Am I silly for requesting an elective c-section?

[Doodlebug999]

I’m due in April. Had my first child in the 2020 covid lockdown, induced at 42 weeks, looks like a textbook birth on paper apart from episiotomy and unexplained 1.5L bleed (and subsequent transfusion), but I have a very low pain threshold and going through it all on my own (no birth partner was allowed in with me until close to the end due to Covid restrictions) prior to the epidural was pretty traumatic. My child was then diagnosed with an unexpected health condition after birth and I had to process this news whilst staying on the ward on my own (with the baby) due to lockdown, which was again very emotionally tough.

Aside from my living child, we’ve had 3 pregnancies end in missed miscarriage at the end of the first trimester, all requiring surgical management. I have a lot of anxiety over losing this baby in labour due to fetal distress. To be honest, I don’t really believe the baby is going to make it and am struggling to get things ready for after the birth for this reason (I know this is irrational, but that’s how I feel deep down, probably due to previous losses and bad luck with health issues in my child). For this reason (amongst others) I’ve requested a c section, as I feel this will minimize the risk of stillbirth.

The doctor said he couldn’t stop me, and I’ve signed all the forms, but he made me feel quite bad about it by stressing that as there is no medical need it’s not really a logical decision. Since this discussion, I’m now doubting myself. Is this a really silly decision? He went through all the risks associated with a c section and how hard the recovery will be, and now I feel selfish/stupid for making this choice.

You should have the birth you want and you're not selfish or stupid but the doctor would be remiss if they didn't explain the risks involved so you can make an informed decision. Your mental health seems concerning though, have you talked to your midwife about your fears and asked what they can do to support and reassure you during the birth?

Not selfish or silly. Your choice entirely, but having had one, I never want to go through it again & recovery from one while looking after a young child sounds awful!
only you know yourself though. Best of luck!! Xx

I’m so sorry that the doctor made you feel bad, and I hope it was just a clumsy choice of words rather than any negative judgement. I think about half of O&G doctors choose a c section for themselves, and that’s without having gone through what you have. I think it’s totally understandable that this is what you want, and having been in a very similar position to you, I also had a c section after a traumatic first birth (also during lockdown) and various other complications during and after. It was the best decision! Have you spoken to your midwife about it? Is she supportive? I think that you sound marvellous and I hope that a calm, planned c-section will be a very psychologically healing experience for you.

Not selfish. Not stupid. Not silly. It would be one thing if you were putting your child at risk through your actions, but you are absolutely not. I think your fears are completely understandable and anything that helps you to deal with that can only be for the good. I wish you a very safe delivery and all the best for your new, expanded family.

It’s not silly at all and he was insensitive. But I don’t think a c section will help the worries you’ve mentioned, there’s still pain and risk etc. And I’m not sure why it would reduce chance of stillbirth? Is it the set date of birth that makes you think that?

The most important thing is to have the birth that you want as long as it helps get baby here safely, but maybe a birth debrief might help you ahead of this birth. Mine was done after a traumatic first birth and it was a head midwife that went through it all with me and it really helped.

Thanks all for the words of encouragement. He wasn’t rude per se, but I came away feeling like I was making a risky/irrational decision.

I did mention to the midwife months back that my mental health is a bit wobbly at the moment, mainly due to some other factors (my child was recently diagnosed with another medical condition and as it’s genetic this baby also has a high chance of having the same condition), and she said she’d refer me for some support but I haven’t heard anything. I was also referred about a month ago to speak to a specialist midwife about birth choices, to go through my options, but again I haven’t heard anything. They seem very overstretched at the moment.

Honestly I loved both my elective sections

i wouldnt take the bad opinon of someone who had never given birth too seriously.
My obygn was a woman with children and was lovely and didnt make me feel that at all.

Make a nice playlist (you can take it into theatre) and enjoy it.

I've had 4 sections. It really isn't that bad. My first daughter was normal but very long delivery in which I had a bad bleed. 2nd daughter was c section as she was breech at 41 weeks. My 3td daughter I went natural as felt I should it all went wrong and I had a C-section to save her unfortunately it was too late. So no your not being off asking if that's what you would prefer. I then went on to have 2 more elective sections. Yes there's recovery but there's pain killers. Do what you need to do for you and your baby. X

Have you contacted them again to chase this up?

I had an emergency section and second time around I had an elective. I didn’t want to go through the trauma again. It was all fine. If anything, it was a shock because it was so quick. Good luck with your pregnancy and baby. One thing I’d say is, don’t forget that having surgery plus a toddler and a new baby is a lot. I needed my husband to take 6 weeks off work to support me at the time.

My first baby was born April 2020. Similar to you. I was induced alone. My DH was allowed in when I was 6cm dilated. Baby was fine when delivered but I was very poorly rushed to theatre and needed emergency surgery and a blood transfusion. The after math and recovery was so hard and very difficult.

I had my second baby by planned section an was the best decision. It was so calm and straight forward. I was encouraged to have a section and I’m sorry that you haven’t been supported. Push for a section of that is what you want.

my recovery from my section was 100% easier even with a 2 year old as well vs the recovery from my first birth.

No your not silly to request a C Section and protection of mums mental health is just as much of a need as any other.

The Dr will have had to point the risks out, but they also only have a certain number of slots per day so you might fund they are also encouraged to add a element of firmer questions/putting off.

I had it with DS2 from midwives to consultants (my birthplace was clear any requirement for induction then it was to C section as I have difficult pain management reactions to most meds).

You do need to be firm and stead fast you will get this multiple times. I would also be a bit more honest with your midwife what you describe is more then a wobble and you would be best speaking to the pre-natal specialists.

I had to have a c section for medical reasons for my children. My anatomy and the fetus position meant that delivering via birth canal would have been impossible and higher risk to babies.

This was medically consultant advised but they still went through all the risks.
I did unfortunately have a midwife with one of the pregnancies who believed I should have gone through labour first prior to a then emergency C Section. And also a different specialist we saw in relation to one child who has some other needs was also very rude and said the needs were because of the section. They said that a c section was inevitable due to my condition but that I should have still tried a vaginal birth first.
Some people may make comments like this to you. Ignore them (easier said and done I know).

From your post I would say a c section is a understandable course for you and likely the best option

Not silly at all. My first was a traumatic induction so I also requested a c section with my second. It was the best decision I could have made, it was very calm and actually kind of healing. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I had one registrar try and put me off but everyone else I saw was supportive. Don't let him shake you, do what you think is best.

You've had great responses here but I just wanted to add another saying you're absolutely not silly!

It sounds like you had a really traumatic experience and you're totally within your rights to do whatever you can and want to avoid that happening again.

I hope it all goes well for you 😊 (from someone else who'll be requesting an elective after a less than perfect first birth) x