30 wks with 3rd and a bit tearful ! are doubts normal ???

[Leenie]

I know its normal to feel a bit down, tiredness uncomfortable etc.. but i'm worried its more than that , i feel down,lately i sit on the train some mornings on the way to work and i just cry, i worry that i have made a massive mistake ( i know that sounds so awful, but i really cant help how i am feeling and not saying it out loud isnt making it alright), i am 36 and my other 2 dd's are 17 and 15, i was a single mum till i met my DH 6 yrs ago, we often spoke about how lovely it would be to have a baby together, but never thought it would actually become a reality, to be honest i diddnt think i could get pregnant after yrs of trying unsuccessfully.. My DH is so excited, i do have times when i feel excited, and i know i have bonded with my bump, but then its like reality kicks in and my head starts telling me, what have you done, i feel like i have just blown a hole in my whole life now, like i have just slipped down the biggest snake on the snakes and ladders board. my first two pregnancies were not nice memories, i was young and in a violent relationship, so felt very alone in my pregnancies, this pregnancy has been a nice experience as DH is so loving and caring about me and bump that makes me feel good about the whole thing, but its getting closer and closer and i feel lke reality is kicking in soon its going to be a baby. i know i'm going on and on and i hope i don't sound like a silly moaning cow, but i just needed to ask some advice , please..

You are knackered and bound to feel a bit fed up. You've clearly been through a hell of a lot in a very short life. I do still sometimes feel apathy and indeed antipathy towards my unborn son. The problem is you know how much hard work it is to have a baby and raise it and so you are reticent because you know you are about to do it again. You'd be crazy to blank everything out and just say 'oh yes, it'll be glorious'. Worst still you're much older now (I certainly feel much older than when I had DD and that was just two years ago) so you are doubly knackered.

Try not to worry, things have a way of working themselves out.

Totally agree with whomovedmychocolate...I am 28 weeks pregnant with my second child and the memories of my 5 year olds birth and early months are not pleasant to dwell on (he was very poorly and the first six months were hell)

I sometimes have times when I think "What have you done?????" but I think its completely normal - especially if you have done it all before! With first timers there is a definate "ignorance is bliss" scenario!!!

Have you also considered that, bearing in mind your troubled past, you may be suffering from ante-natal depression?? Its very commmon. Perhaps a trip to your GP to talk it over might help?

Good luck x

You have the two advantages that you are older and wiser now, and that it sounds like you are with a great bloke now who will be really supportive and involved, so the experience is going to be massively different - and better. Hopefully you will be getting help from your DDs as well, so you will be getting an awful lot more care and help this time round.

Having said all that, I can totally understand that old memories are going to be coming back and making you feel unsure and scared - you wouldn't be normal if they didn't. Would be a really good idea to talk honestly and openly about this rather than hiding it - do you like your midwife enough to do this? And have you mentioned this to your partner?

hi. You don't sound like a moaning cow at all. There's a lot of talk nowadays about ante-natal depression - maybe you have a touch of that or maybe you are just frightened?

I am not sure whether I can offer much advice but I will say that the way you feel is totally understandable. I am in a similar situation in that I had a child years ago in a very bad relationship and continued to have bad relationships after that one ended. It took me until I was in my late thirties before I met a bloke decent enough to allow myself to risk getting pregnant again. I don't feel as bad as you do but I do understand that being pregnant is taking you back mentally to a time when maybe you were unhappy frightened and had no control. You are also taking a risk in sacrificing the independence that you had almost attained with your children almost grown - that is a scary prospect for any woman - let alone one with bad memories of the last time around. I do feel like you -sometimes - what the hell am I doing -although at this point all I can do is put that out of my mind since there's no going back. I would probably feel as you do except I am older and have been so scared by the horror stories about older pregnancy that I have room to worry about anything else

Maybe you should mention how you feel to your GP or midwife? Have you discussed with your OH how you feel? Whatever you do try to replace the negative feelings with positive ones when they come into your head and don't be hard on yourself. What you are going through is normal.

Thanx, i do like my MW, she's just like my mum, she even comes from the same little town in ireland that my mum does so i feel so at home with her, am due to see her in a couple of wks, my DD's have been sporadic in thir help, my eldest has been somewhat sometimish and not shown much interest, i think it was a bit shocking to her,at 17 girls dont like to think of their parents having sex ( so she says) although she has thown a few tantrums she has tuned in on my emotions of recent and has been attentive and more caring, my younger one has always been excited and talks to my belly, feels the movements and wants to be at the birth, although, she has also played me up a bit more, i think they also are a bit shocked that after all these yrs its not going to be "we three" anymore. i genuinely ont think i could speak to DH about this, incase i jinx things or make things worse,

well, you wouldn't be jinxing things if you just said to him that being pregnant is raising some difficult emotions - he may be picking up on things anyway. You have taken a leap of faith in getting pregnant again and you should tell him if you need a little bit of extra emotional support from him. You waited a long time to have this baby - now you all deserve to be happy.

If not you sound like you have struck lucky with the mw - I'm sure she will have seen it all before and may have some wordsof wisdom for you. Also you don't have to wait until your next appointment - maybe she could see you sooner if you are feeling down?

ps don't expect too much from your kids - my mum got pregnant when I Was 17 and not only did I not notice she was pregnant - I never lifted a finger to help. Not saying your dds are a selfish as I was but it just may not occur to them that you need help!