Considering a third… is it a good idea?

[Ponderingpandas]

I have 2 DCs already aged 4 and 2, I’m 36. The birth of DC2 was not great, it was my second cesarean and I ended up with quite severe bladder damage. I was in and out of hospital for the first year of their life and I had to have another surgery when they were 6 months old. I do feel completely robbed of their first year as I spent a lot of it with stress, worry and depression about what had happened, not to mentioned not being physically present a lot of the time.

Im thinking about a third baby but I’m all too aware of the risks that it brings. I would need a third caesarean at 38 weeks so that I don’t go into labour. The damage was caused by a uterine tear which puts me at slightly higher risk of complications.

I do think because of what happened with DC2 I don’t feel ‘done’. Financially we could afford another DC, our house is big enough etc. DH is quite on the fence about it. We both work full time and we have decent savings. I also am in line for quite a hefty compensation payout which makes it more financially viable.

What do you think? Would you take the risk or just try to come to terms with what had happened already?

I think I'd stop at 2 if I were you. I wouldn't want to risk more damage after the issues you had last time. I don't like to push my luck so I don't understand women having 5+ kids as surely the more kids you have the more risk of something going wrong with either the mother or baby.

Having said that though I'd consider a third if I didn't have a boy and girl by the time I'd had 2 kids.

Is therapy another option to move past what happened rather than another baby? If there's problems again it wont heal anything mentally.

I actually have two boys but deliberately didn’t mention this at first as I wouldn’t be bothered if I had a third boy! It’s not about that at all for me. I am having a lot of therapy but as much as we can chat about what happened, it hasn’t been able to bring back the baby experience that I feel I’ve lost.

No chance. Why risk damaging your body further? Haven’t you had enough pain and medical intervention.
And how do you plan to recover from more surgery with two young children climbing on you, wanting to be picked up, scrabbling on the floor playing with them etc.

In the nicest way do you think that have having a a better baby experience with another would help? Wouldn't you just then have 2 good baby experiences and one bad one where you feel you missed out?

Also, it doesn't really sound like you actually want another baby. You've mentioned the practicalities and that it would help with what happened but haven't actually said you really want another baby. Does it feel like your family is incomplete as it is? Are you absolutely longing for another baby?

I've had 2 C sections, one emergency and the second one elective. What they didn't realise at the time was how much surgical adhesions/scar tissue I had from the first time and the second section took nearly 2 hours. The surgeon came to see me the next day after I'd come round properly and advised both of us that a further pregnancy may be life threatening.

I didn't need telling twice, DH went off to the GP that week and booked a vasectomy. There was no way I'd risk leaving my 3 without a Mum.

I would be thinking about why you want to try and compensate for not having had the mat leave you dreamt of by having another one, which will give you even less time with baby 2

i would be trying to compensate for it by giving number 2 more time, not trying to have number 3

You’d be silly to risk damaging your body further and causing yourself to become disabled. Enjoy the two you have. You’ll find if you have complications from a third pregnancy people will have little sympathy.

My nanna always used to say never have more kids than you have hands.

In all seriousness, with the complications you had, i would not be having another one and I say that as a mum who had serious life threatening complications with my second. The consultant even said to me "you are done having children, the next one will kill you". Enjoy the choldren you have, you may end up in a very serious condition and not be around for the 2 you do have.

I wouldn't in that situation purely for the health implications for you and your family.

Incredibly reckless to be considering it with your health problems. You have two young kids, why would you risk your health long term?

I also had two children by emergency c section. I had a lot of adhesions present when they opened me up for the second section. I also had a uterine rupture in my second. They said that they had managed to keep my bladder intact, which i was very lucky for as it had adhered to my uterus. I really wanted a third, had planned to the month when we would try again. Over the first year of my second babies life, I read as much as I can about the risks of a third section with a previous uterine rupture and adhesions. As I was still deciding, a friend died in completely unrelated circumstances, leaving behind a small family. This shocked me so much I felt that I couldn’t subject myself to the risks of birth again and risk leaving my children. We decided to stay at two. My children are now early teens and while for the first few years I was sad about my choice, I am completely at peace with it now and know it was the right choice for the two children I have, and also for my own health and life x