Have another baby at 38! The good bad and ugly please.

[Kmc2303]

For months, I've been on the fence. I feel my family isn't complete. I have three amazing boys: 21, 12, and 11. But I just feel I have one more baby in me. I'm putting it out here as my friends think I'm mad. I've got my life back; I work full-time, and we enjoy holidays abroad. My husband is the most amazing man in the world; he's 100% happy with the idea, but are we crazy? I imagine a broken, middle-aged woman rocking this newborn, going crazy! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 some days I feel 30 other days I feel 50! Personal stories please 🥰🥰😍

I had a baby when DD was 11 and I was 38. Newborn was lovely and I dealt with that really well but I've found it really hard going back to the older baby stage. Baby DD started throwing tantrums at around 9 months, she is a clever happy girl but my god can she scream. She started off being a good sleeper but between 4 months and 13 months (now 14 months) she's had a tough time with illnesses, it's been freezing cold, boiling hot, teething like a crazy person etc etc. I feel like I haven't slept in a lifetime and she's not really that bad as a baby, certainly not as intense as my eldest was.

I can't enrol her in nursery as since the 9 month hours have kicked in everywhere is full for at least a year, people are enrolling when they are 4 months pregnant to ensure they get a spot.. I didn't so now I'm on a list and she can go when she turns 2. This has obviously affected work and money.

I'm over stimulated, frazzled, exhausted and stressed out for the most part but I feel fulfilled in a way that I just didn't before. I'm complete now. I never think about having another baby, I know I don't want any more, it was always on my mind before.

As hard as it is I wouldn't be without her. She's crazy, funny, clever and so damn cute. And having the 11 year old I'm more than aware that it isn't long before she'll be starting secondary school so I try to enjoy all of it warts and all.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

He was very much planned . It took a while to get pregnant, but no regrets .

I love this! Absolutely what I needed to read. Whilst I know the gaps are tough, I've been there before. I just keep thinking about having another, like I'm not finished. 🥴 I dont look at a newborn and wanna hand them back, . But this may just be something I have to live with. Thank you for sharing. Sounds pretty perfect to me. 🥰😍

Love this, so I'm not a crazy lady for wanting to plan a baby at 38! 🤣🤣🤣 Love you've no regrets 🥰🥰😍 sounds like you did exactly what u wanted. X

38 is a perfectly normal age to have a baby, but I probably wouldn't with those age gaps, just because you'd be starting again. I'm pregnant having just turned 40, it wasn't planned but our DC are 7 and 3, so we're not really starting again (although I had given away alllll the baby things so it feels like we are in some ways)! I think I'd enjoy the stage you're in, rather than starting again.

I’m not sure about childhood disability as a whole, but being under 20 isn’t a higher risk factor for chromosomal abnormalities than being 35+. I agree that the risk needs to be put into perspective because most people will go on to have healthy babies over 35, but I don’t agree with your wording on this because it’s misleading. Non-chromosomal abnormalities are higher in under 20s, but I don’t really see how this is relevant to op since they are also 31% higher in people over 35 and rising to 44% by age 40 (compared with the lowest risk age range of 23 - 32).

Had my second at 38 after an 8 year gap and 2 MCs.

I love her to pieces but god knows what I was thinking.
my pregnancy was terrible, I felt crap all the time, definitely felt 50 and still do (she’s 3 now). And I resent the fact that I ‘had to start all over again’

i know it’ll get easier as she gets older but my god it’s definitely harder the second time around

would I do it again? Yes, but much earlier!!

38 is a completely normal and sensible age to hve a baby. But you’d be mad to put yourself through another 18 years of dependent children when you’ve already been doing it for 21 years. I had my last at 36. Didn’t occur to me that was anything other than a completely normal age

I had my baby at 39. I felt great and still do, loads of energy and we have tons of fun. But I would not start again with 3 older kids.

I didn't mention under 20 as a category when I was talking about genetic abnormality, sorry if that was unclear. I thought I had separated the two statements. The risk of genetic abnormality does rise with age as we all know but I grabbed the figure for 38 because that's the age OP mentioned and the stats I looked at started at 20 so that's why I compared it to 20.

My only input about having a baby at that age is, it’s absolutely shot my body to bits. I got huge varicose veins down one leg in the pregnancy. Post birth my pelvic floor is destroyed and I have a prolapse I’m having to deal with. I had my others at age 28 and 30 and my body dealt with it so much better. So I would say, wear compression socks (but never in bed), raise your legs where possible, and do your pelvic floor exercises.

Your age is fine, but I'd argue your age gaps are not fine.

The only family I know with boys aged 15,14, 12 when another boy arrived have grown up to be a three man team and, now that the parents have both died, have little to no relationship with the youngest. And youngest lives 50 metres from one of the three. Youngest is now just ignored. The three oldest are in their fifties now. Youngest was about 12 when his father dies so missed a lot there, too.

