38+4 labour fears kicking in

[Pipeline99]

Hi,

38+4 with third baby. Starting to get anxious about delivery.. have had 2 natural births, first assisted with forceps, second no assistance and fairly smooth but both long, around 40 hours. 4/5 years between each pregnancy (same for this one). Ended up having an epidural both times due to tiredness and just being so fed up of the pain. I would love to rely on just the G&A this time, I had never had it until my 2nd labour, had already asked for the epidural before being given it, I recall feeling as tho I could have gone ahead without but the epi was done soon after these thoughts. I do believe my daughter would’ve been born faster without it. Would like to avoid having one this time as I do feel like it delays pushing stage for me personally. I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance and third labour stories so I can feel positive ahead of the ‘big day’. I do feel like I probably tense up during labour and almost fight it all a bit which could perhaps even prolong it all for me. Just have the fear that I cannot do it without the full pain relief (epidural) Any advice appreciated x

I’m about to have my fourth and have had a mixture of experiences too. Hypnobirthing had really helped me, I just take the bits from it that work for me. Particularly, viewing birth as normal and natural, feeling positive about each contraction bringing me closer to me baby and practising breathing and relaxation before birth (there are YouTube videos) to keep me body free from fear hormones and embrace birth. I remember my first birth feeling the volume turn up on the pain every time I allowed fear in.

You will get through this one way or another and j hole you get the birth experience you’d like ☺️

I have had three births and you will come to your third with a different perspective. I agree with PP about hypnobirthing attitudes: each contraction brings you closer; it’s a normal pain; you are capable.

I hope the birth goes well and you are able to avoid an over-drawn labour.

My advice: hold your plans for what you want to do loosely. The goal is healthy baby, healthy mum. Because my second pg was high risk (me old, twins) I both had to be in hospital and lying down (because of monitoring the babies). Based on first labour where lying down was outrageously painful (was ok when upright or on all fours or in water) decided I would plan an epidural. As it turned out that didn’t happen at all and I delivered both with no epidural because there was no time (needed bloods first and were waiting for results). My experience for all of my babies is you have to let go of control: of the process, of your body. Stop fighting it. You got this, and you will be out the other side soon, whatever the trip looks like. You won’t know until you are in the moment what you will need, even though you’ve done it before. Every birth is different. Good luck x

@Pipeline99 no advice as such, but sending you solidarity. I'm 38 weeks tomorrow with DC3 and have definitely been experiencing some anxieties about labour and possibility of induction. I think the imminence and hormones at this point can make thoughts start racing a bit! I agree with PPs re relaxation and hypnobirthing/breathing techniques being helpful and grounding day to day and in preparationfor birth. Even some gentle pregnancy yoga at this point can help.

Fear of pain is a very real thing. If you end up getting another epi because it helps you manage that, that's fine!
With DS1 labour I was definitely full of fear during labour, despite doing all the recommended prep. I then had a lot of anxiety in pregnancy with DS2, thankfully labour went relatively smoothly and I found it quite healing in a way. I'd done some prep on understanding what was happening to my body during labour and that it was all part of the process, rather than something I had to fear and run away from (which was definitely the case with DS1). With DS1 I got through it with gas and air only BUT I don't feel any pride in that, I wish I'd had an epi to help me cope better and avoid later trauma! Luckily I've not worried too much this time, but all of a sudden I'm aware it's round the corner so trying to stay on top of the anxiety with a few mins of daily yoga moves and relaxation. We will get through this OP, our bodies are amazing things x

I had an epidural with all 3 births and due my 4th soonish and will opt for one again.

all my labours progressed really quickly and were a breeze. My last birth we started doing the “practice pushes” and I was so relaxed I didn’t realise we had progressed to baby coming until the midwife told me she could see the head. Me and Dh were watching the football on his phone the whole time! (I had a fantastic team at the hospital).

only had stitches with my first birth and that’s it. I believe the epidural really helps with the pain after birth too as I have never had pain when going to the bathroom or moving etc. it’s been brilliant for me. Kudos to women who do it without because I couldn’t! Gas and air did nothing for me except make me feel sick

do whatever feels right for you!

Ah thank you for all your kind and supportive messages. They have actually really helped as just nice to know you’re not alone.

@audhdandme you have made me feel a lot better about having an epidural for a third time.. upon reflection I don’t know why I’m so adamant on not having to have one and why I seem to think there is a rush to get baby out during the labour process. We don’t receive a medal for any of this and ultimately the goal is to get baby out safely. I also agree with you that I have never had any pain or discomfort after my epidurals and they have been really successful both times.

@Hopingrae wishing you a safe delivery and smooth labour. I will try and update this feed if I have her so I can hopefully tell you a positive labour story in time for your delivery. I also totally agree with you that fear of pain, is an issue here for me. It can almost feel natural to feel we have to fight it. I think your overall message that I need to trust the process is really one I need to remind myself of.

@OneMoreCoffee3 wishing you a safe delivery also. So lovely you will have four children after this one.. despite my fears of labour and the fact I gain so much weight during pregnancies, I often picture myself with 4. Similarly to @Hopingrae i think you’re right that I need to keep reminding myself this is a natural process.

My first born has SEN and I think I had a period of blaming and wondering whether I caused this to happen during his delivery (very lengthy pushing stage/epidural leading to forceps/episiotomy). Of course I am aware now that neither of these aspects of delivery caused this but I think in those early days of coming to terms with things, there was a lot of self blame and I held myself accountable. I therefore think delivery and labour is quite a sensitive control issue for me and produces a lot of anxiety. Perhaps having come to terms with this will now will allow me to give myself a little inner peace.

