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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Struggling after abortion at 42

17 replies

ThatNewReader · 09/05/2026 08:03

Hi all, I’m hoping for any shared experiences or thoughts. Please be kind as I’m feeling really wobbly at the moment.

I found out I was 4-5 weeks pregnant earlier this week. It was a huge shock- I’m 42 with 3 children already and very busy lives/ jobs.
i felt so stupid for letting this happening. We’d ben using the pull out method when we did (occasionally) have sex and this obviously didn’t work this time.

I felt hugely torn- I’m not against abortion at all but it felt wrong to not go ahead and I absolutely loved being pregnant and having a small baby. It felt like a massively head vs heart decision.

But there were lots of reasons it would have been unwise to go ahead- our age, my husband and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch, the financial pressure. My oldest has his GCSEs next year and middle son has been having a tough time at school.

However I wanted to go ahead and keep the baby but my husband begged me not to. At 47 he feels too old and he tends to worry a lot more than I do. It was an awful few days trying to come to a decision. But I felt that I couldn’t continue with him being so against the idea.
i ended up having an abortion yesterday and I feel absolutely heart broken. I have lots of regrets and feel so sad and guilty. I feel like I wish I could go back and in-do it. I’m
really trying to give my head a shake and remind myself of how much a have to be thankful for with 3 lovely children already but I can’t help feeling so sad.

My husband is being very attentive and trying to help but I can hardly look at him at the moment. I can’t help feeling angry with him.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and been able to move passed this?

OP posts:

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 09/05/2026 08:17

I have no advice but just wanted to say that kindly, I think you made the right decision.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 09/05/2026 08:20

Sending you lots of positive vibes and support.
all things considered it did sound the best option for you with your older kids and in time you’ll learn to be at peace with your decision.

PygmyOwl · 09/05/2026 08:23

OP, does your employer offer an Employee Assistance Programme? I think you would really benefit from talking to someone about this.

Aabbcc1235 · 09/05/2026 08:24

You probably know this already but pregnancy hormones play a massive part in feelings around abortion, which is why so many people find it such a difficult decision, even in very clear cut cases where there’s no real option.

So, be kind to yourself for the next few weeks, distract yourself and try not to think too deeply. If you still feel the same in a couple of months, worry about how you feel then.

For what it’s worth I think that you made the right decision…..

MaggieBsBoat · 09/05/2026 08:27

You did what you had to do and I am so sorry you are suffering right now. Please be kind to yourself.

That all said, it will be very hard not to blame your DH so this may have longer term repercussions which you should be aware of. So should he.

This will get easier, but like all things it will take time. Grief is hard.

CrescentMoonLanding · 09/05/2026 09:10

This is awful to go through OP, please talk to someone.... Sending hugs.

Original poster

ThatNewReader · 09/05/2026 11:23

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. Your kind words have helped. I’m suppose I felt I couldn’t describe it as grieving when I’d made the decision, but it’s more complicated than that and it definitely feels like a grief. Im definitely overwhelmed by all the hormones that are affecting my moods too and know I need to give it some time xxx

OP posts:

ChasingRainbow5 · 09/05/2026 14:35

I highly recommend counselling. I terminated many years ago and was offered up to three sessions free (I went via a sexual health clinic). It helped me a lot. Sending you a huge hug xx

Walkyrie · 09/05/2026 14:38

ThatNewReader · 09/05/2026 11:23

I feel for you, I got pregnant at 16 and wanted to go ahead with it but was persuaded very heavily to terminate by my then boyfriend who was horrified. I still get upset about it now and although I have 2 lovely kids, you can’t replace one pregnancy with another, so it’s a moot chain of thought really. You just have to learn to forgive yourself somehow and move on. Sadly though it will always be part of my life and guilt.

CrescentMoonLanding · 09/05/2026 17:31

ThatNewReader · 09/05/2026 11:23

You're allowed to call it what it is OP. You made a head over heart decision, that doesn't mean you're not grieving. Take the time you need and don't let thoughts of what others might say stop you from feeling your feelings.

