Hi all.
I have a 13 year old and 10 year old. Husband and I decided after 2 that was enough and we've been very happy with that. 3 years ago I fell pregnant. I sat there with the tablet to terminate but I just couldn't do it, so we went ahead. And then I fell in love with the idea. At the 12 week scan my body was absorbing it and I had a missed miscarriage that requires surgery and then complications for months after. We had already seen the little one and heartbeat a couple weeks earlier. It was incredibly traumatic.
For the last few years since that miscarriage, I've not been able to stop thinking about pregnancy, especially around the time of ovulation (so yes hormones) and then checking to see if I'm pregnant. Which is bizarre because we used protection and if we got carried away, I have taken the MAP. My husband had said no way can he do start again etc and I agreed because more than 2 was never the plan, but deep down I just couldn't stop this hope feeling It was just something I would think about and I've struggled to know whether it's a trauma thing, an attachment thing, genuine maternal instinct etc. because if I thought I could be, I'd panic! Mainly because I'd think shit what would he say and then I'd feel ashamed for having hope in the first place. I never shared it because of the shame but also because a rational part of my brain said nope be happy with your gorgeous 2.
Plot twist..
Hubby and I have both been having our own therapy recently for bits and my husband suddenly said a couple months ago that he can't stop thinking of another baby. That the thought has been there since the miscarriage but he was in self protection mode. He said it's all he is thinking about. I've shared everything now too that I've been feeling about, we are so much more open with eachother and both oddly feel excited to have another baby now.
Are we bonkers to try have another one?
My worries are that I will be 37 if I have another, my husband will be 40. All I read are horror stories of starting again after all this time? I spiralled last time looking at age gaps. I feel people will judge me as being 'geriatric' and stupid for starting again and the forums of people saying it's their biggest regret scares me. But even then it doesn't stop me wanting another!!
Did anyone have a 3rd at an older age and a large age gap and have any positive stories? All I see if negative.