Have you experienced prenatal depression and how did you cope?

[cucumber4745]

What the title says really… I am 13 weeks and have my dating scan next week. We had threatened miscarriage at week 6 and I was told no exercise for the time being. My GP had been terrible managing my thyroid and Ive seen midwife once. I have gained weight and I popped early ao people’s comments are not great help - I look huge.

It is my first pregnancy. I have history of depression and panic attacks due to cPTSD. I have done a ton of therapy. I felt low before conceiving but that was due to some fertility issues I discovered last year (I was told I probably won’t be able to have children especially naturally). I finished therapy around that in January… Unexpectedly, I conceived shortly after.

I had terrible infection over Xmas and New Year and was so ill I honestly thought I was dying. I put the low mood to that and then the morning sickness and fatigue. My hormones were through the roof so I was very very nauseous. That has eased a lot for the past two weeks.

But I still feel very low. I don’t want to get on antidepressants again. I have no motivation for work and mostly avoided the office as I find it overstimulating. I barely do any chores at home. I don’t want to do any baby reading or shopping or exercising. I force myself to wash my hair and do my nails ans I am even struggling to journal. I don’t want to leave the house. My partner drags me out for walks and shopping on the weekend. I don’t have friends/family around me so I don’t really see or talk to anyone. I am not super close with my family anyway as we are all spread around the world. I cry every day and I don’t know why.

I worry about postnatal depression a lot. I don’t know if this is my depression returning after 7 years, if it is hormones as I used to get like that pre period, or is it just normal if you don’t enjoy pregnancy very much? How did you all cope? I also feel burnout at work as I have not had leave in a year but saving it to use before my Mat leave.

Any coping strategies are much appreciated.

I had pre and post natal depression with my only (twin) pregnancy and was traumatised from ivf. It’s a bloody awful thing to live through, I felt like it was expected that I’d be some earth mother floating through pregnancy when in actual fact it was utterly shit and I hated it. It’s ok to hate being pregnant, once you start saying it the amount of women who said they did too was quite a revelation. Doesn’t mean you don’t love and want your baby, just the process is shit. I’d be looking up abortions and praying at the same time that they both made it, it was a complete and utter head fuck. If you can, try and get some counselling sorted so you can offload this in a safe space. It’s a tricky time hormonally, but I also felt crippling pressure and responsibility to make sure they stayed alive whilst they sucked everything out of me that they needed.

I think what I’m trying to say is you’re perfectly normal. You’re ok. You will get through it, it’s going to be ok. Also, if you don’t feel an overwhelming love instantly when you meet your baby for the first time, that’s perfectly normal too just so you know!

The only way I got through it was every week that went by I’d look up what size fruit/veg they were and I’d have a pic taken with the bump showing what size they were, reading about what they were up to, and having a mental checklist in my head (and towards the end, on my phone) that I’d cross off on how long I had left.

I am sorry you experienced this too.

I am happy that I got pregnant and managed to avoid IVF especially as I had accepted I may never have children. But have this fear of loss and as you say expectation that I am all happy and glowing, when I feel like crap.
To some of extent I am mentally prepared for postnatal depression and have discussed it with my partner, but never knew prenatal depression is a thing until I started googling. No one speaks about it.
I hate the pregnancy so far. Not just because of how I feel but also I had to give up all my hobbies quite abruptly as they are not suitable for pregnancy and I think that adds to the crappy feeling alongside general life stress. Almost like all my coping mechanisms were just taken away and I am left in this limbo for like 9 months to magically figure it out.. being a woman is hard

Please see your GP about this urgently. DD was ill throughout her pregnancy (first and only) and had therapy during it. Her pre pregnancy depression and anxiety did not lead to post natal depression, mainly we think because she had very good care prior to the birth. She had an elective caesarian, which also helped ease her anxiety, and stayed in hospital in her own room for five days after giving birth. The staff at her hospital in Kent were fantastic. Wishing you good luck.

Oh my dear, please see your GP and talk to your family. Be as explicit as you can about how you feel - I was vague and it delayed me getting any help.

I had prenatal depression (including suicidal ideation) from about 5-6 months, which then led into postnatal depression. I was suicidal and believe I was a danger to both my newborn and my toddler for several months after the birth. It got better very slowly - newborn was almost a year old before I genuinely felt that I loved her. It took a very long time to shake it completely - it must have been about seven years after her birth before I felt like myself again. It took me completely by surprise because my first pregnancy (very stressful infertility and IVF situation) had been easy.

