I am currently six weeks pregnant. I had a miscarriage last year and my husband really shocked me at how unsupportive he was during the miscarriage and weeks after. He told me he couldn’t make himself feel upset about it and was quite unphased. The miscarriage in itself was really challenging. I had really heavy bleeding due to being unable to pass the pregnancy and this needed to be removed. He was at work whilst this was happening and was snappy if I contacted him asking what I expected him to do, I was also caring for our children at the time whilst trying to conceal this from them. Emotionally he was very unavailable, he told me that the baby probably would have been disabled or Incompatible with life. If I tried to bring up my feelings around the experience he’d say I was aggressive when expressing how I felt about his support or oversensitive regarding how I was processing the loss.
I have known for two weeks now, and I just do not want to tell him yet. I can’t really decide why, part of me thinks it could be so that I don’t have to be vulnerable with him.
Another issue is that he doesn’t really respect any boundaries I try to establish, he tells his family very early on and I really cannot stand it. I found his family very overbearing with the loss, a week or so after the miscarriage my FIL said to me miscarriage is very common and that the baby was probably really disabled so I dodged a bullet. I found this really minimising of my experience of a traumatic miscarriage and loss of a very much wanted child, disabled or not.
Whilst I can’t hide it for ever, I don’t feel ready to tell my husband and it sucks.