Regrets after abortion at 42

[ThatNewReader]

Hi all, I’m hoping for any shared experiences or thoughts. Please be kind as I’m feeling really wobbly at the moment.
I found out I was 4-5 weeks pregnant earlier this week. It was a huge shock- I’m 42 with 3 children already and very busy lives/ jobs.
i felt so stupid for letting this happening. We’d ben using the pull out method when we did (occasionally) have sex and this obviously didn’t work this time.
I felt hugely torn- I’m not against abortion at all but it felt wrong to not go ahead and I absolutely loved being pregnant and having a small baby.
But there were lots of reasons it would have been unwise to go ahead- our age, my husband and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch, the financial pressure. My oldest has his GCSEs next year and middle son has been having a tough time at school.
however I wanted to go ahead and keep the baby but my husband begged me not to. At 47 he feels too old and he tends to worry a lot more than I do. It was an awful few days trying to come to a decision. But I felt that I couldn’t continue with him being so against the idea.
i ended up having an abortion yesterday and I feel absolutely heart broken. I have lots of regrets and feel so sad and guilty. I feel like I wish I could go back and in-do it.
my husband is being very attentive and trying to help but I can hardly look at him at the moment. I can’t help feeling angry with him.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and been able to move passed this?

Hi Op,

I haven’t been in a similar position but I would like to maybe offer my opinion if that’s okay. I had 2 abortions in my 20s very early on like yourself. I will be honest and say it affected my very little and I didn’t feel guilty or upset at all. I am now in my late 30s and have a 2 year old. The thought of having an abortion now makes me feel very differently to how it did all those years ago and like yourself I think it would be a very hard decision. I think this is because when you become a mother the love you have your current children you project onto this ‘unborn one’ but that is an unfair comparison. You can’t compare. It sounds like you made a choice that was in the best interests for your current children - and my opinion is their needs and welfare are paramount. You didn’t do this with no thought and practically it probably was the correct choice given everything you shared but I absolutely understand the emotional turmoil you must be in. Please be kind to yourself xxx

If I was in your situation I would have had an abortion too.

I think you need to list your head feelings and heart feelings. Then let yourself grieve.

Be kind to yourself OP.
Definitely not an easy decision to make but if I was in the same position I’d have done the same. You have put serious thought into your decision, give that the respect it deserves x

I’m sorry you’re feeling heart broken, it’s ok to grieve for what could have been. For what it’s worth, objectively it sounds like it was the right thing to do. Not least for your other children.

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I'm heartbroken for you. Hope you have someone to talk to in your inner circle who can help you in this struggle. Sending you a big hug, sister x

It sounds like a very tough decision, but one that you made for the good of your family, which is what you can hold on to.
I hope what I'm about to say doesn't come across as insensitive - it's the kind of thing that would give me comfort but I know that not everyone's brain works like mine! But at your age, there is a much higher likelihood of miscarriage (so in the end your abortion wouldn't have mattered), or of having a child with disabilities. Doubtless that would have had a huge impact on your family, much much more than the healthy baby which is what you are imagining now. With everything you've said, the cost-balance analysis seems to come out strongly on the side of stability/support for your existing children and husband, who doesn't sound like he could cope in that situation.
(I have recently had a miscarriage at nearly 40, and what has made me feel much more at peace with it is the idea that there was likely something very wrong with the foetus, so its life, and that of my current family, would have been hugely and negatively impacted had the pregnancy continued).