Unexpectedly pregnant with third - help!

[LolaLo20]

Just looking for some advice really. I have two DS’s aged 7 and 2, and found out this week I am pregnant with my third - unplanned and a massive shock!

DH is against the idea of continuing with the pregnancy due to financial worries / not enough living space (we have a small 3 bed house so kids would need to share a room) / not being able to give each child enough individual attention. I agree with all of his points, my eldest has SEN needs and needs a lot of our attention, and my 2 year old is a feral monkey who as soon as I take my eyes off him will be trying to eat dirt / climb the furniture / ride the dog like a horse. So all of his reasons are a very big concern for me too, I never considered having 3 kids and ditched all of the baby gear straight after my youngest grew out of it.

But. And it’s a big but. The idea of terminating isn’t one I take lightly, I love my boys and can’t imagine not having them. I know the first few years will be utter carnage and chaos, but I can’t help but think of what a little tribe of 3 they’d be with another sibling. I’ve been in tears all week because I’m so torn about what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or have had 3 kids and can tell me the good, the bad and ugly?

This happened to a friend of mine. All the same feelings and issues as you. Obvs you make your own decisions but as you’ve asked for thoughts, I can say my friend had her third child and never looked back. Yes two have to share a room and yes they are spreading their attention across 3 instead of 2. But she’s never regretted the decision and loves their larger family. It all works for them because it has to. What she would say is it’s only one more child, not 3 more. Sharing a room is not the end of the world. She now can’t believe she considered not having the child because of things like sharing a room. (Don’t know what she would have done if she was pregnant with twins or triplets!)

I am in this same situation, I just found out I’m pregnant I have an 8 year old and 9 month old. My terrified we were being careful and it feels horrible to say but we are not happy about it

Do you know how far along you are? I would try to take the emotion out of it (I know, easier said than done) and look at it from a truly realistic point. I would look at all facts and not think of 'what ifs' but 'what do we have?' and 'what do we realistically expect soon?'

My mum was in this position she had me and my brother both of us were special needs: me with epilepsy, my bro has Asperger's and given the likelihood that they'd have a third special needs child she decided not to bring another life in the world.

Whatever you decide you and your husband will need each other so I would recommend couples therapy.

Good luck with whatever you decide but I would consider the SEN needs of your older child which will likely already take a lot of your time. Also cars, holidays etc. The world is often built for four.

Will the 7 year old cope sharing a bedroom if this baby is a girl? Obviously the younger 2 can share for years but it’s worth thinking about. I’m sure you won’t regret a third baby, but you might not get a ‘tribe’, you might just get 3 very different kids with high needs that’s a struggle to stretch your attention across. But then the youngest 2 will have a nice age gap so it’s not like starting all over again. Your post sounds like you don’t want another baby but struggle with the idea of abortion, if that’s it then make that appointment and speak to them
about it, you may find it sounds easier once you’ve discussed it properly

I'm a single working mum of three young boys and I wouldn't change a thing. Beautiful little tribe, hard work but life is full in the best possible way

I have 3 children and I love it! There is something about the dynamic between the three of them that just feels so full of life. I do feel like it is a little tribe and for a while we were all squashed in a 2 bedroom apartment, but we just saw it as an adventure. We are in a more spacious place now and it has all worked out. We have found a solution to every logistical issue and ultimately our home is full of love and laughter.

I have mentioned this before but years ago, I posted on mumsnet if I should go from 2 to 3 kids and the vast majority told me not to, and outlined every potential disaster than could befall me, not to mention the unforgivable environmental concerns. I did not listen and soon after fell pregnant with the cherry on our family's cake.

I am jealous. Would have loved three children. Life does change but not necessarily for the worse. Your DCs wont always be two and feral . Your other DC will develop in his own way regardless. Finances change , kids can share . Your DH has all the practical reasons like mine did but I wish I had gone with my feelings and tried for another. Emotionally you seem to be leaning towards continuing. Hopefully you can both come to the same decision.