Unplanned 3rd pregnancy

Geraldthejumpingspider · 2026-06-29T14:39:31+00:00

As the title says really..... Been engaged since 2024, we have a 2 year old and a 4 month old baby. Both pregnancies have been hard on us, but I love my partner and we've been working on our relationship. This is a complete surprise as I've been on the pill. Quite honestly i'd like to keep the baby, but my partner has said he categorically does not want another and is pushing for me to have an abortion. I feel like this is a lose lose situation. I dont want to force him into having another child he doesn't want. However, I know that terminating the pregnancy would leave me heartbroken and I would resent him. This has come at a really bad time, just found out a family member has cancer and another has died. Please be gentle with me !

Hotdoughnut · 29/06/2026 16:13

I'm sorry that you're in this impossible situation. Your partner is not handling this well, it takes 2. Sounds like your relationship won't survive in either scenario sadly, so I would advise to do what YOU want to do (assuming you can afford it etc).

Larrythecatforpm · 29/06/2026 16:29

You need to be realistic. Do you have time, space and money for a third? Your youngest is 4 months old. Your relationship doesn’t sound like it’s going to last so do a list of pros & cons here, it’s a big decision that will change your lifes forever and not something you can let your heart decide.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 29/06/2026 16:40

I agree with PP. If you will resent him if you terminate, and he will resent you if you do, then you should do what YOU want to do. The relationship will probably fail either way. Will you cope OK if this happens and you have three?

Is it worth really going through it all and properly listening to each other? What exactly is he worried about?

Ipsevenenabibas · 29/06/2026 16:45

You shouldn't terminate the baby. In time your partner could come round to it. It takes a while to accept a surprise pregnancy sometimes (I know as it's happened twice to me!). You would never get over terminating your baby because your partner wanted you to. You wouldn't forgive yourself or him. There is a very good chance he will come around to the idea in time. Best wishes to you.

Andshesoffatatrot · 29/06/2026 16:47

Don’t do it. It was an accident, deal with the accident. I’m sorry you find yourself in this situation, but honestly, this is why we have choice.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 29/06/2026 16:51

Ooof it really is lose lose....

You poor thing...

How pregnant are you 3weeks or 8 weeks?

I would look at getting some "emergency" couples counselling to talk through this

Its all good and well saying "do what you want" but if he swans off you are left with 3 children, 2 of whom are babies with very different needs...and possibly no income or ability to work because... 3 young children

LoveYouHoneybear · 29/06/2026 17:25

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with a 3rd a few years ago. My children were only 3 and 1 and my husband and I decided it was not the right time for us. I had a termination and it was hard, but I felt it was the best thing for our family at the time.

Late last year my husband and I decided we were in a much better place to add a third and now I am 34 weeks pregnant. The age gap will be much more manageable for us and our whole family is excited.

All this to say, now may not be the right time… But who knows what the future holds. Sending hugs for whatever you decide.

inkgirl · 29/06/2026 17:31

When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd told the dad had 2 kids with him already and he was like I know he you feel about abortions so we'll keep it. He ended up cheating on me told me it was just rumours and then cheated again just before baby turned 1 which ended our marriage. My views on abortion has changed since. You need to do what your heart desires. You'll either upset him or fall into a guilty sprial. He might come round to the idea. My youngest shares his birthday with his dad at first he was disappointed but now he loves it.

Original poster

Geraldthejumpingspider · 30/06/2026 15:03

Thank you so much for all of your replies!

I can't afford to take care of them on my own unfortunately 😬

I think my partners main concern is that I had a 2L Postpartum haemorrhage with DD1 and antepartum haemorrhage at 30w with DD2 and spent a month in hospital, she had to be delivered by ELCS at 37 weeks. His concerns are completely valid! I know the logical and sensible thing to do would be having a termination, im just finding it very difficult to come to terms with that. Especially given my other family circumstances at the moment

OP posts:

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 30/06/2026 19:25

Geraldthejumpingspider · 30/06/2026 15:03

Thank you so much for all of your replies!

I can't afford to take care of them on my own unfortunately 😬

I think my partners main concern is that I had a 2L Postpartum haemorrhage with DD1 and antepartum haemorrhage at 30w with DD2 and spent a month in hospital, she had to be delivered by ELCS at 37 weeks. His concerns are completely valid! I know the logical and sensible thing to do would be having a termination, im just finding it very difficult to come to terms with that. Especially given my other family circumstances at the moment

Edited

Theres a lot of going on here op

I really think you should see a counsellor together and talk this through in fulll

Supernoodlez · 30/06/2026 19:28

LoveYouHoneybear · 29/06/2026 17:25

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with a 3rd a few years ago. My children were only 3 and 1 and my husband and I decided it was not the right time for us. I had a termination and it was hard, but I felt it was the best thing for our family at the time.

Late last year my husband and I decided we were in a much better place to add a third and now I am 34 weeks pregnant. The age gap will be much more manageable for us and our whole family is excited.

All this to say, now may not be the right time… But who knows what the future holds. Sending hugs for whatever you decide.

Very similar situation here to the above. It will be hard but you will be ok whatever you decide. You are so freshly postpartum still - hormones everywhere, body still recovering. Take everything into account, talk it out with your DH lots and a trusted friend or counsellor with bpas. What a difficult situation. Look after yourself op x

Larrythecatforpm · 30/06/2026 19:30

Geraldthejumpingspider · 30/06/2026 15:03

Thank you so much for all of your replies!

I can't afford to take care of them on my own unfortunately 😬

I think my partners main concern is that I had a 2L Postpartum haemorrhage with DD1 and antepartum haemorrhage at 30w with DD2 and spent a month in hospital, she had to be delivered by ELCS at 37 weeks. His concerns are completely valid! I know the logical and sensible thing to do would be having a termination, im just finding it very difficult to come to terms with that. Especially given my other family circumstances at the moment

Edited

Well that changes things dramatically. You need to think can your children cope with you being in hospital for weeks/months on end as wellZ

Original poster

Geraldthejumpingspider · 01/07/2026 07:57

Thank you, I do think we'll speak to BPAS.

Just to make things even more stomach churning, the family member that has cancer has been told that its genetic. Therefore I need to have genetic testing so see if I have the gene. I will most likely be having a preventative double mastectomy 😬

So I feel like if I want a third, now is the time or I won't be able to feed the baby. I could potentially need an oopherectomy as well as my risk of ovarian cancer is also elevated now. As you can tell, its complicated and my head is all over the place. Im very grateful for all of your kind words x

OP posts: