Employer refusing support on stressful project during pregnancy AIBU?

[PinkPeony16]

I’m struggling with my employer and I would love some advice.

I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and working in a very stressful (sometimes toxic) environment. I’ve been generally quite well during my pregnancy and haven’t needed any time off or reasonable adjustments so far.

I’m leading on a small project at work which has become horribly stressful. I’ve been in my role for about 8 years and can usually work quite independently but this project has been particularly challenging which has meant I’ve needed to escalate a few things to senior colleagues. Sadly, my emails and verbal requests for support have gone unanswered and nobody seems to want to provide any steer or guidance. This has been going on for about 5 or 6 months and I’m really struggling.

This project is having a negative effect on my health; it’s keeping me up at night, my stomach is in knots and I can’t seem to put it to the back of my mind. I’m really worried that this stress could be affecting my baby so this morning, I made the decision that I could no longer continue with it. I emailed my manager asking to be redeployed from the project with immediate effect, citing poor health due to lack of support.

My manager has responded to say that I can’t opt in and out of projects, and that it’s not fair on other team members if they have to pick up my slack. They’ve sent a few stern emails about how I need to face challenges etc, and have offered to refer me to counselling if my pregnancy is affecting me. My manager is also requesting a meeting and has scheduled one for tomorrow (ironic since I’ve been begging for a discussion about this project for months without success).

I’ve been made to feel like the issue lies with me and my pregnancy, rather than the fact that I’m working on challenging projects without much-needed support. I’m really nervous about this meeting and I almost regret saying anything in the first place. AIBU? How would you respond to my employer?

I have no knowledge to pass on, but wanted to offer moral support. What an absolute dick response from your manager! You're not trying to get out of anything or slack off, you are worried about the health of your unborn child, which comes before any hypothetical feelings of unfairness that your colleagues may experience.

I would maybe reiterate that the ways of working have always had this impact on your health and wellbeing, it is nothing to with your pregnancy. The difference that your pregnancy makes, is that it is not currently safe for you to absorb the stress and pressure as you would at another time.

I suggest posting your OP into Chat GTP to ask the best course of action and maybe re-post tge response on here for further advice.

Do you have an HR department that you can forward the reply on to and ask for their assistance?

@Velvian thank you so much! That’s exactly it - it’s not really about my pregnancy because these problems have always been there.

Tbh, the more I think about the “unfairness to colleagues” thing, the more annoyed I feel. It’s like I’m being guilt-tripped.

I’ve just taken your advice and posted it into Chat GPT. It’s given me a really great insight into how to approach the meeting so I’ll make some notes and take them in with me.

Yes we do have a HR dept but I’m not always convinced of their impartiality🙄