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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Should I tell midwives of partners past

17 replies

ThatLoftyWasp · 03/03/2026 08:33

Hi everyone im 8 weeks pregnant and want to phone for my booking appointment etc, I know they ask of your partners history at this and im nervous about this. My partner has had previous charges of fighting etc when he was younger, he also served a very short sentence for avoiding his community service/ fines related to this charge which he was warned about. He was 19 and young and stupid, I don’t personally believe this is any of there business as he has not harmed anyone vulnerable, and it has been his only offence and has never been in trouble since. Is there any need to tell midwives about this?

OP posts:
CRbear · 03/03/2026 08:34

They ask about your relationship - not their individual criminal history… if he doesn’t abuse you then there’s no need to divulge.

Coffeeishot · 03/03/2026 08:37

I don't think they ask that much detail do they ? If he is still volatilie then you might want to tell them for your safety, anything else you don't have to.

Rightsraptor · 03/03/2026 09:02

It's some years now since I practised as a midwife but we wouldn't have been interested in that at all

We needed to know about any genetic conditions etc in his family, yours too of course, because the baby is half him. I was in SE London, not the most salubrious parts, and the men were often 'away', generally in Brixton or Belmarsh. The only reason that would be a midwife's business would be because of concerns around support of the woman.

So no, they really shouldn't need to hear about his past.

Original poster
ThatLoftyWasp · 03/03/2026 09:09

Thanks guys i think ive maybe got it wrong for some reason I thought they asked about there criminal history last time I had my son this is a new partner and im just so scared about judgement etc as I live in a very small close knit area. I totally understand they’d need to know if they were on sex offenders register or domestic abuse or violence towards women or children

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 03/03/2026 09:45

Even if it is a close knit community your midwife has to be professional.

ncaibu · 03/03/2026 10:09

No. I divulged too much about my baby's dad and they used it against me because I let him be there at the birth. They made my entire birth experience awful and caused me trauma with some of the things they said to me. Going off that, I wouldn't tell them anything again.

Peonies12 · 03/03/2026 10:15

All I remember them asking was if I had a partner and if he was thr baby’s dad. And if any genetic conditions in his family. And they’ll ask you every appointment if you feel safe at home etc

Donury236 · 03/03/2026 10:17

All remember being asked about behavior was when I had the appointment that they ask you to come to alone was are they violent towards ME.
NEVER divulge more information than they ask for - unless of course its concerns about health and wellbeing!

chateauneufdupapa · 03/03/2026 10:20

No need to tell them that, no. It would be a bit odd if you did, unless you don’t feel safe with him.

FlapperFlamingo · 03/03/2026 10:27

Don't say anymore than you want to, they cannot force you to!

HopeFor2026 · 03/03/2026 10:37

You dont need to tell them anything, you can fib or omit the truth, they don't look into it.
Better not to as in my experience when I told them about a siblings mh history, I got referred for mh counselling when I had no issues myself. This caused me a great deal of stress I didn't need! I had no mh problems and bloody hate talking to someone about my mh, not my cup of tea.
So yes I wouldn't tell them as they will be on your case then and might even get social services involved if you have a bad one.

Laiste · 03/03/2026 10:37

Same here they checked my health and asked who lives at home with me and am i happy. Is there or has there been any history of any domestic abuse between us.

It's to try to safe guard women against violent men.

Catherine468 · 03/03/2026 10:38

They won’t be interested in this. Only things that are relevant to keeping you and your baby safe.

SarahAndQuack · 03/03/2026 10:50

I agree that they won't ask in that much detail. I think if you volunteered the information, the natural assumption would be that you had a current worry about him, and that they would need to take into consideration.

Manymoresometimes · 03/03/2026 10:57

Why on earth would you tell the midwife that? And why would she be interested?

CheesyToes · 03/03/2026 11:04

ThatLoftyWasp · 03/03/2026 08:33

Hi everyone im 8 weeks pregnant and want to phone for my booking appointment etc, I know they ask of your partners history at this and im nervous about this. My partner has had previous charges of fighting etc when he was younger, he also served a very short sentence for avoiding his community service/ fines related to this charge which he was warned about. He was 19 and young and stupid, I don’t personally believe this is any of there business as he has not harmed anyone vulnerable, and it has been his only offence and has never been in trouble since. Is there any need to tell midwives about this?

congratulations on your pregnancy. I had my booking appointment a few weeks ago and the only thing they asked my husband was if there's any serious medical conditions in his family. Just let them ask the questions and try not overthink it.

littlemissalwaystired · 03/03/2026 12:31

I’m a community midwife and our new system we use does actually ask about it. We have to ask whether anyone in the household/family has ever had any involvement with the police etc.

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