Experience in telling people early

[DramaHedgehog]

Whats your experience with telling people about your pregnancy early we are 10 weeks and have had an early scan and we're so excited but wanted some real life stories first!

I think the main reason for not telling people early is that you are more likely to have a miscarriage and some people don’t want to have to go round updating all the people they’ve already told if they unfortunately have one. So I only told people I would be happy to tell if I had a miscarriage which was any close friend or family member.

I actually think people being more open about miscarriages (I’ve had 2) is a good thing for women, but I appreciate it’s hard for some women.

I have had losses so I do understand what it’s like.

However, I’d rather have had the joy of sharing our happiness and receive support from family and friends when we had a loss.

I’d rather that than go through it totally by ourselves. At least we got to spread some love.
I can’t imagine not telling my mum and dad, close friends etc.

I think there’s nothing more painful than having to deal with it yourself and then have people wonder why you’re breaking down at the sight of a new baby or Mother’s Day card etc.

And also, I found it helpful in that I found it had happened to many other women which helped me to stop blaming myself when my heart was breaking.

I think the point I’m trying to make is that the 12 week mark really doesn’t mean anything.
I was in enough support groups to know this 😔 and I knew it myself.

Im sorry for your losses. It never goes away, really.

I wonder whether the existence of social media is what encourages some women to announce as soon as possible.

I told plenty of people whenever I wanted to whenever it came up. Some people at 6 weeks, some at 25. Never announced it anywhere, not on social media or in person.

I think more women talking about it earlier is just increased comfort with talking about both good and bad news. Nothing to do with social media.

I told the people I would tell if I had a miscarriage anyway.

With my first, we told close family in the first few weeks and then wider family and friends after the 12 week scan. With my subsequent children, we didn’t tell anyone until after 20 weeks and then it was more a trickle of information rather than a big announcement. Everyone just thought I’d put on a bit of weight.

I’ve always told early.
i believe every pregnancy should be celebrated.
and when we lost we had the support around us rather than everyone wondering why were so upset they knew why.

We told anyone that we would also tell if I had a loss - so parents, siblings, best friend and my manager (who I have a great relationship with). Everyone else, we told when I was showing.

we told some family and friends at about 7/8 weeks and then had a miscarriage at 11 weeks - no regrets about sharing as I would have wanted to tell them. It actually made it easier to share about the miscarriage as they knew I’d been pregnant. Told at about the same time with 2nd pregnancy which luckily went fine. Obviously personal choice when you share but I do wish it was normalised to share pre 12 weeks, it stigmatises miscarriage otherwise. And it’s not like everything is 100% guarantees to be fine after 12 weeks

I told everyone at 12 weeks and it was a real shock to everyone as I was 38 and everyone thought I didn’t want children. Sadly I lost that baby at 13.5 weeks but to be honest the fact I had told everyone made it easier somehow. Luckily I fell pregnant again 3 months later with my DS.

I told parents and close friends the week I found out because if something bad happened, I wanted their support. Everyone at work knew but I’m a midwife so we’re all very close, open and honest and there are no secrets😂 wider family etc we told later on but if I’d seen them in person I’d have been happy with them knowing. To me miscarriage shouldn’t be a taboo, I totally understand people wanting to keep things private though. I’ll be the same if we’re lucky enough to have another child.

We didn't tell anyone befire I actually looked pregnant - 17/18 weeks.

I told my parents I was engaged on Christmas Day. The following year I told them I was pregnant (6 weeks) on Christmas Day. Next pregnancy I did wait til 12 weeks as I was 42 and had some spotting and had also developed type 1 diabetes so it was a higher risk pregnancy.
I was totally happy telling them early with my first and once they had been told the news was out. If I’d lost the baby I would need their support. The secind baby not so much.

I could have written your post.

We told our parents and my sister as soon as we found out. No way could I wait to tell my mum, dad and sister. Everyone else after my first scan.

We managed to tell no-one until after 20 weeks with both of ours. I’m very slim and tall, so didn’t show before the 20 week mark. And I managed to not tell the older child (2) until 37 weeks.

We wanted to keep it to ourselves and I’m allergic to people fussing. I didn’t want to be a pregnancy bore like so many of my friends - they made it all they talked about for seven tedious months.

Sorry for sounding clinical but I would wait for the 12 week scan and then you know everything is normal and healthy.

My friend told everyone as she was so excited then found out there was a non-viable chromosome defect and had to have a termination. Her DH had to get that information relayed to all her friends and family when she would have preferred to keep it private.

I’m sorry but getting to 12 weeks doesn’t mean that everything is normal and healthy.

I know plenty of people for whom that isn’t true.
I’m one of them.

I was in several support groups and it’s by no means any sort of guarantee.

(I told people straight away each time. That way, I had the joy and then the support.)

I completely agree with this.

I lost my last pregnancy, I hadn't told my mum I was pregnant but told her that I was miscarrying because sometimes you just need a hug from your mum. I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to hide that pain.

I'm pregnant again, it's very early (not past the point of my previous loss) and I've told my sister and two best friends. I'll be seeing my parents and in laws at the weekend and while I'm not planning on telling them, if it comes up (i.e. not drinking) I won't lie. A PP used the phrase 'don't mention, don't hide' and I love that.

But also @PoppieCock telling everyone 'before the pee on the stick was dry' REALLY made me laugh 👏

First time round we were struggling to conceive and I had a few ‘periods’ so didn’t know I was pregnant. It was because of the sickness and nausea I tested as I was starting to worry about what was wrong with me.

Second time I figured out a couple of weeks in. I let close people including my manager and little team at work know. I felt wretched but not ill enough to be a work (severe nausea until 20 odd weeks in), so needed to explain why I was ill and in need of some support. I’ve been really lucky to have never experienced pregnancy loss. I only told people I would need support from if I had a loss.

I think it really depends on your personality and how you would feeling having to share bad news if anything went wrong. 10 week isn't that far off 12 weeks so the risks are lower.

Personally I shared at 11 weeks with our first (as DH parents were here from abroad), 12 weeks with our second (ended in still birth at 20 weeks), said nothing to anyone with our third and fourth (ended in MMC at 8-10 weeks) and waited until 20 weeks with our last (bar my parents as we visited and I was huge by 12 weeks)