HOMEBIRTH ADVICE PLEEEAASSE (sorry long)

[no1putsbabyinthecorner]

Not sure where to start so sorry if long and a bit muddled.

Basically didnt get a HB with dd now 16 months. Not much advice or support from MW.
However this time I am determined to stamp my feet so to speak to get one.

I am well aware that things dont go to plan and I am prepared for that.
(Planned water birth last time but due to meconium couldnt have one)

Just wanting abit of advice. Went to my 28 week appointment last week all revved up with questions.
(I saw a MW at my 20 week scan who was very up for HB. She even asked me if I was having one before I even mentioned it and was very pushy about it.
Wish I had met her last time.)

I left feeling quite deflated and angry.
I had a few questions I wanted to ask and she basically didnt answer any of them. All answers were very half hearted IYKWIM.
She said basically we cant say yes to a hb till you have reached 37 weeks and everything is normal so to speak.

May be I could ask my questions here. I have learnt so much on here than any where else.

Please tell me Im not being unreasanble to ask my questions and get things sorted snd settled at 28 weeks. She made me feel like I didnt need to bother til 37 weeks.
She then said well have you booked for HB.
How the hell can I book till they have answered my questions or queiries.
AAAAAGGGHHHHH
SORRY ITS VERY LONG BUT ANY ADVICE APPRECIATED.

What are your questions?

(yanbu btw)

Thank you.
Well DD was 91b 3oz. Read somewhere that they dont like HB with big babies due to complications etc...
So I asked what would she class as a big baby.
She shrugged and said oh I dont know really maybe about 101bs.

Then I asked if I tore do MW stitch up at home or do I have to go in?
(tore last time bit scared dof it happening again, not scared of labour)
She again shrugged and said depends how bad it is. We have a bed and decent light at hospital to see better.

Got myself so worked up about it cant remember other questions. sorry

Oh thats ok then, Like I said I know things dont always go to plan. But just wanted to know a few things.
I mean if I tear again and have to go in to be stitched I may as well be in there in the 1st place.
WHhen pregnant with dd wanted a water birth so had to go to a different hospital. Mw was a bit snotty and said I should just stay at home in bath and come in when Im about 7 cm dilated. Like I know....

Oh other question was if I have water at home do I have to get out to deliver.

I would forget talking to this midwife and get some decent information from a site like www.homebirth.org.uk

sorry you have had such a rubbish response from her

I've had a similar experience 'oh we'll talk about that nearer the time'. Here's what you do:

(1) Write to the midwifery supervisor at the local hospital and inform her you intend to homebirth and would like a midwife assigned to your care who is competent and confident in her ability to look after you.
(2) Include the phrase: 'I'm letting you know this early in my pregnancy to aid you with staffing'. (So there are no sudden 'staffing shortages' ho ho, later on.
(3) Don't worry about it.

If you do tear at home the mw will be able to deal with a 1st and 2nd degree tear in your own home. If it's a 3rd degree, you will have to go to hospital. Chances are if you give birth in water and in a relaxed atmosphere, you are less likely to tear.r

You can deliver in water at home, make sure you request a mw who is able to deliver in water.

Most people ae unaware that they are having a big baby until it has been delivered, and by that stage the ship had sailed. Shoulder dystocia may be mentioned, however if you look at the statistics something like 50% of deliveries involving shoulder dystocia are in 'normal' birthweight babies. Also all mw's will have had training to deal with shoulder dystocia.

Tbh your mw seems a bit dismissive and you are probably better off talking to another one. She probably doesn't even realise what she is saying and how it affects you.

If I were in your shoes I would book the homebirth and get you questions answered afterwards. It is easier to go to hospital at the last minute rather than the other way round.

Good luck xx

Thanks for all your advice.

Does anyone know what they class as a 'large' baby

Don't let anyone tell you that they 'know' your baby will be large. I was told ds would be 'over 10 lb' - he was 7lb 7.

If you do a search you'll find loads of threads showing they never know for sure.

Thanks Starlight
Thats why I asked now because I want to make sure I am prepared for if it works out for one.
Dont want to leave it till last minute and realize I forgot something.

thanks ib they say I'm more likely to have a baby with similar weight to dd (91b 3oz) or possibly bigger.
But measured 27 weeks at 29 not sure what that means exactly.

