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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnancy #2 advice in a tricky relationship - help!

6 replies

Veryconfused123 · 30/03/2026 16:43

In a right old muddle and would appreciate any advice/ guidance.

Currently parent to 2.5 yo little boy. Joyous but very strong willed. Sleep has always been a problem but feel like we’re finally in a groove.

Relationship with dh has been very up and down the past few years. I’ve considered leaving many times, however we always seem to muddle through. He’s not a bad man, but can make me feel pretty rubbish about myself sometimes and often isn’t very supportive/kind when I’m ill/pregnant.

Please no judgement (I already judge myself every day!) but last year was very tricky. We decided we were ready for #2, however I ended up struggling extremely mentally and ended up having 2 early terminations due to my mh and dh being so unsupportive.I didn’t tell him, I just told him it did not work out and he asked no further questions. It broke me.

Fast forward to this year. I’ve been using cycle tracking (as dh still wants #2) to try to subtly avoid getting pregnant, however admit getting wrapped up in the ‘what ifs’, baby talk and sex. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again and a dark cloud has arrived. The thought of sleepless nights, another C section, awful mh and an already rocky marriage is tipping me over the edge. Am I a horrific person for considering a third termination.

I had so much I wanted to do this year after so many years of struggling. Am I a total asshole? I’d love two children, but the thought of going all the way back terrifies me. Don’t know where to turn!

OP posts:
Girlwithavibe · 30/03/2026 16:49

No one can tell u what to do !
But your must choose the option that is best for yourself I do feel like u should be on some kind of contraceptive to avoid getting pregnant again !
I don't agree/ disagree with termination but doing it because u don't want a pregnancy is not contraception !!
Please if your not happy leave your husband why would u be with someone who is making u feel so bad !! Life is short x

StephensLass1977 · 30/03/2026 18:13

Your mental health must be in tatters.

As you know yourself already, you are using termination as a form of contraception. Why don't you see your GP with a view to starting some, if you are going to keep sleeping with your husband?

No you are by no means a horrible person. You just need to take better care of yourself.

Veryconfused123 · 30/03/2026 18:50

Girlwithavibe · 30/03/2026 16:49

No one can tell u what to do !
But your must choose the option that is best for yourself I do feel like u should be on some kind of contraceptive to avoid getting pregnant again !
I don't agree/ disagree with termination but doing it because u don't want a pregnancy is not contraception !!
Please if your not happy leave your husband why would u be with someone who is making u feel so bad !! Life is short x

Thank you for your response. I just feel so conflicted. I do worry that I struggle with some kind of pre natal anxiety/depression as I go from ‘I really want this’ to ‘I can’t cope’ so quickly. Just the total lack of a good relationship (that can be so up and down) probably doesn’t help with this. Feel so lost as it’s not all bad, but feel so undervalued and unloved.

OP posts:
Veryconfused123 · 30/03/2026 18:52

StephensLass1977 · 30/03/2026 18:13

Your mental health must be in tatters.

As you know yourself already, you are using termination as a form of contraception. Why don't you see your GP with a view to starting some, if you are going to keep sleeping with your husband?

No you are by no means a horrible person. You just need to take better care of yourself.

It’s been really tough. Part of me thinks I should try to see this through. Just worry about if husbands behaviour and lack of support increases. Feel like a terrible person.

OP posts:
Rena001 · 31/03/2026 06:29

probably you are ill now in some extent, please take more care and love of yourself, other something is secondary

Girlwithavibe · 31/03/2026 08:47

Veryconfused123 · 30/03/2026 18:50

Thank you for your response. I just feel so conflicted. I do worry that I struggle with some kind of pre natal anxiety/depression as I go from ‘I really want this’ to ‘I can’t cope’ so quickly. Just the total lack of a good relationship (that can be so up and down) probably doesn’t help with this. Feel so lost as it’s not all bad, but feel so undervalued and unloved.

If you feel undervalued and unloved your not in a supportive partnership !!
And I think this is what is making u scared u really would like another child but it will all be on you if u feel undervalued and unloved now that won't get better having a new baby !
I think you need to start thinking about yourself and your child and leave your husband if he doesn't appreciate you ! Love yourself first and foremost then in the future u may find happiness with someone that will truly value you x

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