Telling before first scan

[Buky4]

Hi! It’s my first time posting as I’m now 10 weeks pregnant! I was going to wait for the first scan to tell my family and friends but they have given me the date for right after Easter, and I will be visiting them (in another country) during Easter.

I’ll be 12 weeks when I see them and I’d like to tell them in person, but I’m wondering if it’s better to wait for the scan and be sure that everything is okay. I had my first midwife appointment but they didn’t confirm anything (obviously because they just took some blood).

Anyway, what would you do? I’m itching to tell but so worried that something might go wrong. Thanks!

I'd see if I could pay for a private scan at one of the clinics like window to the womb before I went away, just for reassurance that everything looks fine before I told extended family.

It's totally up to you. I told my parents, PIL and our siblings pretty much as soon as we knew because if something went wrong (it did first time as it goes) it was never going to be something we kept secret anyway.

Other people I didn't tell deliberately but if it came up I just said it. Like people who asked why I wasn't drinking at a wedding at 10 weeks or the friend who noticed me avoiding the pâté at a buffet when she knew I loved it. Kept it as "I'm pregnant but it's early days so anything could happen" to keep it low-key.

It's fine to keep it secret if you want to and it's fine to tell anyone you want to. Only you know how you would prefer to handle potential bad news afterwards.

I mean it’s fine to tell anyone at any point. It mainly depends on IF it turns out something was wrong at the scan would you be happy for those people to know/you are happy telling them the bad news. I’ve had 3 missed miscarriages now. Where the baby stopped growing between 6-8 weeks but my body hadn’t recognised it so I was still “pregnant”. In all cases I’d booked a private scan before the official 12 week one so it was detected earlier but I could well have gone to the 12 week scan totally unaware. For me, I was glad I hadn’t told anyone as I don’t like sympathy and people feeling sorry for me. But others I’m sure prefer to have the support. I don’t think anyone I know even knows I have ever been pregnant to be honest because other than my husband we’ve never told a soul. It’s totally up to the individual when and what to tell others.

Whatever you’d prefer, OP. It wasn’t clear whether I’d be able to continue my pregnancy as the first scans uncovered a condition that might have needed treatment incompatible with pregnancy, and further investigations were needed — so I told no one but DH and my line manager till I was almost 20 weeks, because that’s the way I preferred it. But you’ve nothing to consult but your own preferences.

Congratulations! As others have said, I'd say it depends on how you'd feel having to un-tell people if the scan later revealed an issue. If you'd want their support, it's absolutely fine to tell them early.

Sadly sometimes scans do revealed that the foetus stopped growing a few weeks earlier and the body hasn't detected the loss. Absolutely not to say that'll happen or to scare you: it's just to know the possibility. Xx

As others say, it's your choice. I didn't tell people and then had miscarriages, and actually, I really wish I had told them. I would have had the support and I would have appreciated it. It somehow felt different once I knew something had gone wrong - I didn't want to share that news so I mostly kept quiet about it. I think if I had felt able to share earlier it would have been easier.

This pregnancy I told a few people very early and was honest about the fact that I knew it might very well not work out, and actually it was really helpful. I had a bleed at 9 weeks and it made it feel much easier that I could just admit I felt a bit scared, rather than having to go through the whole 'yes, I'm pregnant but it might not work out' thing.

I did this today! Thanks to everyone that responded, baby is well and very active! I’m so happy I took this advice and I can now tell with some more peace of mind <3

I don’t mean to scare you but I wouldn’t . I lost one at 11 weeks after a normal scan at 10 weeks . The chances of this are extremely extremely slim and highly unlikely but I was glad I waited when it happened to me .

We had a private scan at 10 weeks so that we could tell family etc they said all was ok. Then at our 12 week scan there was too much neck fluid and baby had a condition and we ended up losing her two days later. TBH I was glad we had told family and friends as we needed the support and everyone was so kind to us. I couldn’t imagine going through that on our own. Xx

I've just been through this. Daughter told me before 4 weeks she was pregnant. Scan at 7 weeks showed twins...told her brother and work and a couple of other people. 9 weeks she had scan and babies had died. It's devastating but I think having some people around to support her has been good. Especially work.
She has since told a couple of other friends who have had miscarriages and they have been amazing. So I think tell only those closest to you.