Cheated on whilst 33 weeks pregnant

[pinkdreamy]

My partner left early hours of Wednesday morning to go to benidorm for a stag do, we’ve been in a relationship for 2 years and he’s been on a few holidays without me in the past and as he was going on this one with his dad, uncles, etc I had alot of anxiety as I’m so far along but I just trusted that he would be back before I know it & that everything would be okay. He has an old phone here still connected to his instagram and messenger and yesterday evening I hadn’t heard from him in over 7 hours which is unusual for him as anytime he’s gone away he’s always FaceTiming me and texting or calling me. After getting a horrible gut feeling I decided to turn that phone on and a notification on instagram came through right away from a girl living in Benidorm, all she sent was ‘😏’. After clicking on the messages, he’d sent her a message saying ‘don’t you forget I’ll be waiting’ to which she replied the emoji above and his last response was ‘dirty girl’ which never got replied to. I haven’t slept since, I confronted him immediately and all he can say is he is ‘sorry, it won’t happen again, I’m an idiot, I didn’t actually do anything it was just a stupid conversation in a bar and then I sent a stupid message’. Long story short after this explanation, we live together and I financially don’t have the means to just get another property this close to my due date. I know staying isn’t optional, he did this to me whilst I was at home worried about him and he had been in Benidorm less than 24 hours and that’s all it took for him to cheat on me whilst I’m heavily pregnant. I just want advice, I don’t have any friends, my mum is all I have and she’s aware of this situation but she’s spent all day with me and I just want help from someone on here on how I even handle this. I’m broken, he’s home on Monday which makes me feel even worse knowing I have to face him eventually, I’m forcing myself to eat for my baby girl, I’m so alone and scared for the future, I’m just destroyed emotionally and mentally and I haven’t even got closure because he’s still lying about what happened in that bar to lead to a message like that being sent and in his version, he hadn’t actually seen her since which doesn’t stop the pain of the fact he would have had I not found those messages through getting an intuition. Please help

Your main priority has to be your baby. Any emotional upset isn't going to be good for your baby. Do you rent the property that you are living in with your boyfriend? Are you both on the tenancy? Could you move in with your Mum? Are you currently on maternity leave? Are you relying on your boyfriend financially?

Long-term, ending the relationship is probably for the best. Your boyfriend has barely been in Benidorm for 24 hours and has managed to flirt at the very least with another woman (if not more). Sadly, I suspect this isn't the first time, especially as he's been away without you before with friends...just the first time he's been caught.

In theory kicking his ass out the door would be my response...but you're 33 weeks pregnant. If your boyfriend leaves, would you have any regular support? What if the birth isn't straight forward and you needed a C-section, you'd need support after this for you and the baby? You need to figure out how much support you would have. I'm not suggesting you forgive him, I'm suggesting you bide your time, until after the birth, and you're in a good routine with support around you. Then you kick his ass out the door and work towards co-parenting.

Thank you for your advice. The only thing keeping me going is knowing I have her, it’s just the mental side of knowing he’s done this but I agree with you this can’t be the first time, if I didn’t find those messages he would have kept living the lie.

I do depend on him quite alot financially and emotionally, we had a birth plan in place and everything was going so smoothly and now I feel like it’s all been turned upside down. We do rent this place though so I’m looking for a new rental that I’m hoping I can move into immediately after birth.

as long as she has some form of stability for now in the sense of her nursery is all done in this home so I’ll be in there with her, separate from him. Her pram is here and her next to me crib etc, it’s all ready waiting for her it’s just the fact that now I can’t even bear to be in this home with him I just want out but I know right now it’s probably safer to play it smart for her to have the most comfort straight after birth rather than me jumping straight into a new rental now leaving myself short on money, moving furniture across, settling in myself then with a newborn.

my mum has said I’m more than welcome up there but she lives with her partner, it’s a 2 bedroom home and I have a dog and she has 2 cats. She’s said we will make it work but it’s all so much stress to cope with when I have 6 weeks remaining until my due date. I am on maternity leave too yeah so my days are filled with walks, watching tv, reading books repeat. I feel like I’m in a waiting game until she’s here with me.

I just hate that we built this image of all of the things we will do together once she’s here, this life we’ve built and now he’s crashed it down and I’ve had to do a 360 on now looking at it through a co-parenting lense, separate houses, it breaks my heart. He definitely deserves to have his ass kicked right out of the door though

Sorry you're going through this, especially when you're feeling so vulnerable. Try and bide your time, stress is the last thing you need right now. He clearly had every intention of cheating on you if it happened within the first 24 hours. He doesn't deserve you and if he can cheat when youre pregnant, he will do it again and again. Try and stay strong until you've had your baby and then decide what to do. Good luck.