Breast feeding

[FruitynNutty]

I've discovered how excited women get about breast feeding. I just wanted to give you all a word of warning to avoid disappointment.

I was told that every woman can breast feed. I was so excited at the prospect of BFing, I just couldn't wait for that bonding feeling and the feeling that I'm doing the best thing for my DS.

I didnt bother buying any bottles/sterilisers as I knew I was going to BF for as long as I could.

However, I discovered a few weeks after DS's birth that I had hardly any milk. DS was losing weight rapidly (although still a big baby). He was constantly hungry and really sucking hard. I couldn't work out why he was so hungry all the time until I tested it out with an electric pump. I was sitting with the thing stuck to me for 2 hours and only got less than half an ounce of milk.

I was absolutely devastated I still am and DS is a strapping, healthy 3 year old.
It's something I think about all the time as I had built my hopes up for the entire 9 months and felt like a complete failure.

I just wanted you all to know not to get your hopes up. Not every woman can BF. Not every woman has milk.

I wish you all the best of luck with your pregnancies and birth. You are not a failure if you have no milk/don't get on with BFing. Formula is a pretty good substitute

Fruity xx

I totally hear you

however, may i ask if you got any help from any lactation consultants or breastfeeding counsellors

the issue of low/ no supply is actually very rare

a pump is not actually an accurate reflection of how much milk you are producing

i totally and utterly empathise with you though, as i did not breastfeed my two, mostly due to poor and really, no advice at all,. but i recognise i did not fail.. i was failed by teh MWs who did not support me or put me in touch with the correct agencies to help

please try to accept you did nothing wrong, you did the very best you could... but i understand the devastation.

i was having dreams about breastfeeding DD until very recently and she is almost 3

the sadness is horrible, but you will feel better in time.. x

unfortunately no, I didn't get any help. It wasn't offered. I wasn't aware at the time I could get any help. The health visitor told me I should switch to formula or at least use both as he was losing weight too quickly.

I've since found out I have PCOS which can cause lack of milk. PCOS is extremely common so I imagine this symptom is also common.

Not only could I not BF due to PCOS but I find it incredibly difficult to fall pregnant as I rarely ovulate/have AF's. Also I had to have a C-section after a long, difficult labour so another reason to feel like a failure.

Sorry, I'm having a bit of a meltdown today
I'm just sick of lactating women (in RL) going on about how much milk they've got, how easy they fell pregnant and the wonderful labour they went through

I just don't want other people to feel the way I do if they are struggling.

I have a lot of sympathy for you. However, I can only express about half an ounce of milk at a time, successfully breastfed DS until he was three and am successfully breastfeeding DD.

Given how much you wanted to breastfeed, you should have been offered support. The chances are good that given consistent support from an expert you could have breastfed even though it didn't come easily, and I am quite on your behalf that you were undermined like that. If you did have a lack of milk that couldn't be rectified by following bfc advice on feeding, there are drugs that can be prescribed to boost milk supply. It was very undermining of your HV to just tell you to switch to formula without making sure you were informed of all your options and had a real choice (whatever that was).

You have nothing to feel guilty about -- as you said, your DS is a healthy strapping three-year-old.

you were failed by the people who should have helped you.. offering op ups of formula in the early days can really interfere with the establishing of your breastmilk supply

you were let down, and i am sorry. especially after a traumatic birth

it is helpful to let it all out though

I am sure if you had had the right support from the begining you would have been more successful so please don't beat yourself up over this.

I work with new mums and a recent client also had the same advice as you, top up etc. I was with her 24 hours 5 days for the first three weeks and she did brilliantly as those early days she wanted to give up as she had such a negative experience the first time round.

I agree with the others. I had to pump to feed Tink because she was 31 weeks and it took me weeks to get good enough on the pump to meet her needs and it took me being woken by the MWs through the night to pump and I was using hospital grade pumps.

True lactation failure happens in less than 2% of women, so obviously PCOS doesn't have to be a barrier to successful breastfeeding.

You were seriously let down by your HV and I hope that if you ever have another one that you will know to seek out better help than she has given you. I would also urge anyone else reading this who is having problems not to just trust their HV and get proper advice before deciding they don't have enough milk.