I am determined to be more assertive next visit and hope I get to see my ususal MW.

I'm planning a homebirth for my first, I'm 36 weeks now. Just bumped into someone going into the post natal yoga class who planned a HB but was given the old "staff shortage' story and had to go to the hospital so I thought I'd add to this debate!
I now see the community midwives and plan to call my assigned MW when in labour, if she, or ALL the other members of the team are on call or not on duty, my DH and I have the right to INSIST that someone attend our home. You can get the telephone script on the AIMS website. Many women are unaware of their rights and are understandably vulnerable to being fobbed off. I will only go into hospital if I or the baby is sick or in danger, otherwise, I'm staying put at home, as relaxed as possible! Good luck.

Thanks for that.
I know I may sound dumb here but I dont get the difference between, MW at clinic, MW in labour wards and community MW.

When I went for my 20 week scan the MW I saw after was very up for HB. It was her that mentioned it to me.
Do you think it would be worth finding out who she was and chatting to her if my MW at next visit is not that supportive or wont it make much difference.
I am sure she said she used to be a community MW.

Who comes out for HB. I presume its whoever is working that day/night and it could possibly be a MW I have never met.
(Would this be a MW I see at antenatal clinic or a community MW. Sorry but not sure of difference if there is any.

I've had one hospital and two homebirths - and the homebirths were fantastic. Very supportive NHS midwives - but not that involved - seemed to assume that if I wanted a homebirth I'd doesn't he research which I had I guess. My son was 9 1/2 lbs - bigger that average and no problem - no stitches etc - probably because so relaxed at home. Sat in warm bath which might have soften things up too but had to get out to give birth since water in bath too shallow to be safe for delivery. Re 37 weeks - that's just the time a pregnancy is considered an acceptable full term I think. Maybe they are hedging their bets. But do go for it if all seems well - it really was a magical experience for me. I am near a hospital though, so felt I had a safety net. Just had third at home too and if a fourth happens along I'd do it at home again, all being well.

I'm lucky enough to live in an area where home birth is seen as normal and even preferable, if that's what the mother wants. Even here, there are differences between midwives (some offhand, some fantastic). If you found one who was sympathetic and pro-active, track her down and talk to her. Also write to the midwife supervisor as suggested above. The important thing is that you feel confident that you will be supported at home.

Whoever is on duty comes out, and if you are dealt with by a big maternity unit, this is likely to be someone you haven't met. You can hire an independent midwife, who you can get to know well before labour - it costs about £3000, but you will only have this baby once and the experience of it will be with you forever.

Re. tearing, I had four third degree tears with my first baby. (I was in hospital by this stage - managed 27 hours at home but then went in voluntarily as was completely knackered - she was born after 38 hours, so was glad I did!) The midwives who deal with me are still very happy about home birth; they have all they need to fix you up at home, and if they can't, will know if you need to go in to hospital. My friend had a perfect home birth but managed to tear her cervix - there were no probs transferring her to hospital - it was just a shame as she was all happily snuggled in bed with her new baby.

If you labour in the bath, you shouldn't need to get out to give birth. Get some blu-tack to plug up the overflow and it makes the bath much deeper.

You don't need any special preparation for home birth, except it's useful to have old sheets and towels, plastic tablecloths and shower curtains to hand for the messy bits. The midwives will bring everything else, and all the same stuff will be available to you as if you were in a birth centre.

Don't worry about the size of your baby - no-one can tell, even if they scan at 39 weeks (which they did for me).

The "staff shortage" thing can be a problem, but it is your right to give birth at home, and their duty to provide you with care. I had been labouring for 20 hours at home (7cm) before I requested a midwife, and was told there were "none available" and would have to go in, so I got my birth partner to tell them that we were going to break into the gas and air cannister by ourselves. A midwife turned up within 20 minutes. It's invaluable to have assertive and clued-up birth partners! I had my partner and my best friend, and it was brilliant.

Good luck - home birth is fabulous - don't forget it's your body and your baby, and the professionals are there to serve you, not to order you around.

Have you thought about HypnoBirthing if you take a look at HypnoBirthing.com everything you need to know is on there including where your nearest pratitioner is.