Babygyrl1016 · 13/05/2026 04:06

Hi. I just terminated a pregnancy 5 days ago. I am also 42. It was my ex's who we also have 2 kids together. I also have 2 other kids. I am married to someone else who I have 1 child with and 1 child with someone other than my current husband. I wanted to know who the father of the newest baby was and if it was my current husband's child so I had a dna test and also found out it was a girl. Turns out it was my ex's child instead. I was devastated as my ex did not want to keep it and if I did my current marriage would be over. Plus im 42 and have 4 other kids 2 which are older teens and 1 who is an adult. I so sympathize with you. I am so sorry and so heartbroken as well. Many many prayers.

Babygyrl1016 · 13/05/2026 04:11

To clarify. I have 4 total children. 1 is an adult, 1 a teen, and two are younger. Sorry if I was confusing.

Babygyrl1016 · 13/05/2026 04:21

Also original poster it made it that much harder on me bc to get a nipt test you have to be at least 7 weeks along and the DNA Center took a whole month to get back to me between sending them a cheek swab for the father and them doing my blood draw at a center and I did not get results until I was over 10 weeks along so it was very very hard.

MrsImtheProbleM · 13/05/2026 04:47

Hi Op - this probably isn’t what you want to hear but when I terminated a pregnancy during lockdown it really impacted me and I was not my self for about 3 years. I felt immense guilt and self hatred, I resented my husband and I turned into a really sad person for a long while. I avoided sex because I was scared to fall pregnant again - even after my husband had the snip - I completely shut down from it and the walls went up, took me a long time to want to have sex or feel like I deserved intimacy. It effective my marriage, but thank fully my husband was patient with me and we worked through it. It wasn’t his fault , it was both our decision but I couldn’t look at him I felt ashamed of us both. I know it’s wasn’t rational and I’m pro choice and it was the right decision for our family. But I just hated my self for so long. I couldn’t even talk about it. I don’t think it helped that it was during Covid lockdown and I did it at home, I was sent a pack in the post and it was horrific, I fainted and vomited and it was longest night of my life, I’ve never felt pain like it and they now think I was actually further along than my dates suggested. But I wasnt allowed to have a dating scan before, it was either all dealt with remotely or not at all but they said they were confident by my dates, and I would be fine. I got an infection after and was very poorly, when I was seen in a&e the doctors were very kind but were disgusted by the process in which it was all dealt with.

I’m okay now the emotional scars have healed and I’ve learned to live with my choice. Please be kinder to yourself than I was. Loads of love ❤️

NameChangeMay2026 · 13/05/2026 04:58

I'm sorry, OP. At least some of this will be your hormones, which is not to discount your pain. Abortions are sad, even when they are the right thing.

And it does sound as if you did the right thing. Your husband was seriously against it, and it really sounds as if you have your hands very full already.

Do be aware that, with parents who are 42 and 47, there's a substantial risk that the pregnancy might not have worked out, anyway.

Maybe this might push your husband towards a vasectomy.

sesquipedalian · 13/05/2026 05:02

OP, you never get to read the other ending. You don’t know whether you might have had a miscarriage. You don’t know how it might have adversely affected your family, had you gone through with it. At the moment, you’re feeling very raw, but you need to be kind to yourself. You had very good reasons for making the choice you did, and of course there are complicated feelings about it, but you need to look at the family you have. Your DH is doing his best to be kind, and you made a joint decision to terminate. Give yourself time to come to terms with things - it’s still all very raw for you, and things will get better. ❤️‍🩹

Original poster

ThatNewReader · 14/05/2026 19:12

Thank you all so much for your comments- i keep re-reading them as it’s reassuring to hear others think it was the right decision and also that it’s ok to feel really sad and to hear others stories. I still feel so upset and regretful, but I’ve arranged to have some therapy starting soon which hopefully will help. My husband’s trying to be kind but he doesn’t understand at all so it’s tricky to talk to him about it.

OP posts:

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