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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unexpected pregnancy with an IUD and unsure about continuing, partner wants baby

6 replies

Jessie0211 · 13/03/2026 08:31

We have a nearly two year old and I have had an IUD in about 5 months. In the last few weeks I started to feel really nauseous and it wouldn’t go away and sore nipples.. I did a pregnancy test and it was positive 😬

I had to have the IUD removed ASAP. I am really anxious and feeling worried as we didn’t want another baby for at least two years or so (or at all!)
Our daughter has been really tough and high-needs since birth and has stretched my husbands and my relationship.

I just can’t see myself having another baby at this time. Selfish, but my work career has taken off and I work away once a week for a night (my parents help)- this wouldn’t be really possible with a second as it would be too much for them. We have organised a big extended family holiday for 5 weeks to Italy next year and again, I can’t see myself having a small baby over there and enjoying myself. I feel like we barely cope with our one child.

My husband is extremely busy with his work (usually works 5:30-6:30 5 days a week) and it would be extremely challenging doing it again with him away so much. My first birth was traumatic also and I had an undiagnosed health condition afterward which also caused a lot of problems.

My husband wants to keep the baby but I am spiraling and extremely anxious. I would have never considered termination but I just don’t know if I can go through with having another baby. I feel very guilty and embarrassed with considering this. I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation.

OP posts:
namechange62 · 13/03/2026 10:26

Sorry no advice for you but I'm bumping for you.

Iocanepowder · 13/03/2026 10:29

I think your feelings are very valid. We love our DC2 but honestly we’ve really really struggled.

Your DH doesn’t have to go through pregnancy or birth. And isn’t at home most of the time. He doeen’t get a say. He has no leg to stand on.

Jusy also to add that if i got pregnant again by accident, i would 100% have a termination. It’s about what is best for you and your family, especially your own mental and physical health.

BudgetBuster · 13/03/2026 11:03

Ohhh this is such a tough read because even though you are in a loving relationship and already a great mother, you did everything you could to avoid this situation.

I think if you had been considering a baby in the next year, I'd probably continue. But given you were only really thinking you MIGHT try when your toddler is basically school age in a few years that's very different.

I think the holiday would actually be fine.. a baby is very easy to manoeuvre and you'll get help with the toddler. I wouldn't let a holiday dictate whether you have another baby or not really.

The real issue is if your husband wants to keep the baby... is he willing to compromise? He works 11hour days, that's absolutely not sustainable. He barely sees the toddler as it is, how will he see both?

You work away, how does he propose that would work... will his family help? Will he alter his working hours?

How would you.mentally and physically cope with a full-on toddler AND a baby AND a career? I am currently 26w pregnant with a 2yr old and the last 2-3 weeks I've really been "putting my foot down" with my husband. I work FT (as does he) but I'm pregnant with complications and so so tired. We very much wanted this baby but is comes with compromises... I cannot do solo bedtime with 2 as much as I do now so my partners extracurriculars etc need to take a backseat for a few years when we will be in the trenches.

There is probably no doubt that you'd love this baby... but you shouldn't have to lose who you are as a person to have a baby you arent 100% sure of. So I think a big conversation is needed.

I will also add that I have had a termination prior to having our now children and at the time that was the best decision for us. I don't regret it, we wouldn't have made it through. BUT that doesn't mean it wasn't really tough.

Original poster
Jessie0211 · 13/03/2026 11:38

Iocanepowder · 13/03/2026 10:29

I think your feelings are very valid. We love our DC2 but honestly we’ve really really struggled.

Your DH doesn’t have to go through pregnancy or birth. And isn’t at home most of the time. He doeen’t get a say. He has no leg to stand on.

Jusy also to add that if i got pregnant again by accident, i would 100% have a termination. It’s about what is best for you and your family, especially your own mental and physical health.

