Difficult family dynamics at 8 months pregnant

[Pintos]

I am 35 weeks pregnant and having a tricky 3rd trimester- placenta praevia and 2 ambulance journeys to hospital / 7 nights on the ward so far after some scary big bleeds. I'm ok now but anxious and worried. With my DD I had PND and I'm thinking a lot about how to set myself up for a better post partum period this time around.

Separately, my brother in law (husband's sister's husband) decided a few months ago he doesn’t like me. After 10 years. His wife and I had a few cross words last year but she apologised and we are now fine. It may be related, maybe not, but these days he just ignores me and avoids eye contact. It is very uncomfortable and in the last few weeks I've started to worry about how this will play out. They came over last week for DD's 5th birthday and it was really uncomfortable - he literally doesn't acknowledge i exist - so upsetting in my own home. I am hormonal and emotional and dont know how to approach it with him. But I don't want him anywhere near me during post partum if that is how he is going to make me feel - I need my village, not this drama. So I'm fretting over hospital visits and home visits and why he hates me at a time when I need to be focused on creating a supportive and loving environment to welcome baby, support DH and DD, and help me recover.

Any advice??

Context is everything. What was the detail of the argument with you and his wife?

I feel like you need to relax a little about this - he’s your husband’s sister’s husband… so wider family, rather than immediate. Surely he’s not going to be around that much. Ok they’ll come to see the baby for an hour or 2 initially but beyond that, how much does he realistically need to be around? You’re the one in control of who visits and when (FWIW I wouldn’t be allowing them in the hospital, or anyone frankly- just recover!) so just frame it as - you can cope with 1 awkward/slightly unpleasant visit, then after that set your boundaries for when you want him around and when you don’t.

You could also speak to SIL and say you’re picking up on bad vibes from him etc would like things to change. Could even explain in the meantime it would be fine for her to visit more often but until his attitude changes you’d prefer him to stay away while you’re in this vulnerable period

Do not put yourself under any pressure to deal with this now. If you had pnd last time then now you must focus on looking after your mental health. Your dh needs to step in here and make sure that they do not come round to see the new baby unless you are sure you can cope. You can both deal with whatever is going on later. Speak to your dh, let him understand the support you need and try to let this go for the moment.

She invited me to an event for their cousin's birthday but told me the people they wanted to come made up 5 in total (4 cousins + my husband's ex gf) and they needed an even number of guests to keep costs down, so would I like to come. I declined because it was unnecessary to tell me they didn't actually want me there and no I dont want to come to make up numbers. Like I say, she apologised and we moved on