Third baby: planned C-section or vaginal birth after difficult recovery?

[brokenmummy230992]

I’m unexpectedly pregnant with my 3rd baby. My first baby I had a planned C-section due to some health concerns with baby, essentially it was safest to get him out this way. He’s now 5 and wonderful. The C-section was fine and recovery ok but always felt like I missed out on experiencing labour and delivery the ‘natural way.’

My second was an induced vaginal birth due to reduced fetal movements. Once I was actually in labour after 5 days in hospital I gave birth via forceps because he wasn’t in a great position and no amount of pushing worked. I ended up having an episiotomy and a manual evacuation of my placenta which was quite frankly horrifying. I found recovery really difficult- I was in pain down below for a long time, I had a slight prolapse and experienced urinary and fecal incontinence for around 4 months. I’m 2 years post partum and still struggle with urine leaks at times.

my previous pregnancies I lived centrally in a town, meaning I wasn’t isolated and got about easily via walking and car. However we have now moved to a semi rural area and whilst close by to shops etc it involves walking down tiny country lanes with no footpaths.

I'm scared of giving birth again vaginally due to my recovery from last time. What if it’s worse this time? It really impacted my mental health and contributed to 2 years worth of awful postnatal depression. But if I have a planned C-section, after my husbands 2 week paternity leave, I would need to get both my older kids to school and nursery and I wouldn't be able to drive. I’m worried I’ll be isolated and not able to go out because of where we live- not safe to walk the lanes with a pram and the cars that race up and down them and there’s no busses where I live. I have no family support other than my husband.

what would you do??

I would have the planned c section and try and bed down for as long as you can after the recovery period.

Can you walk to the schools/ nursery. Are there local buses. You live rurally so you are probably going to have to get comfortable with walking for a few weeks. Whereas school is obviously a must, nursery isn’t so I would consider keeping the younger one home.

I would make as many school parent friends as I could and explain that you need help with school runs for 4 weeks but you would happily return the favour and do their school runs. Many people will be happy to help out one or two days a week

Planned section, definitely! Due to DH job I drove after 10 days (cleared by insurance) so you might not be out of action for a full 6 weeks...

I had a vaginal delivery for my first and a c section for my second. For my third I had a VBAC largely because I hated the c section and the recovery. But my first birth was non instrumental and I had no issues delivering the placenta so trusted that I would experience similar again. In your position I would undoubtedly opt for a c section no matter how much I hated it and sort out logistics of your older ones well in advance.

I’ve had natural labour (by far the best), assisted with episiotomy and third was induced fucking hell of a touture session that ended in emergency c section.

if I had to have another child I would try for natural but the second they start saying we need to induce with that drip I’d refuse and demand a c section. My episiotomy healing was years of hell by far worse than an emergency section.

look into childminders or nannies who may help with picking kids up and taking to school. Your husband takes parental leave. Beg help from other parents you trust. Tell school you need help with school runs. Your husband takes parental holiday hours to facilitate school runs/work part time. Is there wrap around club at the school?

depressed physically struggling mum for a few months/couple years is going to be so much more damaging than 4 weeks missed school if you really cannot find a solution.

look at childcare.co.uk. The LA family information service will have a list of childminders.

I want to give you a big hug, it's so hard making these decisions when it's all unknown. Have you thought about meditating to connect with what is really underlying your fear, that really helps me. Pop That Mumma has some amazing tracks in her online hypnbirthing course Birth Box. Also, she was talking a lot about the 4th stage on instagram recently and your experience is very common, might find some support in that community xx