Feeling so guilty because of morning sickness.

[Thuraya17]

My son is 2.8 years old. I always said I wouldn’t get pregnant until he was over 3, weaned from breastfeeding and in nursery at least part time and this is because I had HG in my first pregnancy with him and I’m likely to have it again.

Over time you forget how bad it is and since he’s nearly 3, and we plan to put him in nursery this coming September, I thought let’s just go for the pregnancy now and at least by the end of this year I will be not pregnant, I will have given him a sibling and I won’t have to be pregnant ever again if I don’t want to 😂

Anyway, that’s what happened, now I’m 6 weeks pregnant, 4 since conception and like clockwork I’m violently ill and nauseous all day once again. I feel so guilty because I can’t play with him and I’m struggling so much to cook for him and feel like his meals are going to be so simple and the same every day. We live away from all family due to my husbands job so there’s no one to help. I can’t help but feel like I should have waited.

just venting I guess.

1stly congratulations on pregnancy.

2ndly sorry you’re feeling so bad. I had awful vomiting throughout the whole of my pregnancy so I really do sympathise.

You can’t take the baby back now so feeling guilty doesn’t really change anything. Plus I doubt whether waiting an extra 4 months eould have changed the situation you’re in with your son wanting to play with you and you needing to cook meals for him.

From a medical perspective are you taking all the anti sickness you can? Prochlorperazine (buccustem) is quite good and there is a newer anti sickness licensed in pregnancy called xonvea - I think it’s quite expensive so you may need to plead / show that you’ve tried all the others unsuccessfully.

you may also just need to drop the standards. Simplistic meals aren’t the end of the world - as long as he’s full and getting some fruit / veg throughout the day he’ll be fine. A lot of 3 years olds only eat beige food anyway. In terms of playing with him I understand how that must be hard if you’re at home all day everyday with him and he can’t understand why you can’t play. Luckily the weather is getting nicer / can you drag yourself to the park or just even a walk outside? As a last resort could you afford for him to go to nursery or a childminder for some of the week so you can get some rest ? I suspect some of it is not just mum guilt over not giving your 1st child the monopoly of your time and the best of you but I think that’s a normal feeling and comes with giving them a sibling.

hope you’re better soon

Congratulations!

I’ve just come out of it on the other side and I did feel guilty too. All I can say is just ride the wave and you will get there. I had HG from 5 weeks through to 18. I now still get a bit nauseous in the evening (22 weeks) but nothing near as bad as I did.

If you are open to it I’d really recommend tablets, I’m on 4 x xonvea per day and after they started building up in my system which took just over a week they did really help.

Do what you need to do to get you through, reach out to pregnancy sickness support they have been amazing for me! Extra screen time, extra baths whilst you relax next to the bath whilst little one plays, just anything right now

i promise our little ones won’t remember it, you may feel guilty now but they won’t be saying to you when they’re a teen “remember that time you couldn’t play with me for a few months when you was pregnant with sibling”

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!

I have a 3 year old and am currently in the depths of severe morning sickness- all I can say is that try to not feel guilty. It’s such a short period of time in the grand scheme of things and I read some good advice recently that basically said that toddlers main wish is for contact and connection with you. Even if this means snuggling on laps watching more Tv than usual, they’re still getting what they need. We’ve definitely had more screen time in our household as I’m literally vomiting from 4pm until bedtime. Also my husband has had to take on more mealtime responsibilities and I’ve found bulk cooking and freezing portions for my son a life saver. Not sure if these are option for you?

hang in there, hopefully we’ll all be feeling more human at some point in the second trimester!

I had hyperemesis twice in 6 months when my daughter was 4. It's so tough even at an older age. Unfortunately both pregnancies ended in loss.
The first time the Olympics was on so we spent a lot of time watching that. The second was in November so we started Christmas films earlier. That one was slightly easier as I only threw up if I moved so lying on the sofa perfectly still as long as I hadn't drunk anything was ok.

I went on to have a third pregnancy and I had xonvea prescribed from the moment I found out I was pregnant it did help but also the sickness was very mild in comparison. I was already 7 and a half weeks by the time I found out I was pregnant and by that point I was usually bed bound.

Thanks so much for all of your messages, they really have made me feel better. I was on cariban in my first pregnancy, we lived in Germany then and I had amazing health insurance.

They don’t sell them where we are now but we’re looking into getting our pharmacy to ship them in with a prescription from my doctor. Up to now I have nothing but hopefully the medication is coming.

I think the extra screen time is probably what I was stressing about because he does best with an absolute maximum of one hour per day. My husband is great but works a lot, he’s been bringing me breakfast before I move from bed to try and stop the immediate vomit if I stand up. And he’s taking our toddler out every minute he can.

I think I really thought the second pregnancy might be easier, wishful thinking of course. Thanks again for your messages, if anything it’s nice to know I’m not alone and that it will get better. 🥹

@Superscientist im really sorry about your losses. That must hit so hard after suffering with HG for weeks. Equally, im so happy you’re 3rd one brought you a healthy baby 🥹

Thank you, yes it was tough going through loss. The sickness lasted a week longer than the first and I was having early scans at the epu with the second and knew it was likely to be going the same way.

The first time I kept trying to do normal things as much as possible but landed myself in a and e after having a fall. I had got up in the night but my legs have way after a difficult day where I had tried to go into the office but hadn't kept any food down. They weren't worried about my leg. The second I accepted the sick note and stayed on the sofa.

I spoke with my partner and agreed I couldn't keep going through hyperemesis. I hadn't regained the weight in between, so we gave it one more last roll of the dice and we were lucky. He's now 6 months.

We find with my daughter that it's more a case of what screen time rather than the length of screen time. Paw patrol she was hyped up after 20 minutes, other things and hour or so are ok and some stuff she's ok with hours. From ~3.5 she's watched things like the pottery throw down, sewing bee etc. The masked singer was good when she was ~2, or bright musical films like Shrek and the Flintstones. I find that we need to match the length of the show to the length of time we are letting her have so if it's a short time she's ok with 10 minutes cartoons. If it is longer something like Julia Donaldson and longer than that films.

We also do audio books on Spotify and audible, I don't know if it's still available be we had an audible trial for 99p a month in January