Nightmare MIL

[ch88ky]

Just need to unload, and make sure im not the ah,
So im pregnant, after two rounds of ivf, one miscarriage, bloody terrified it may happen again but we just have to wait and see. FIL is very supportive, has given funds towards ivf, MIL has offered no support and just keeps asking when she will get a grandchild, (they live together but are pretty much separated) we havent told anyone yet, but husbands just come home and told me they think that when we have a child they will be doing day care at least 3 days a week. Now my MIL can see me daily and speaks maybe 2 or 3 times a week, and its always pointed and minimal, a bad relationship, shes toxic, not someone I want my child around really. But understand there will have to be something. FIL is good at childcare, but I know if I left our child with him MIL would just take them off him. She swears constantly, is always on the phone. And doesnt pay much attention to her existing grandchildren she cares for. I dont want that, and dont want to feel someone else is rasing my child. I feel like if she hasnt been respectful to me in the past 7 years why should that relationship suddenly change because she wants another grandchild, AITAH?

Sorry for the long post, I seem to be overthinking some things but feel this isnt one

You know you don't have to have grandparents looking after your child. Do what you want.

I've had IVF pregnancies and I understand how stressful they can be so just focus on yourself and ignore the MIL.

IVF mum here too. It is tough. Wishing you all the best. I would present them with your arrangements all in place once you and DH are sorted and until then just thank them for their generous offer but say you haven't yet decided what to do.

Have you considered moving (much) further away from her?

Will DH back you up if you try to enforce normal boundaries around access to your baby?

Book a nursery as soon as your dc is born. Will you be going part time?

Get it all organised, contract signed and then tell MIL that she has quite enough to do looking after her other dgcs, so you've already got it all organised.

Take the initiative before she gets a word in. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near someone like that either.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. 🙂

Thank you for the responses, as much as I would love to move away or book into nursery, as soon as possible, realistically im self employed, wfh, I can do a few hours a day to get by, so when baby arrives I dont see it being a huge issue for quite a while. Our plan is nursery as soon as the local school nursery will take them. But maybe child minder once or twice a week from toddler. Its just getting that through to MIL!

100% get nursery sorted as soon as you can. If she makes a fuss then say you're oh so grateful for the offer but you've chosen a nursery because you need the stability of organized childcare. You wouldn't want your MIL to feel obliged if she was unwell or wanted to go on holiday etc.

Congratulations and best wishes with your pregnancy!