Pregnancy and worried about judgement

[Geelaurax]

I’ve been with my partner for 9 months, and we have recently found out we’re pregnant (unplanned). We do not live together, he is the most caring man and I love him dearly. However, I have been through a lot the past 2 years regarding DV. I have been out of that awful situation for 6months before we together, and now live with my parents and my two children 5&7. I am over the moon about the pregnancy, the happiest I’ve felt in a long time, although I am aware that this isn’t the best situation to be in I can’t help but feel like people will judge. We want to make things as perfect as they can be despite the small amount of time we’ve been together. Family and friends will definitely think i am being hasty and I’m worried about people views. Parents would be very worried I’m moving too fast. Any advice welcome x

How well can you know him after 9 months? Very recently you have been in an awful domestically violent relationship and have been living with your parents since then. That alone is a huge upheaval for your 2 children.
Are you planning to move in together with him or will you stay living with your parents? I can quite understand why they would not be happy.
However it ultimately is your choice and your decision.

You have posted previously about the police being called because of 'domestics' between you and a partner (not your violent ex partner). Is this a different partner?

I'm more concerned for your existing children, after all they've been through to now have a sibling coming along with your partner they must barely know.. Have you had serious conversations about living situation, finances, share of household tasks, share of childcare, your respective working hours etc. Honestly if I was your parents I would be very worried about this especially given you are living with them. That doesn't mean judgement, just concern about how fast this is and what if things go wrong.

Are you moving out? You can’t expect your parents to put up with a new baby too?

What does your boyfriend propose you do?

If he’s looking at ways of housing you both, your two children, and the new baby then it might be workable. Assuming you work currently, can you afford to sustain yourself and your two children while in maternity leave with the baby.

If his view is that you’ll stay with your parents and they’ll now be housing four of you then yes, that’s cause for concern and will bring judgement.

Honestly, I wouldn't even consider bringing a child into this situation. Your two existing DC and establishing stability for them should be your priority, not some new man they don't know, no home of their own and a baby.

You just have to take their comments on the chin, it’s clearly a poor situation to bring a child into and it doesn’t come close to putting your existing children first. It’s your body and your choice but others aren’t wrong to voice their concerns about it.

Other people's thoughts don't matter, except your parents, as they're housing you.
Have your kids had trauma therapy? An unrelated male is a risk to children, statistically, so best to not introduce the new boyfriend to them or put them through the upheaval of moving in with him.
It doesn't sound like a great situation for you or your kids, but if you can afford and raise three kids, two with trauma, good for you. You can reassure anyone with concerns.

I think you need to move out if that’s the case, it’s not fair on your parents or your exisiting children going through DV and 9 months later having a new sibling! You need to put them first it’s not fair not once in that post have you considered their feelings…

Those posts were just over a year ago. It could possibly be a new partner as she says this one has only been 9 months but it does seem to be a pattern of picking men that aren’t great. The violent ex and then police being called over arguments with the next one.

So op jumped into a new relationship within 3 months? Yeah no wonder people are going to judge. Those poor kids.

2 kids already you know how babies are made …. Presumably your last partner was also caring and loving when you first got together? I do think people will judge but judging is often really just concern but if you are on the receiving end you don’t tend to see or take it that way.

I would judge you if you were my daughter. Bringing a baby into this situation is a massive impact for your poor kids who have no home of their own and have to live with grandparents. Are you expecting to live with your parents or are you moving your kids into a new home with some bloke you have only known 9 months?

I think your parents main concern is going to be do you know this man well enough to know if he’s safe to bring around your kids, and do you have any plans move out and support yourself or are they going to have to look after a newborn too. Have your parents met him and do they like him?

You do seem to be going from one load of chaos to another one. Maybe you should give yourself and definitely your children a time out to take stock and stabilise your lives.
Bringing another child into this chaos, new relationship, living with your parents was never going to help your situation.
To be honest you've been totally irresponsible getting pregnant at this stage but it sounds as if you're perfectly happy about it all..