Pregnancy in your late 30s

[inkgirl]

Me and the boyfriend have had the talk. I have 3 boys from a previous relationship all same dad. We are thinking about adding another to the family. What risks do I need to be aware of? We're not trying yet. We are going wait a few more months first make sure its something we both really want.

@inkgirl How long have you been together?
I have three children - 2 from my first marriage (18 and 16) and one from my current marriage (she's 6). First I had at 26, last at 39 (incredible home birth!)
My eldest two have been shared care 50/50 since they were young so this has of course been different to the "normal" family dynamic.
Another big question I would consider is can you afford it? How many bedrooms do you have?
Would this be your partner's first child?

@Cheeseandolivesplease I have 3 bedrooms, my eldest dosent like sleeping on his own so sleeps in the same room as his brothers. Financially we can make it work. He works 2 jobs and is currently looking at getting more hours and I work as well. We've been together a little over a year

@inkgirl So all three of your boys are in one room. How old are they?
Is it your own home? I've nothing against renters btw - we privately rent and also both work. We just can't afford to buy so you must have better paid jobs than us - fair play!
Will this be partner's first child? Our daughter is my husband's first (and definitely last) so it was a huge learning curve for him.
Perhaps get married first to give yourselves a bit more security?

@Cheeseandolivespleasethey do, I've tried getting one of them in their own room for years but they won't do it. I rent yea. It will be his first yea, he adores my kids. This would be the last if we were to go for it. Marriage is something he wants as well

Tbh you’ve barely been together long, you’re not married and you already have 3 kids so those should all be huge considerations for whether this is a good move. I personally would wait to get married in that situation for a bit more security, or at the very least until you’ve dated a few more years. Kids are a huge pressure on relationships, as you know, which would be hard on a new relationship. I’m sure that’s not what you’re asking about but do think about it.

@raisinglittlepeople12its definitely worth considering. We're not going start trying yet ive told him I want to wait about a year then discuss the topic again marriage is something he wants. So eventually that will happen

@inkgirl Why not get married before considering a baby? Any man can say he wants marriage, but not all actually do.

How long have you lived together? Did he move in with you or you with him? Does he pull his weight financially and with chores and life admin? What's he like with your existing kids?

Dating a year and living together for even less time than that, I still feel like you're getting to know each other. I would definitely wait another few years.

Your kids have had a lot of changes in a short space of time. What's their relationship like with their dad? How do they feel about sharing you with your new partner/ how will they feel when a baby comes along? If they're all sharing a room now do you have enough rooms for a baby, especially if it's a girl and needs her own space? Your eldest might want a room to himself as well in the next few years as he gets older

@AltitudeCheck we don't live together yet, having a baby wouldn't be now its something down the line. I have thought about my eldest wanting his own room, ive spoken to him about wanting his own room at some point he's determined he doesn't want it. My partner is amazing with my kids. He helps when I need it as well

@inkgirl He doesn't want it now, but he will in the future. How old is he at the moment?
Also, you can never really know what someone is like before you live with them.
I think to contemplate having a baby with a boyfriend who you've never even lived with is a huge risk.

Why not live together and marry first?