I have recently found out I am pregnant. I have been with my partner for 2 years. We both never wanted anymore children and he was always been adamant. I’d joke around but never had that real urge for more.
our eldest are teens and my youngest is 4.
we don’t live together and he has made it clear he doesn’t want to live with me until his kids have completed their exams in a few years time.
obviously have found out that I am infact pregnant. My initial thought was no I cannot do this again. My eldest son has ASD and really struggled and still does now with mine and his dad’s separation and often resents the birth of his brother who is 4. They get on ok but his tolerance for his sibling is low.
he also struggles with feeling pushed out and not wanted and my concern would be how could I give him the time he needs especially
leading up to his GCSE over the next few years if I have a young baby in the house.
my partner has been open and said he doesn’t want more kids, doesn’t want this baby and thinks it’s a bad idea. He said that part of his life was done and he was ready to start enjoying life as his kids are older (teens)
i asked him if he would feel resentment towards me if I kept it and he said there was a high likelihood he would. He said he would stay with me out of moral obligation to but the reality of it is he would be deeply unhappy and said he would be stuck in another unhappy relationship again.
He said he was worried about the impact of having a new baby would bring upon his 2 current children and with them feeling left out and abandoned. He is also still married to his ex wife which complicates this even more.
he admits that even having this baby wouldn’t push him to want to live with me so the reality of this could be I could be parenting part time in 2 different houses if I went through with the pregnancy. I feel we would always be outsiders to a situation and he isn’t willing to see how it works. On the flip side I’m worried about how suddenly combining 2 sets of kids and living together and then telling them we are having a baby would really impact on them all when in reality this would need to happen in the next 9 months.
im worried because previously I struggled with post partum depression quite badly so the thought of doing it alone again terrifies me and I have to think of the quality of the parent I would be to my current 2 children.
for the most part I am sad because I would of loved this had parts of my life and circumstances was different but the reality of it is I don’t think I can keep this baby.
I never thought I’d be in this situation at all so please be kind. I have no one else to talk about this and my brain feels so full right now.