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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Unplanned pregnancy, don’t know what to do.

3 replies

itzybitzy · 30/03/2026 17:48

Feel like I’m losing my mind and could do with some advice.

Recently found out that I am pregnant. A bit of background, my and dh are both 35, two kids 9 and 6. We always planned on stopping at two, was happy with that, no desire to have a third.

Dh had a vasectomy about 2 years ago but was told that that he still had some sperm in sample. We had struggled to conceive our two children so didn’t think too much of it. About 12 months ago, I found out that I was pregnant, dh ended up with sudden illness and was in hospital for over a month during which I terminated.

luckily dh is perfectly healthy now, and I went on to the pill in the meantime. Unfortunately it didn’t agree with me and killed my sex drive completely so came off of. We went through a rough patch and decided we were both committed to making it work and things have been really good.

Dh has been referred for a second vasectomy and Iv found out I’m pregnant again. He’s said that it’s my decision and he supports me whatever I chose but I don’t know what to do.

I feel ashamed to have a second termination, but there are so many factors pushing me to do it. I’m studying and progressing in my career, we want to move to a bigger home. These things would need to be put on hold. We would need to change cars and give up family holidays for a few years. On the other hand, I know my kids would adore a younger sibling and although the thought of going through the early years fills me with dread, I know it would pass before I knew it.

I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I could do with a hand hold and some sensible advice from anyone who had gone through something similar.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Dalmationday · 30/03/2026 17:49

I would call Choices Charity for some online free counselling that both of you attend. They had a framework which helped me map out both choices and what it would mean for me (work, sleep, our older children, our marriage etc)

Supernoodlez · 31/03/2026 19:09

Really tricky one op and ultimately one only you can make. Firstly you might get more of a response on the pregnancy choices board from people that have been in a similar boat. Secondly I agree calling an organisation like the above or bpas could be really helpful. Make a pros and cons list, talk it over loads with dh, look into both options deeply, both through a logical and emotional lens. Hope you’re ok, be kind to yourself.

NewAgeDawning · 31/03/2026 19:43

The advice from the previous posters is really good. This is your decision only. Good luck

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