Is ongoing baby brain normal 18 months postpartum and affecting work?

[OneHangryReader]

18 months postpartum, been back at work since she turned 1, working 3 days a week. My husband unfortunately has not been very well and was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition in the autumn, and we don't have local family.

I do 2 days true solo parenting a week, every breakfast and bedtime due to DHs illness, and busy weekends. I am able to keep on top of all crucial mental load but for all other topics my brain is complete mush. My focus at work is almost nonexistent. I can write a decent report or do some analysis, but if I'm asked to do a minor task or something is mentioned in a meeting and not written down then I completely forget. Failing to keep on top of admin and emails.

At home, I can remember buy my toddlers favourite foods but loose track of other essentials like loo roll or cleaning supplies. Will leave the house in my slippers or forget to pack nappies. Desperately want to have a roofer in to look at a leak but literally forget every day until I'm about to fall asleep.

Is this normal? What can I do to improve my working memory and 'baby brain'?!!

Research shows ‘baby brain’ is forever as our brain chemistry changes through pregnancy. Sorry! My DC is 6 and I’m still like that. I vaguely remember bits of things mentioned at work but if it’s not written down I won’t remember the details.

be kind to yourself. Your mental load now includes a whole other human being.

I found that it helps if I email myself (sometimes even to my work email) things like “call the roofer” as I’ll also forget until I’m almost falling asleep. You basically need to find other coping mechanisms to keep on top of the all the other “stuff” both work and home.

As someone with life-long short-term memory problems (brain damage at birth due to placenta previa) get in the habit of noting everything down. Have a laptop in meetings, keep a list of everything, make work aware and ask if things can be highlighted for you such as your name in bold in the minutes when it's been your turn to do something.

Have a system for admin and emails. Sort them every morning when you get in. delete the irrelevant ones, highlight ones you need to go back to. Use a calendar and mark what admin you need to do when. I have 1.5 hours a week with a support worker for admin, and so my main method is that we have a shared chat group and I put anything I did to do on admin straight on there, and then check it each admin session.

For home things - a diary and lists. Anything that needs doing like calling a roofer goes in my diary for a day when I think I'll have time to do it.

How is he sleeping? I found the baby brain effect really improves for me once they’re sleeping through.
It sounds like you’re under a lot of stress though which will take it’s toll on anyone.
If I’m laying in bed and remember something I should have done during the day, I set an alarm on my phone for a time I know will be convenient the next day.

I hate to say it but my baby brain never went away and my eldest is 11. And it got worse after my second who's nearly 3 🙈

You’ve got so much going on, no wonder you’re not able to remember certain things. Sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job at work and at home in challenging circumstances. I have an 18 month old and also suffer from forgetting things unless they’re written down and even then they have to be written somewhere I’ll remember to check! Also like PP said, I often remember something just as I’m about to go to bed and then think Oo I must do that in the morning (repeat x 100 as these things often forgotten again by morning!). Be kind to yourself! X

Yes, sorry baby brain is a change. But research into the brain shows it's always able to grow and develop, we used to think it stopped. Your brain is now restrained to do more empathy and less short term memory, planning and others. I am dyslexic and had an issue with short term memory, but it only really became a problem when I became a mum. The great thing about your brain is you can restrain it. With repetition. I found looking up a growth mindset useful. Don't let your current shortcomings define you. You need to find a system that works for you. Such as shopping lists, digital or paper. Setting reminders on your phone. Have a notebook or app for a to do list and add roofer to it. If you have insomnia too, when all these thoughts come to you, write them down. At work, it doesn't sound all bad if you can analyse and write reports. But maybe have specific times of day to check emails. And maybe focus in doing one job at a time. I have similar struggles with not taking in what people say at work/ forgetting small tasks. Maybe ask people to email you tasks... As others have said sorting out sleep will be the main help