations. I highly recommend Birth Ed by Megan Rossiter as she goes through all different types of births and how to advocate for yourself in difficult situations - obviously we all hope not to need it, but ultimately many women do have curve balls. I did pbc the first time and birth ed the second time and even though my births were similar, my second experience was much more positive because of the additional knowledge and confidence I had gained. It's natural to feel nervous but you can do it! Also staying as active as possible really helped me, bumps and Burpees have a fab pregnancy exercise plan and pregnancy yoga is great too.

I also did the positive birth company's course. It was well worth it, my husband did it too. I felt much more informed about birth, and rather than it being something that was just going to happen to me, that I could have more agency. The best thing was learning about the importance of advocating for yourself and my partner learning to advocate for me too. There were also resources for positive meditations and mantras etc which I did religiously in the lead up.

Forgot to say - while I did like the course, I wouldn't recommend the Facebook group that you have the option to join with people sharing their birth stories. I felt it was a bit unrealistic of people 2 days PP talking about how they had had a 3rd degree tear but saying they still had a grand old time...!

Also please don't engage too much with the media stories about maternity services right now. I feel that we should be as informed as possible, BUT with this, it's out of your control and will serve little purpose other than to worry you. My first baby was born during the Omicron covid outbreak and there were reports of impacts on hospital services, further lockdowns etc. I decided to put myself on a media blackout for the last month of my pregnancy. I watched old episodes of tv programmes and nostalgic films instead. I happily lived in La La Land and I would recommend it!

Read "Ina Mays Guide to childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin. It's a little hippy but really gave me a positive mind frame on birth. Get it out of the library. I did that but ended up buying it, as I thought it was great and I wanted positivity to hand.

Thank you I’ll definitely check it out. It feels like walking in to a minefield but what you mention sounds really positive

I didn’t know that was a service available- thank you for bringing it to my attention!

Thanks all so much for your recommendations. I’m going to take time to look through those resources xx

First off, you can safely ignore a lot of the birth horror stories. No one wants to tell a boring story like “it was fine, then we went home”. You only hear the really dramatic ones.

You get appointments specifically to handle your birth choices, and maternity units do tours so you can make your own choice.

Antenatal classes mainly seem to focus on the actual birth, which helps you calm down too.

I personally found the NCT antenatal classes very helpful, and I think they offer reduced rates for people on benefits.

Best of luck x

It’s funny you say that. I think some of the fear actually comes from when I asked my mum about it when I was younger and she described how she had epidurals for each of us, didn’t feel a thing and was back in the office one week later. Added to that that she couldn’t understand “what the fuss was about”. I think even at a young age I could anticipate that squeezing a baby out was no small feat but the minimising of something so huge by someone I was meant to trust really put a sour taste in my mouth.

anyway, sorry to offload to you like a family therapist!