Well, I think its happening again.

[Sleepymum171288]

Hi everyone,

So here I am, 37, early perimenopause, two children already. DH decides to upnthe bedroom gymnastics frequency to as many days as possible, and the last 3 times his condom didn't just split i felt the dang thing explode. Now its been over 3-4 weeks and I've been nauseous for the last few days, acidity in my stomach which doesn't happen unless I'm pregnant (happen with my last 2), and my bathroom breaks have been more numerous and just plain irritating.

Now I'm not new to this and I definitely will give it a few more days before testing, the test packs are staring at me and I'm feeling impatient, but I will persevere, till atleast this Saturday (hopefully). However, I'd like to ask, did anyone else get symptoms during a second or third pregnancy this early? Because it feels too early to me.....

Sorry, I disagree. When I met my husband we had loads of sex and then I went on a medication that completely took away my sex drive. No matter how much he reassured me that he loved me and it didn't matter, I found it really hard constantly denying him that completely normal intimacy. Sometimes I would just go along with it for his sake and it was fine. Even if it didn't feel amazing, I liked making him happy and feeling close to him. I certainly wouldn't say it wasn't consensual just because I didn't enjoy it the way I usually would - there were plenty of times I did say no and that was absolutely respected.

Being in a relationship with mis-matched sex drives is complicated and can make you feel really inadequate. OP's a grown woman and she gets to decide what she's comfortable with in the bedroom.

I actually meant from her partners aspect... I'm sure he wouldn't really be happy if he knew that his wife didn't want to have sex with him and she was just doing it to get it over and done with.

I completely understand mismatched sex lives. That's still no reason to trick someone into thinking you are happy with sex and then going online and blasting it that he's unilaterally decided something. The OPs partner obviously thinks she's more up for it than she is.

You can decide what to do with your body... but if your partner isn't fully informed then it isn't consensual.

I don't think there's any evidence from what OP's said that she's "tricking" her husband, or that it's obvious he thinks she's more up for it than she is - especially if the words she uses are "if you must".

It seems like people are really piling on OP for completely baseless assumptions.

It's not completely baseless at all. Maybe because you seem to do the same thing you're biased.

If I don't want sex, I tell my husband I don't want it for ZYZ reason. I don't just lay there thinking "Oh if you must". How fucking grim...

Imagine telling your children to just lay there when you don't want it... seriously

Yes, sometimes I participate in sexual acts I find boring or unsatisfying to pleasure my partner and feel close to him. Sometimes he does the same for me. Plenty of people have sex to conceive even when they aren't "in the mood". Grown adults are allowed to have consensual sex for whatever reason they choose, regardless of how passionate and exciting it is.

Unfortunately, at one time in my life, sex always felt boring and unstimulating, and that made me feel really inadequate and ashamed. I sometimes chose to consent to sex I was ambivalent about for the sake of pleasing my partner and feeling close to him. Wasn't pressured, don't regret it, not ashamed.

Again, you are looking at it all from your point of view... which is not what I am saying AT ALL.

It's pointless having a discussion with you when you don't even understand my point.

Let us know how u get on

What a grim read.