im at a loss with nowhere else to turn for advice.
i have one child (11) and had a still birth at 36 weeks (7 years ago) from a placental abruption. Since the loss of our second baby I have never wanted to try again due to the trauma of what happened. After the stillbirth we had a meeting with a consultant to discuss what happened/why/and a plan for if I was to get pregnant again.
Due to this discussion being weeks after the stillbirth I was not mentally in the frame of mind to discuss further pregnancies, I basically shut the conversation down and left (silly off me, but I was grieving and couldn’t bare the thought of replacing the child I lost).
After 7 years, we have healed enough to mentally prepare ourselves to try again. I have been to the gp as I want to understand if there will be a plan in place if I got pregnant again, what monitoring will there be and what are my chances of this happening again before we start trying to conceive.
basically, this isn’t possible. My consultant is no longer at the trust to revisit our last discussion and there is no clinic available to discuss this until I’m actually pregnant.
the problem is I do not want to dive in head first, get pregnant and break our hearts again including my son if this was to happen all over again.
do I accept that I simply cannot speak to a professional about this and take a risk or do I accept that i may have to never try again to save breaking everyone’s heart if I was to lose another baby.
i know this is a call only I and my partner can make. But my mind has been going crazy for months now and I just need to hear perceptives or if anyone does know of a service / help I could get that i don’t know about.