However, a woman of my acquaintance had two much older sisters who did a lot of her bringing up. She was devoted to them and travelled Australia to UK every year to see them.

I worked with someone with this sort of gap but theirs was a surprise. The guy had three sons in early 20s and a 4 year old daughter. He seemed delighted with it to be honest but I never met with wife maybe she would have a different view!

He did say everyone assumed the youngest was from a second marriage.

I jump on all these threads to say exactly this. Had DS1 at 36. Thought it would be nice to give him a sibling. Had boy-boy twins at 39.
Cannot put into words the exhaustion, that continues 10 years later.
OP - chances are you will start experiencing perimenopause symptoms from about age 44. Please, please factor this in.

I had my second at 38 and my first at 35. It was fine.

However, my mother had her last at 38, when her oldest were in their teens (including me). It didn't work out well. The teens felt abandoned, the younger felt excluded whenever something was done with the teens. As adults, all feel failed by her (although we have all reacted in different ways to it).

So the age is fine, the age gap not so much.

With an 11 and 12 year old:
4 years’ time GCSEs ( you 42)
5 years’ time GCSEs. (43)
6 years’ time A levels (44)
7 years’ time A levels (45)
Then about
17 years’ time GCSEs (55)
19 years’ time A levels (57)

i think that’s probably ok. Provided you are fit you will still be ok in your late 50s.
I had my youngest when I was 42. She is now 18 and doing A levels and I’m just 61.

It’s tiring…the main examples are to do with disrupting my sleep (!) . We live rurally, and there’s no public transport so when she has had many early morning school or sport commitments, or needs picking up from late night social arrangements I am needed to drive in the dark winter mornings or evenings and nighttime driving isn’t my favourite.

TBH Some mornings I am just slow and stiff and it takes me a while to get going!! Also on holidays etc she gets annoyed with me if she is feeling energetic wanting to be really active, swimming, surfing etc, bounding up hills, or whatever and I am lagging behind although I try to invite her friends so she has entertainment..
She’s probably going to uni about 5 1/2 hours away so aged 61- 64 I’m going to be driving the length of the country but am I glad I had her…. Yes absolutely!

Overall it’s doable, but if you do have another baby in his/ her teenage years you’ll need to be proactive with their friendships as there’ll be no siblings at home.

Don't do it. You are so fortunate with your existing family.

No, your oldest is old enough to have children of his own. I wouldn’t do it op.

I’ve got a nine month old daughter that I had at 39. We already had three boys age 16, 12 & 11.
I just knew I wasn’t finished and I don’t regret it in the slightest. The boys adore her, and because they’re older, I’m able to give her as much attention as I have my first baby.
Physically I’ve been fine too! Good luck with whatever you decide!

Hi, I have a 17, 15 and 13 year old ans we are tying now im 39!! We had the boys when we were young and we feel 4 would complete us, lots of our friends have little ones and our friends are looking to have one more too. I think its a very personal decision and you have to make it for yourselves! People might think we are mad but we are doing what we want for once everybody had opinions when we had our eldest and now people will have opinions on the opposite!

I am 38 and we are starting to try for a third child (DH is 43)
I don’t really think age is a problem: it is very common now to have a first baby even just before or at 40.

Everyone keeps saying we will have less money. And? There is nothing in the world I would rather buy than have another little one in our family. Plus, they will more likely entertain each other, so fewer activities and holidays will be needed.

I know if we don't go for it, I will regret it. But I know myself well enough to know I would never regret having an other baby.

I agree. A newborn is sweet, but the thought of another18+ years of parenting when you have a big age gap…

I have a 13 year age gap between my 2. Ideally, I'd have liked to have had them closer but life circumstances don't always go the way you want do they. I was almost 39 when I had my 2nd and honestly, felt no different physically or in terms of tiredness etc from the 1st.

My 2 have always had a great relationship - and I'm sure this is due to the large gap as there was no competition for my attention, for sharing toys and so on. I can't really recall any bickering at all, the only occasion my youngest still remembers is when the eldest sat on her because she wouldn't relinquish the TV remote. That's it. My oldest was in fact very protective of his younger sister, and still is, although they're both now adults and only the youngest is still at home.

I do sometimes feel a bit odd about the fact I've spent 36 years with at least one child in my house, and counting, but looking after them hasn't had a negative effect on my health or energy. I guess my main regret if you can call it that is the impact upon my so-called career given childcare responsibilities over such a long period meaning potential opportunities were often curtailed or simply impossible by the availability and limitations of affordable care. Obviously that applies to many parents but with smaller gaps you can get back into the swing of things sooner.

Had a wobble at 40 and tried for another, DD then was 6, 7 when her sister was born, 45 soon and DD2 is coming up to 4, sometimes i feel my age and then some, other times i feel like she is keeping me young, wouldn't change it for the world. Pregnancy wise i had way more energy than with my first.