Opinions needed! 🙏🏼

em2026 · 2026-05-03T20:39:55+00:00

I know no one can answer this for me, but I could do with opinions if you’ve gone through the same. have found out I’m pregnant in the last week (6ish weeks), I have two children already ages 10 & 13, so this is a pretty big age gap. when we’ve had the conversation before (a few yrs ago) about more children, my eldest was absolutely against it so we didn’t think any more of it. this situation now was obviously not planned & we have made a few comments in the last couple of days to gauge her current opinion on it & she’s still very adamant she doesn’t want another sibling. now I know the normal thing to say would be it’s not her choice but I don’t want to upset the Apple cart here. she’s a very well behaved child, at school & at home. She’s only recently come out of her shell more and become more comfortable with life in general. i have a fear this will massively upset her & make her not want to live here anymore & I don’t want to push her to feeling that way. my 10 year old is totally adaptable bless her & is oblivious to everything so she would be happy enough. anyone gone through the same with their children that can offer any advice? please no pro-life not pro-life discussions. This isn’t an easy one. (also is the same father as my two children-incase this makes a difference! So no new partner/household changes) thank you!

helpmelosemybigbelly · 03/05/2026 21:43

What does your partner think about the pregnancy?

Original poster

em2026 · 03/05/2026 21:55

helpmelosemybigbelly · 03/05/2026 21:43

What does your partner think about the pregnancy?

He’s probably happier about it than me! We’ve done a pro’s & con’s list together & this seems to be the outstanding con for us both.

OP posts:

yonem · 03/05/2026 22:08

make her not want to live here anymore

if it’s the same father where else would she live?

helpmelosemybigbelly · 03/05/2026 22:09

I think if u as parents want it then go for it.. it’s not a decision for your daughter and she will just have to adapt.

Original poster

em2026 · 03/05/2026 22:12

yonem · 03/05/2026 22:08

make her not want to live here anymore

if it’s the same father where else would she live?

She has a very close relationship with my dad/her grandad, who lives v close, so I imagine that would be what she says! Of course I don’t know that she’ll definitely say she doesn’t want to live here, but I imagine to some degree it’ll be something along those lines.

OP posts:

McGregor33 · 04/05/2026 00:12

I have a similar age gap, my oldest took it really badly- she spoke of moving out, wouldn’t speak to me etc. She did come round within a month or so and now they have the best bond ever. She now looks back in shock at how she acted xx

BudgetBuster · 04/05/2026 09:08

We have a 14 year old (stepson) and he was OK when we had our toddler (now 2, he was 11 when he was born). We are expecting again now and he's fuming.

But he's a child, he doesn't get to dictate how many kids we have. We have the resources for another child (time, finances, space etc). We have reiterated to him that his schooling, social life, sports etc will all remain as is... which they did when we had out toddler. We don't expect him to interact much outside of normal family life with the babies (no babysitting etc).

Obviously it's a big change but honestly I wouldn't let a 13 year old threaten me... thats what it sounds like you are allowing. She's 13... where the heck else would she live? She can't just decide to go live with your Dad without your say so. And a new sibling is no reason to tolerate shit behaviour... YES ITS A CHANGE, and I'd expect some backlash but honestly I wouldn't tolerate a big behaviour shift. Why would you expect that she'd go wild or something?

Original poster

em2026 · 04/05/2026 13:37

McGregor33 · 04/05/2026 00:12

I have a similar age gap, my oldest took it really badly- she spoke of moving out, wouldn’t speak to me etc. She did come round within a month or so and now they have the best bond ever. She now looks back in shock at how she acted xx

This gives me hope, thank you so much for your reply xx

OP posts:

Original poster

em2026 · 04/05/2026 13:41

BudgetBuster · 04/05/2026 09:08

We have a 14 year old (stepson) and he was OK when we had our toddler (now 2, he was 11 when he was born). We are expecting again now and he's fuming.

But he's a child, he doesn't get to dictate how many kids we have. We have the resources for another child (time, finances, space etc). We have reiterated to him that his schooling, social life, sports etc will all remain as is... which they did when we had out toddler. We don't expect him to interact much outside of normal family life with the babies (no babysitting etc).

Obviously it's a big change but honestly I wouldn't let a 13 year old threaten me... thats what it sounds like you are allowing. She's 13... where the heck else would she live? She can't just decide to go live with your Dad without your say so. And a new sibling is no reason to tolerate shit behaviour... YES ITS A CHANGE, and I'd expect some backlash but honestly I wouldn't tolerate a big behaviour shift. Why would you expect that she'd go wild or something?

This is exactly how it would be with us.
Nothing would change for her whatsoever, we have the space to extend our property for extra bedrooms so no moving their rooms around either! and you’re totally right about her not dictating what we do etc, I’m just not sure I can live in a house where tensions are high and she doesn’t talk to us! But as someone else said, a few months in it should settle. It’s an adjustment for everyone I guess!
thank you for your reply ☺️

OP posts:

Credittocress · 04/05/2026 13:48

I don’t know why you would have allowed your child to think they have any say in the matter.

It should be a decision for you and your partner. I think by giving your child the impression they have any say in this you have made a grave error

7238SM · 04/05/2026 13:58

I too have no idea why a teen has any say in YOUR pregnancy? I don't think any teens would be happy for their mum to be pregnant again at that age either.

BudgetBuster · 04/05/2026 14:12

em2026 · 04/05/2026 13:41

This is exactly how it would be with us.
Nothing would change for her whatsoever, we have the space to extend our property for extra bedrooms so no moving their rooms around either! and you’re totally right about her not dictating what we do etc, I’m just not sure I can live in a house where tensions are high and she doesn’t talk to us! But as someone else said, a few months in it should settle. It’s an adjustment for everyone I guess!
thank you for your reply ☺️

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Does your daughter frequently stop talking to you? I think you might be hyping this up a bit more in your head than what the reality will actually be?