Pregnant but unsure what to do

[Ladylime21]

I have just found out that i am pregnant, four positive test strips and freaking out. I am unsure how far along as the start of my last period was the 16th of April but feel like I may have ovulated late. I have a 15 month old and two older children 12 and 16. I am very confused how I am in this situation as I thought we were being careful using condoms each time, but thinking back I do remember one time where we started without getting carried away in the moment. The husband's previous view was that he would love to have another baby and it wouldn't be the end of the world but now his freaking out and ideally wants me to have an abortion but says he will respect my decision. I am so confused with what to do, I have had a previous miscarriage before having my 15 month old and am worried about going back to that place by having an abortion and a part of me wants this baby but the other part does agree with the husband and the effect it will have on the older children and living in a three bedroom house with a mortgage would leave us overcrowded without the ability to afford to move.

It’s all very well, your DH saying it’s your decision, but you both need to decide together. Can you see yourself having an abortion and living with the decision, having had one myself in my younger days, it is a hard decision that you have to live with. At the end of the day, finances and older DC aside, do you want another child.

I feel selfish even thinking about having an abortion as I know how lucky I am to be in this position with so many people struggling to conceive. I also think a part of me would love my little boy to have a sibling close to his age and can see myself struggling to accept an abortion. I haven't gotten rid of any of his baby stuff and I think that is me struggling to let go of the idea that I am done. I just feel like the bad guy in this situation even though it wasn't planned and I did try the pill but it made me really poorly with constant bleeding, I did speak to the husband about the snip but he wasn't ready for that yet although I have said that maybe we need to look at that moving forward.

Don't feel selfish - this pregnancy is nothing to do with anyone else. Babies are lovely, hormones are a massive influence but do you actually want to raise a 4th human and can you afford it? Long term, not just for the next few years?

My hormones are affecting my ability to think straight. When it comes to finances we wouldn't be able to afford to move house as this would increase our mortgage too much but we are in a position that we own a good amount of equity in our home. I know that finances will be hard working full time, I am the main earner and do get a good maternity pay package but the husband would have to step up to make it affordable over the long run as he reduced his hours to part time after having our youngest with his reasoning being that he wants to be around more for the youngest but ultimately he doesn't utilise that time and it's still on me to do everything. I think that is what's making it hard because it feels like he isn't wanting this as he doesn't want to step up and go full time, so I know the strain that this will have on our marriage as it's already present.