What helped was a friend (who is a GP) quietly pushing me towards counselling. My actual GP had given me a list of counselling services, which felt way too overwhelming to cope with. My friend gave me one email address and told me to make an appointment, which was much more doable. My husband was (and is) the kindest and most dependable source of love and support, and knowing how much he could be relied upon made a big difference.

Doing small things with measurable progress helped me - colouring in, crochet, that sort of thing - because they're very low stakes but you feel like you've achieved something. Having local friends also helped, just spending time with them - I went to a baby/toddler group that was specifically for parents to socialise and make friends, and some of those people are still good friends now.

I never took antidepressants because by the time anyone diagnosed me with depression I was breastfeeding, and I hoped that it would wear off sooner rather than later. I think I'd probably make a different choice if I was in that situation again now. If you've had them before I wouldn't be surprised if the GP suggested them to you.

It was a very hard time, but the fog is entirely lifted now, and my second baby is the most delightful ten year old you could wish to meet. I'm so glad that she and I survived her early years. You will be okay 🫂

I’m sorry you’re experiencing it too. I totally agree, being a woman is hard!

Having to give up all your hobbies immediately sounds really difficult on top of everything else, no wonder you’re struggling with the pregnancy and that’s without even factoring in the hormones and changes to your body! It’s a massive adjustment and I can imagine it’s a real loss of parts of your identity as well as your coping mechanisms. It sounds really tough.

You don’t have to be happy and glowing, pregnancy whilst a magical blessing as you’re making a human is or can be an utterly shit period of time and that I don’t think is spoken about enough hence why I’m more than happy to be completely open about how much I hated it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d happily relive the very worst day of pregnancy every day for the rest of my life in exchange for my children, they are my absolute world and I adore the very bones of them. That I made 😎

If you are able to speak to your GP and have some counselling I think it would be incredibly helpful. I tried, got lost in the system and then never actually got any help which was a crying shame as the problems compounded for me (just regular PND) but I feel it made the early baby days harder than it needed to be.

For the first time in my life I actually took the antidepressants for my PND and it was a game changer, so please don’t be afraid to take them if you need them at any point.

Thank you and everyone else who posted. Hearing everyone’s stories makes me feel better as I now know it is normal.

My few friends who have children, had very breezy enjoyable pregnancies probably because they were younger. The rest have fertility issues so I try not to talk too much about these things. I am fairly estranged from my family, we are in different countries and generally my sister had two of the instagram worthy pregnancies and postnatal life, plus the help of a partner ad 4 grandparents, so my family doesn’t get how much I struggle.

The pregnancy was unexpected and my partner and I don’t even live fully together, he is between my place and his as he gets things really for me to move in. There is no heating and hot water there, we had terrible luck with installers and the house is 100miles away so makes things stressful. I think this and the anticipation of the changes to possibly the hospital I will give birth in, the location, the risk with my job and navigating the office logistics just add more stress. It was worse in the first trimester as he was here only on the weekends and I was so ill.

I am hesitant of taking antidepressants as previously they made me worse. I also want to breastfeed so that will be very last resort option if things get worse. I should be able to access counselling through work and my life insurance and might do that if things don’t get better in the next weeks or so. It is limited number of sessions so a part of me is saving them in case I need them after giving birth.

It is strangely refreshing knowing that you too hated being pregnant. I think the lack of body autonomy is triggering some old stuff and that’s why I feel down. But it is also such an awkward experience - my body is doing some crazy things, having random pains and what not that seems like some top secret women keep away from
other women so they keep having babies.

Sorry to be gross but I wish I knew I’d puke when I go to the toilet, because the smell makes me sick. I think at one point I ended up p**ping my pants because I vomited and gagged so hard. And strangely enough this only happens on Thursday eve and Friday morning like a clock. WTAF?

I had horrendous pre-natal depression with my first. I'd actually fallen pregnant a few years earlier and was unexpectedly devastated and ended up having a termination. I don't regret it but I do now think that how I felt was probably due to antenatal depression.