Edited

Thankyou! You’re so right about my husband, I feel like I shoulder msot of the mental load too

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessie0211 · 13/03/2026 11:43

BudgetBuster · 13/03/2026 11:03

Ohhh this is such a tough read because even though you are in a loving relationship and already a great mother, you did everything you could to avoid this situation.

I think if you had been considering a baby in the next year, I'd probably continue. But given you were only really thinking you MIGHT try when your toddler is basically school age in a few years that's very different.

I think the holiday would actually be fine.. a baby is very easy to manoeuvre and you'll get help with the toddler. I wouldn't let a holiday dictate whether you have another baby or not really.

The real issue is if your husband wants to keep the baby... is he willing to compromise? He works 11hour days, that's absolutely not sustainable. He barely sees the toddler as it is, how will he see both?

You work away, how does he propose that would work... will his family help? Will he alter his working hours?

How would you.mentally and physically cope with a full-on toddler AND a baby AND a career? I am currently 26w pregnant with a 2yr old and the last 2-3 weeks I've really been "putting my foot down" with my husband. I work FT (as does he) but I'm pregnant with complications and so so tired. We very much wanted this baby but is comes with compromises... I cannot do solo bedtime with 2 as much as I do now so my partners extracurriculars etc need to take a backseat for a few years when we will be in the trenches.

There is probably no doubt that you'd love this baby... but you shouldn't have to lose who you are as a person to have a baby you arent 100% sure of. So I think a big conversation is needed.

I will also add that I have had a termination prior to having our now children and at the time that was the best decision for us. I don't regret it, we wouldn't have made it through. BUT that doesn't mean it wasn't really tough.

Look, we may have considered trying for a baby next year sometime- but not 100%.

The problem is that I’m in Australia so the flight to Italy may be horrendous with a baby and a toddler. But it’s a family reunion and my entire family is going (my mum is Italian) so I would be devastated to miss it.

Unfortunately there’s no way he could alter his hours in his current occupation, unless he looked for another job. Sadly majority of the jobs in his industry are the same. We cannot rely on his family at all- they’ve cared for our daughter once in two years for an hour and don’t offer to help- it’s my parents who care for her twice a week and are very involved. A shame but their loss sadly, but it just puts the burden on me even more having to organise all the care etc.

that’s great you’ve put your foot down- sounds like it is needed, and these early years some things do need to be put to the side. Was the termination you had with your husband? Thankyou for sharing that

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 13/03/2026 12:06

Jessie0211 · 13/03/2026 11:43

Look, we may have considered trying for a baby next year sometime- but not 100%.

The problem is that I’m in Australia so the flight to Italy may be horrendous with a baby and a toddler. But it’s a family reunion and my entire family is going (my mum is Italian) so I would be devastated to miss it.

Unfortunately there’s no way he could alter his hours in his current occupation, unless he looked for another job. Sadly majority of the jobs in his industry are the same. We cannot rely on his family at all- they’ve cared for our daughter once in two years for an hour and don’t offer to help- it’s my parents who care for her twice a week and are very involved. A shame but their loss sadly, but it just puts the burden on me even more having to organise all the care etc.

that’s great you’ve put your foot down- sounds like it is needed, and these early years some things do need to be put to the side. Was the termination you had with your husband? Thankyou for sharing that

Show quote history

If he can't alter his job hours... what was his plan to keep this baby or even in a few years to porentially have another? It's all well and good him saying he'd like to keep the baby but he's not doing the majority of the parenting. I presume you get the toddler up and ready and out the door, you pick up and do dinner, you probably do alot of the bedtimes too etc. It's hard to juggle that with a newborn hanging off you too.

If you can come up with a plan to logistically make it work then I think that's very different. Could you hire a part time nanny? Could you outsource some housework like laundry or cleaning to free up your time? Could he take one day off a week or every 2nd week to give your parents a break?

Yes, my termination was with my husband. But we were both on the same page from the start. It was completely unplanned and although we knew we wanted kids we knew the timing was completely wrong and I truly believe our relationship would not have lasted.

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