Like the posters on here have already said, sadly, most women who 'can't' breastfeed, cannot do it because they haven't had the right support, not because of a physical inability.

I urge anyone who wants to BF to read up as much as possible, ask questions and contact a BFC the SECOND you feel it might not be working.

Poor you, this pressure they put on women to bf really isnt helpful.

fruitynnutty - i really feel for you that you have been carrying around this guilt feeling for the last three years. You should really think about talking to a counsellor to help you let go.

most women can breastfeed but choose not to because whatever people say it doesnt come easy to everyone, it does hurt alot of people even if the baby is latched on right. and some people just cant handle the feeling of being soley responsible for feeding around the clock in the early weeks.

both times i breastfed my girls it really hurt even though mv bfc's checked my latch. it hurt both times for two weeks and i think its wrong they people say that it will not hurt.

I knoew breastfeeding is not for everyone for whatever reason they have and other mothers, hv and gp's should be supportive of these mums and not make them feel guilty.

they should spend more time encouraging healthy diets and exercise for kids - it would be alot more helpful. yes the first year of a childs life is important but what about their growing years.

Myself and all my friends were bottlefed babies and I cringe to think what kind of milk or cream we had but we are all healthy adults with no allerigies or illnesses (touch wood) so please I am sure your little boy has a healthier diet than my two. they may have been breast fed but they eat nothing!!!

I felt a similar devastation to you after not being able to feed my DD1 and found it very difficult to get over this. I carried a sense of guilt around for a long time but I just wanted to say that the advice on here is spot on and to remember that just because you could not continue with breast feeding you did manage for a couple of weeks and it does not mean that if you have another baby that you wont be able to next time. I have fed my DD2 for over eight months now when I never thought I would be able after not managing first time round. I had much better advice and most of all I did not expect it to be easy.

I think you are offering a very important point to new mothers that it is not easy and to ask for help. If anyone had told me that before I had my DD1 then I probably would have persevered. Also, it is important to tell women that it is ok to give your baby formula if that is what you feel is the right thing. Don't be hard on yourself - feeding is just one part of motherhood and as you have said you have a bouncing 3 year old!

Hi FruitynNutty - thanks for this. I have PCOS too so am amazed to finally be pregnant! I'm hoping I'll be able to breastfeed, especially as I'll be the fourth new mum in the family in 9 months and #1 and #2 found bf a doddle.

Trying not to get my hopes up too much, but have armed Mr NotCitrus with a list of phone numbers from NCT, hospital, etc, so that if I can't get bf to work, he can keep at people until someone comes round to help and then we'll at least know we've done our best.

notcitrus.. you also have MN and you could also try looking on How breastfeeding works

Thanks guys for all your supportive replies I just assumed at the time as I didn't have much milk then formula was the only other option.
We are trying for our 2nd DC (have been for nearly 11 months and only on my 5th menstrual cycle ). I'm seeing the consultant in August so hopefully will come out armed with Clomid to kick start my lazy ovaries

Once I'm pregnant again, I'll be able to look forward to receiving plenty of help and will not give up on the BFing.

notcitrus A huge congratulations to you! You must be on top of the world right now. At the moment I feel like I'm never going to get pregnant again so if I fall pregnant I know I will be the happiest girl in the world I think I'll be smiling for the whole 9 months! hehehe

Fruity - it took two rounds of Provera and six months of Clomid to get my periods to, er, exist for three months and then give up again for four. Spent a couple months chasing my consultant's secretary, and of course it eventually transpired I was preg - by LMP I should be giving birth around now (28 weeks!)

Had basically accepted the fact that #2 familybaby would be as close as I'd get to parenting (his mum is young and wanted the support, and we were happy to be very involved), and here we go, my own sproggie as well!

I really am smiling loads though, even though SPD has meant I can hardly walk and have been banned from walking more than 200 yards for the rest of my pregnancy. As long as I don't go anywhere, I feel fantastic. Well, a bit nervous about this birth thing. And having to look after a baby forever. And my bump feeling stretched. But apart from that...