With my eldest, I had suicidal ideation and things were terrible. I thought I didn't want my baby, and the whole thing eventually contributed to the end of my marriage. I didn't admit how bad it was because I was terrified of being sectioned or having my baby taken away (I now know this wouldn't have happened). Like you, I think part of it was having to give up things I loved. Red wine and rollercoasters! As soon as I had my baby (elective c-section which I think helped so much), it was like a weight lifted. I didn't experience the baby blues or anything like that. I was high as a kite and in love with my baby.

Between my two pregnancies, I was honest with doctors about how bad it had been, so when I became pregnant with my second (had a miscarriage in between), I was given amazing support. I was referred to a specialist perinatal mental health team and had a lengthy appointment with a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist. They went over my first pregnancy in detail and kept me on a decent dose of antidepressants. I could have breastfed on the initial dose, but I didn't want to. It was vital to me that my partner could take his share of feeding. I firmly believe that baby needs a happy mum more than it needs breast milk. I was able to increase my dose and was encouraged to do so by my doctors as they believed it was vital that my mental health was a priority.

I guess what I'm trying to say is please prioritise your mental health. It's so important for you and your baby.

I had pre and post with my second pregnancy. I had hg and it triggered my depression that I’d kept in control.
i took all the drugs and had counselling.

i then counted down the maximum number of days I would ever be pregnant again in my life. I was induced at 40+5 and not being pregnant felt much better than having a new baby.

i adore my daughter (in a normal way. I’m not one of those people who say everything is amazing)

being pregnant is not for me. Hang in there and talk to anyone you can. People don’t talk about how awful pregnancy is for some people.

Thank you all. Interestingly, even though my midwife covered the postnatal depression talk, she never mentioned the prenatal one despite my history.

I know it can be worse than I feel in general, and I have told my partner to keep an eye on me if I behave much differently. I continue to be shocked how common that is and how little it is all spoken about. Other than HG, morning sickness and postnatal depression I didn’t know about any of the other symptoms!

I’ve had way better luck choosing strains by their terpene and cannabinoid profiles instead of old labels, and digging into sativa vs indica differences helped me see why the effects vary so much. It made picking hybrids way less random, especially when I wanted something calming without getting glued to the couch.

I have absolutely no clue what you are on about. I don’t touch this crap and even if I did it wouldn’t be when pregnant..

Hi Op. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had horrific pre natal depression and it is a horrible dark place to be in. Do speak to your GP or midwife as there is lots of support available. I was placed under a perinatal mental health team where I had weekly check ins with a specialist midwife, and was also placed under a consultant psychiatrist who went through all the treatment options and they were very reassuring. It in no way felt intrusive and they seemed like they genuinely wanted to just make sure I was ok. They take this stuff very seriously! Hope you're OK x

Wow @yaaarrrp that's good to hear. When I was in a similarly dark place my midwife brushed me off and I never got any help from her at all, and certainly not any kind of referral. That was ten years ago, I'm so pleased things have improved since then. Hope you're doing well now ❤️

@yaaarrrp Thanks. i am pretty sure I will be brushed off. I have access to private counselling through my insurance and work if needed but at the moment it feels like it will add more stress. I have a lot of stress at work, even though my morning sickness has improved which helps. My partner is not particularly helpful and everything baby related, house related, moving, planning is on me. Which is absolutely draining to the point I don’t even want to see him because it stress me out having to tell him what to do and answer stupid questions while he is glued to his phone

I have horrific sickness (HG) and some awful losses. I was referred to the mental health midwives and they are so lovely. It’s worth explaining and say you want a referral for sure.

I am now 7 months pregnant, still vomiting most days, still on hospital for fluids and feeling pretty rough. I said this week if I die in my sleep it’s awful for everyone but Atleast I would get some respite.

You aren’t alone OP and pregnancy can be rough. Please push for all the help you can get

@Springiscoming368 sorry to hear about your experience. I really cannot deal with counselling or any more appointments.

I work full-time, live alone, already struggling physically to do everything at home, don’t have a car, appointments take ages to get to and then I need to catch up on work as I cannot manage otherwise. I have to mother my partner as he does absolutely nothing unless he is nagged for a month and given detailed instructions 40 times. Counselling and more doctors visits or pills will not solve the reason for my depression and anxiety which is a very profound lack of mental, emotional or physical support.
I have been in counselling in and out for 10 years and am trained in psychology myself - the last thing is “mid-fullness” technics, CBT homework and being told to rely on friends and family that I don’t have.. Any group support or antenatal class has been suggested is an hour drive for me and in the middle of a work day which I cannot do…