Hi there lovely ladies, so i suffer with terrible anxiety and ocd, i have 4 children currently and just found out im pregnant with my 5th baby, basically on my 4th pregnancy i hurt my rib muscle from throwing up so much and since then its never been the samei have regular pain in the muscles when lifting things or even if i turned to quickly, im absoulutly petrifed of going into labour again when the time comes and not being able to have aepidural as gas and air never works and pethadine makes me violently sick, am i able to to request a epidural or put it on my pregnancy notes anywhere, i feel like such a baby and a failure not being able to cope with pain anymore

Hi there lovely ladies, so i suffer with terrible anxiety and ocd, i have 4 children currently and just found out im pregnant with my 5th baby, basically on my 4th pregnancy i hurt my rib muscle from throwing up so much and since then its never been the samei have regular pain in the muscles when lifting things or even if i turned to quickly, im absoulutly petrifed of going into labour again when the time comes and not being able to have aepidural as gas and air never works and pethadine makes me violently sick, am i able to to request a epidural or put it on my pregnancy notes anywhere, i feel like such a baby and a failure not being able to cope with pain anymore

I’m 37 weeks and 2 days with my first pregnancy. I am so so anxious. I’ve used work as a distraction up until now.
I’ve had a high risk pregnancy and it’s been a bumpy ride unfortunately so there is talk of caesareans and I am petrified. I don’t know what to expect at all and I think for me it is fear of the unknown. I suppose your fear is knowledge of how things have gone in the past. I’m just relieved to know I am not the only one worrying at this stage.

Just let them know it’s something you’d be interested in so they can help you with deciding when to ask for it. It is worth bearing in mind though that an analgesic epidural won’t get rid of rib pain. Occasionally it also isn’t possible to get one in/working in time, especially if it’s a 5th baby and labour cracks on at speed. It’s worth looking at the website labourpains.org if you’ve not seen it before. Might be worth asking about remifentanil as a pain relief option too (not available everywhere but if it is it can be really helpful, particularly if things progress quickly).

Awww thankyou for replying, its also my breathing it affects aswell so breathing hard in labour makes me panic and it starts off my panic attacks, my panic attacks also started because of the pain in the rib and it affects my back and chest to, that sets off my anxiety and i shake and vomit uncontrollable

Hi @Jenn34

sorry to hear about your fears and anxiety. There really is just nothing worse then fearing and dreading labour. The rib pain is an annoying addition too. So I have had my baby now ☺️. She was born on her due date and the fear I had so greatly happened!!! I got to the hospital and I had no time for pain relief. I was 2cm dilated and the contractions were unbelievably intense. I begged the lovely midwife to not send me home as they were so painful. I was questioning myself as to how I could not remember Labour being THIS painful with DD2. They let me stay and I was looking out of the hospital window in unbearable pain thinking my entire day was going to be set up with these contractions that were getting crazily more intense, to the point where I was drenched in sweat and almost incoherent!!! I told the midwife that something wasn’t right and begged for pain relief (she was saying no of course believing I was 2cm) I felt like something was very different with these contractions. She examined me again and I was 10cm.. I had gone from 2-10cm in 30 minutes! This is why the pains were so unmanageable. As I said in my original post I have had an epidural and long labours both times. As soon as she told me I was 10cm and that I needed to push a calm washed over me.. I knew the pain was going to be over soon and I was back in the room. My mind was speaking so calmly and my body just knew what to do.. don’t get me wrong I was bleating like a birthing cow but my head was calm and the pain suddenly felt manageable knowing my baby was coming.. and then minutes later she did! When I had the awful contractions and was begging the midwife to help me she told me after she was going to get the doctor to give me an epidural and put it down as an induction as she could tell the pain was too unmanageable for me. If this happens for you before 4cm try and ask for this. The midwife said the issue was that 3rd labours can be very unpredictable and she didn’t want to give me something too soon only for Labour to stop.. but I knew it wasn’t stopping. My pain threshold is unbelievably low but I did it.. yes it was awful for those intense 30 mins but as soon as I knew the end was near, I can’t explain the calm that overcame me.. and pushing just wasn’t bad at all in comparison. You are well within your right to ask for whatever you need.. please speak to your midwife and explain the rib issues they may be able to do something sooner. If the pain is unbearable early on it might be that it is going to end very soon like my labour. Perhaps ask to be reexamined if it seems to be moving along quickly.

It’s so lovely that you have number 5 along the way… despite having my 3rd now and the haunting labour pains I find it hard to draw the line and think that I’ll never do it all again :(. You WILL be okay.. they will not let you suffer for long if the pain is horrendous and even so if it is as I said it may be over very quickly! Good luck xx

Fast labours are very intense and difficult to get your head around, especially if you thought you were 2cm. I was 3cm when I went in with my third and got in the pool immediately even though strictly speaking I shouldn’t have. By trade I am a midwife so I just told them I was in labour and I may have been 3cm 10 minutes ago but so what 😂. I examined myself in the pool and I was 10cm within 30 minutes. Baby born moments later

I knew I was contracting like a train 😅

Im trying to see if i can speak to someone regarding my concerns but im worried they will think im crazy, congratulations on the birth aswell, i need to make a decision for myself and not keep suffering from all the worries before i make a decision ill regret