How do I tell my partner I’m pregnant

[hazel889]

I’ve already wrote a post but didn’t get much advice just people telling me I shouldn’t keep the baby. So please advice on what I’ve asked for will be appreciated.

basically me and my partner have been together for around 13 years, had a shit relationship if I’m honest he hasn’t treated me well (I could be here all day listing the problems) and my eyes are finally opening. The thing is I’ve found out I’m pregnant with our second child and haven’t got pregnant since our daughter 8 years ago. We don’t have sex hardly ever but did once around Christmas time. I’m really happy about the pregnancy as my daughter has been desperate for a brother or sister and I’ve felt useless not being able to give it to her.

I really want to keep this baby as I don’t know if I’ll ever have another chance, but I’m struggling with how to tell my partner that 1 I’m pregnant and 2 I don’t want to continue the relationship.

I know I’m going to get people say I’m stupid for staying and stupid for bringing a baby into a broken relationship so any comment like that will be ignored, just want some suggestions on how I go about the conversation.

Split up with him first and tell him later

You shouldn’t have a child because your current child wants one
anyway, I would be splitting up and preparing for life as a single parent of two kids
should you tell him? Yes
the timing sounds like it needs to be done after the split as am assuming he won’t be happy

I was also thinking split first, then tell him about the baby later.

End the relationship first. Only tell him about the pregnancy when you're fully disentangled i.e. not living together and not sharing finances.

I’m really happy about the pregnancy as my daughter has been desperate for a brother or sister and I’ve felt useless not being able to give it to her.

This should have absolutely nothing to do with your decision to have a baby.

I agree with the PP who said split up and tell him later, once you're all settled.

im not just happy for my daughter im happy for myself as well I’ve always wanted more kids it’s just never happened. I appreciate peoples advice thank you

If the relationship is over anyway and you do want to keep the baby I’d just give both bits of news as quickly as you can and move on.

I’d say tell him about wanting to separate first , then about the baby at a later point. Make sure you are safe when you tell him, maybe have a friend there or waiting nearby.

I would definitely end the relationship asap and then tell him afterwards. Quite a bit afterwards.

If you want the baby keep it.

However don't stay with him. Children learn how to have relationships from their parents. You continuing to be with someone who treats you shit is teaching your daughter that it's completely okay to be treated like shit in a relationship. Same goes for baby number two.

Well if he was happy to have sex with you and didn't use a condom, you now being pregnant shouldn't be a big surprise, apologies if he used one and it broke.

LTB then tell him about the baby.
Agree with other posters that siblings don't get to decide if they have siblings.

Thank you everyone😊

@hazel889 sincerest congratulations.
A cherished baby is the excellent news.

Your partner?
I’m sorry that this is blunt advice…
You are vague though it sounds as though he is abusing you.
Remember: abuse can be emotional.
If so, he is also, even indirectly, abusing your DC.

What do you do?
You leave or get rid of him, really quickly before you are further into your pregnancy, more vulnerable and less able to move (literally and metaphorically).

You know that you cannot be with him.
You do not say enough about your circumstances or the abuse for me to help you with how to leave/get him out.

For now, do not tell him about your new baby.
Abusers ramp up the abuse when you are pregnant.
This is your red light.
Get him out or move now. You do not have the time to delay this or faff about.

Make the decision about what to tell him about the baby, and when, once your home is your own and you are in a better head space to make clear decisions.

Your first priorities are:
Caring for yourself and your daughter.
Getting away from him.

Then start thinking about what is on the other side of this.

Being a single parent is not the easiest route, but it is definitely a rewarding one.
You can do this. You have got this.

Please post more information if you need help/advice about how to get rid of him.

I had to tell him I’m pregnant as we had an argument and he started choking me to the point I was passing out, he stopped when I said no I’m pregnant. He’s gone to stay in a hotel and I’ve locked the door. He thinks I should get rid of the baby and now I’m thinking the same.

Call the police.

Call the police. And don’t get rid of a much wanted baby just because he told you to

so he choked to death almost? And you are not on the phone asking the police to come over?

Definitely don’t stay with him. If you’re financially stable and don’t expect financial support or anything from him then leave. Leave anyway it sounds like your mind is made up. Leave and tell him later just remember new child hasn’t asked for this situation.

edited to read: I didn’t read to the end but this is a shit situation. LEAVE. Don’t look back. Take out a non molestation order and never look back.

You need to report this . You may need this to be on record to prevent him having access to the baby or even your other child .Have your baby if you think you can manage to support you and the children on your own .

I have reported it now, I appreciate everyone’s advice and concerns and will be taking time over the next couple of days to figure out what’s best for me, thank you everyone

Whatever you decide about the pregnancy you must leave now!